Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

jae bear

Breast augmentation, what is normal? Is there such a thing as normal anymore?

Recommended Posts

jae bear

 So today at 3:30 I drove all the way to San Francisco to talk with Dr Simonds  about my upcoming breast augmentation. My goal is to simply blend in with every other female out there, I’ve never given it much thought, I’ve grown a fair pair all on my own with the last 19 months of estrogen, but still not quite exactly what I’d like to have. I find if I stand up straight these days that what I do have with the right bra  seems to allow me to blend in very well, but right now all the magic is in that bra,  and I sure could use a little help in this department. I like being able to fit into most close very easily, and I realized since my breasts will be rather far apart because of the width of my chest that having obvious  cleavage is really not a realistic goal, but that really isn’t what makes you blend in anyway, now is it? I certainly don’t want to be too big as that will stand out like a sore thumb, but being the size that I am with a wider chest something to fill in the gap would certainly help.  Just referencing cup sizes doesn’t seem to make any difference since it really has a relevant difference based on the band size, my 42 A cup bra would certainly be considered a B cup if it were a 38 or 36 band size. I’m starting to think I would be perfectly comfortable in the C cup Range,   But until I have the second consultation before surgery I won’t get to play with the implants to see what feels right. Sometimes I feel like I must be the biggest tomboy in the trans community, since I just don’t feel like I need very much to feel female these days.  I’ve been full-time for months now, and I basically pass...  no one questions me, no one gives me the side eye, I transact with people directly and communicate not 2 feet from them on a regular basis and somehow they just don’t see that the left side of my face has a beard shadow, it’s just off their radar, and for the rest of it clearly I just pass these days.  All of this experience has taught me one thing, I don’t need all of the things I thought used to need, they were really more of a want, what I need is very different from what I thought I wanted. I’d like to find a way to get my needs and my wants to coincide with one another, overlapping neatly, this by the very definition could also be called happiness, something that everyone often  says that they hope I achieve once everything is done. I wish I could explain to them that I’m not trying to achieve happiness, I’m just trying to be, living freely as myself, trying not to be a caricature of a person but simply an authentic version of myself. Long ago I once thought that the most female of everything was best, and big breasts topped my chart, After having lived as female with the small breasts that I do currently have I find that they are no less female then if they were larger.  I think something modest but correctly sized would be good for me, something between a full B and a C  Cup sounds somewhere in the ballpark. I honestly think a D cup would probably just be in the way and obnoxious, I don’t feel like punishing myself in that fashion. I’m curious what the thoughts of others are, both those who have transitioned and those who have not,  i’m curious what you would want for yourself, and the reasons you have for those wants,  i’m curious to know what the reality of your needs are, and what it is like living with your augmentation and what you might change if you could?

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

Share this post


Link to post
tracy_j

Hi Jackie,

 I am a before rather than after, but I see things in several ways. From a family experience, genetics point of view the women in our family have had modest breasts so I have not grown up around large ones. This also indicates that if I were on hormone therapy I would not likely get large ones either. Another influence is that surgery is something to be avoided if possible. Non of our family, as far as I am aware, have every contmplated it except for essential medical reasons.

 

Having said that, though, the greatest influence that I have had is from the experiences of women themselves. From my teen years, when I was (I am findng now) heavily influenced by the experiences of a schoolfriend, who was heavily endowed, when she went for reduction surgery. The background of the problems women with large breasts endure has lived with me ever since, and is re-inforced by experiences I come across.

 

My personal thought are that, although it would be nice to have larger breasts from a sexual point of view, that is not as important as my health, and not really essential otherwise either. My dominant femine side is happy to be small breasted, although a relationship would be a bit embarrasing at first.

 

Tracy

Share this post


Link to post
Kirsten

Over the years I have tried so many different sized forms it’s ridiculous. I literally have bras from a cup to dd. But through all of that I learned that less is more. 

I think what you should think about is what size is just big enough to make you okay with your chest. They are heavy. And get in the way. And bigger boobs wear out bras much quicker. Also gravity will play a role. Eventually your skin will stretch. Saggy implants are not very forgiving. Another thing to think of is how much help your current tissue will be with blending what you get with your body. Obviously less is more here too. 

 

For my self, I want a full c-cup. I’d be happy with a b as well, but my shoulders are broad. I have always felt that my c-cup forms blended with me the best. And if I want to look bigger they have bras now that’ll add up to 2 sizes! Or cutlet forms. There’s always ways to accentuate your breasts even more if you really want to. But you can’t make em smaller without surgery. Personally I just don’t want to carry anything bigger around for the next 30 years+  My wife has a dd chest and she wishes for a reduction all the time. (Also a stipulation on my top surgery is she gets hers as well. Maybe bogo!?! 🤣🙄

It’s really something you’ll have to play with. I recommend trying some forms. They’ll at least give you some clue as to weight and how in the way they’ll be. It’s more than just the looks. They’ll be with you for quite some time afterall.  

Share this post


Link to post
Jani
8 hours ago, jae bear said:

ll of this experience has taught me one thing, I don’t need all of the things I thought used to need, they were really more of a want,

This is true.  Once we reach a certain point we see what we really need to live authentically.  

 

8 hours ago, jae bear said:

I wish I could explain to them that I’m not trying to achieve happiness, I’m just trying to be, living freely as myself,

Isn't that happiness?

 

As to implants, I have read over and over that they do not last forever so at your age you would have to plan for at least one more surgery to replace them at some point.  I've considered them but that point is on the negative side of the ledger.   As Kirsten says, "its more than just looks"  its how you interact with them in daily life.  Will they be a burden, get in the way, draw too much attention...  I have a relative who had reduction and she wasn't particularly large.  There is something to be said for "just enough".

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear
18 minutes ago, Jani said:

There is something to be said for "just enough".

 

 This makes an awful lot of sense to me...  I don’t want anything big or in the way, honestly what I have now is already starting to get in the way.  I am thinking that I would like to talk to my sister about this, I’m not sure what size she is but I do know it’s modest and perfectly female. I suppose the only real goal I have is to feel comfortable and female, it really doesn’t take much breast tissue to do that, all my genetic female friends tell me one thing,  less is more and they wish they had less than they have now. This is all very good advice, and making a lot of sense to me now that I’ve been full-time long enough to realize that what  I have even now is perfectly recognizable as female. 

 Hugs, 

Jackie

Share this post


Link to post
Jani

When I had GRS, I remember one of my sisters asking me "you're not have breast augmentation too, are you?"   It wasn't on my radar then as I was still growing.  Even now I am at a point where I think I look fine.  There are better things to spend my money on.

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

Hey Jani 

 I’ve been stacking up my surgery schedules, and adjusting as I go, but Kaiser pretty much pays for everything so I really don’t have any complaints about money when it comes to these things... Even when it comes to FFS I think I’m going to be backing down a little on some of my Wishlist, I don’t really think I need lip augmentation, but I do feel I need a lip lift, I’m also second-guessing the idea of cheek augmentation, estrogen may take me where I need to be with that one.  I think if I was going to spend my money anywhere I would go to the hair club and get the peaks in my hairline filled in,  maybe get my teeth whitened a little. The things that I feel important these days, the things I feel I need rather than want,  are Electrolysis, my estrogen prescription, losing a touch more weight, Growing out my hair, having the hair club fill in the peak areas so I can pull my hair back straight, improving my posture, improving the pitch of my voice, my tone, cadence and prosody are spot on, but my pitch could use some help, and of course GRS.

 What I want it’s a little different, I want a little tiny bit more breast volume, I want a few of the features of FFS like bringing my hairline down, lifting my brow line, and a lip lift, And sometimes I feel I want the vocal surgery, but that one scares the pants off me since I would hate to wreck my voice or sound like Minnie mouse.  One of my friends recently got the surgery so I really want to spend some time listening to her, she is in my insurance network and the vocal surgery is covered, the downside being you can’t talk for 15 days after the surgery, that may be a serious problem for me.🙄 However upon hearing this all of my friends tell me I desperately need this surgery, possibly several times a year 😋

 Hugs, 

 Jackie 

Share this post


Link to post
Jani

Electrolysis is better done sooner than later!  You are correct about letting E work, even years after starting.  Remember Puberty is several year long process.   Even with voice surgery you have to spend a lot of time with a vocal coach to train so that might be something to start now as well.  You might be surprised and not need surgery.  I have a friend who spend time with a coach and her voice is great now.  Plus I've read vocal surgery isn't always 100% successful.  That would scare me.   I've have realized that If I don't pay attention my voice does slip into a deeper range in conversation.  Practice a lot and the muscle memory will remain.  You've heard my voice, its never questioned but I do focus on inflection and rhythm when I talk.  Many women have vocal range that is more low than high.  Plus you do look fem so that all adds up to acceptance.  

1 hour ago, jae bear said:

the downside being you can’t talk for 15 days after the surgery, that may be a serious problem for me.🙄

Do you think!!!

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

Hey Jani 

 Oh my goodness yes, Electrolysis, Electrolysis, Electrolysis ...  I typically go every Sunday, usually around the four hour mark I give up, but my electrologist is very good and very methodical. The Entire left side of my face and my mustache area are pretty much clear, just the regular cleanup work these days, the other side and under my mouth are next, followed by more cleanup work. Then the dreaded neck area followed by yet more cleanup work.  I’ve been going to Electrolysis for something like six or seven months, and I have probably a year to a year and a half left to go, but since I go to a straight galvanic operator the results are so much more permanent right out of the gate, even on the first pass the follicle kill rate is very high. I will most likely start working on some downstairs area Electrolysis once were in some of the cleanup phases, as it can be done in six months but I’d rather spread it across a year so I don’t have to be tortured quite as much as one would have to at an accelerated pace prior to GRS. 

 I’ve seen my vocal Coach several times, but he says I don’t need his help, he tells me the only thing I can work on is pitch at this point, and he’s not very concerned about it the way it is anyway... To be honest the vocal surgery scares me too, I’ve heard the same bad things, but it does intrigue me if it did indeed raise my pitch without requiring me to constantly check myself, I do really well in the morning or on the phone, but once I start getting tired towards the evening my pitch starts dropping,  but likely never really out of the female range anyway. Living full-time has taught me that I need so much less than I thought I did, and I may find I need even less than I think I do now as the next few months pass, every day I seem to get a little more easy with myself, and every day fewer and fewer people question my gender, as it is now they hardly ever do,  passerby‘s all assume I’m female, and most people who deal directly with me do as well, those who question or aren’t quite sure never say a word, and these days the only things I hear are “ma’am”, “miss” or when out with friends, “ladies”...

 Hugs, 

Jackie

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

 Oh yes I almost forgot, ha ha ha ha, yes sometimes the best thing my vocal coach could ever have told me is to just talk a little bit less, quiet and polite fairly much scream “female“!

Share this post


Link to post
Sakura

I am about 9 years post breast augmentation. I went from a modest b cup to a DD. I know it seems large but as my surgon told me he has never had a patient complain that she went to big. And he is right 9 years later and I am still ecstatic about my chest. A few things though when deciding on the type of implant and the placment is key to the natural look. I am not sure if it is standard now (it wasn't when I got mine done) silicone polymer gel implants CODE NAME" the gummy bears". Wen I went in with the mind set of saline they put a saline implant in one hand and a gummy bear in the other and sold me instantly they are also nearly indestructible and baring a sever chest injury can stay in forever as there is nothing to leak out. for a natural look go under the muscle implant, over the muscle implants typically show the implant more readily. With these two methods virtually every one that finds out I had BA are blown away by how natural the result looks.

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

 This is some amazing information, could you tell me a bit more about the under the muscle placement of the implant? How does it change the way you move and lift?  I was under the impression that going with the larger implant under the muscle would be difficult,  clearly you had no trouble going with a larger implant under the muscle. Do you know what specific size of implant it was that you received? I believe my surgeon only goes to a max of 450...

 Thank you for chiming in, 

Jackie

Share this post


Link to post
Jani
1 hour ago, jae bear said:

Living full-time has taught me that I need so much less than I thought I did, and I may find I need even less than I think I do now as the next few months pass...

This is an interesting revelation, isn't it?  Once the fear subsides many of us find we are all right as we are, just a little tweaking here and there.  

 

I know when I get tired my pitch changes for the worse too.  Got to work on that! 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
Sakura

I am not going to lie for the first couple of months my breast with out a bra on had a slightly square shape to them. This is because the muscle over the implant wants to return to its original shape. This freaked me out because it was not explained to me before my surgery and only after I called post op was I told that even in natal females it takes some time for them to become round. But after about 2-3 months they rounded out perfectly ( the muscle have to atrophy a bit) At first it did change the way I moved or lift simply due to the fact that no matter how developed you are now jumping 2-3 cup sizes takes some getting used to. Another thing that is not mentioned is that for the first year or so any flexation in the chest will be quite noticeable. example: say you push up off a bed or trying to push or pull something heavy the implant will push up and to the sides due to the muscle trying to flex and due the task. THIS WILL GO AWAY. again as the muscle further atrophy it all settles down those muscle become incapable of flexing at all. Though it will drastically reduce your physical strength in any pushing pulling motions after this totally occurs. I would recommend getting your surgery in the mid to late fall if you can so that this process is well under way by the time summer..and thus more revealing tops roll around.

 

My implants are 560cc if I remember correctly ( they give you a card with the size and serial numbers but I have long since lost it) My surgon didn't even hint to me that it would be a problem and so far it never was or has been.

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

 I really appreciate that information, it makes a lot of sense but until someone who has this experience shares it with you most of the surgeons leave you in the dark. My current surgeon is so tight lipped about suggestions I can’t get him to say anything about anything, quite frustrating. I’m certain he’ll say more in November when I have some pre-Op  visits, but on the initial consultation he declined to even make suggestions. I’ll do some more research of my own but I really value the information you provided, it made me rethink my position on under muscle placement and “gummy bear“ implants. 

 Hugs, 

Jackie

Share this post


Link to post
Sakura

Truthfully it was the nurses that helped me pick out my implants and the size and most helpful in that reguard to how they looked on me. They brought in several sizes of implants and a bra to try them in. It was unbelievably helpful to 1 have another womans opinion as your selecting some so deeply personal . 2 some one with the experience of placing them and 3 a woman who has had it done. She is actually the one that talked me into going larger. As she explained to me larger implants due to their weight also have a two fold effect on the aesthetics and over all look of your chest. The heavier implant bounces and jiggles more naturally. and the other being the final resting place, the weight of a larger implant pulls the muscle wall down slightly over time giving your breasts a more tear drop shape this is important if you want to wear swimsuits. I can attest to her being right on both counts. women who find out I have had BA comment that they expect them to look hard and ridged( mine don't) and I personally love how they look in a swimsuit.   While my Dr was great ( he just left somethings out :( ) I feel in the end it was his nurses that made the final results match  what I had pictured in my head.  Hopfully you have the same experience :) as if you find the right size for you the boost to your confidence can not be over stated.

Share this post


Link to post
Susan R

This thread is a goldmine of info on this subject.  This will be a very helpful thread if and when I make a decision on BA.  Thank you to all who shared here.  It's not easy to find this detail using normal searches on the web with first hand accounts.

 

On a related note.  Can one bookmark threads to your profile for "easy to find" future access?  If there is please let me know. Meanwhile I'll dig around and see what I can find.

 

SusanMtF

Share this post


Link to post
Jani

Susan, to the right of the thread title is a box with the word [Follow].  Selecting it presents a list of choices for getting notified of future input and to access the thread easily.  At your profile (upper right corner) select the Down arrow to see Manage Followed Content.  

 

Jani

Share this post


Link to post
TclosetGirl

I've had A cups (40A) for the past 10 years. While I don't pass, they are comfy, no loss of nipple sensation and HRT should get me back to a "B" - but as with you I believe a "C" will look most natural on my body, so if I am fortunate HRT will get me there this time (T is gone permanently now).

 

Think on that though, there is something about natural, but under a shirt nobody knows the difference :) I would consider this but have heard that loss of sensation is a big thing.

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

I have an A cup right now as well,  wearing a 42 A cup daily... ( if I had a 36 or 38 chest they would be a B cup ) They are quite noticeable then again I am full time these days so that works just fine for me. The more I think about it the more I’m thinking something in the C range would be fine, I just want my tops to fit nicely.  After nearly 2 years of HRT I have managed to lose a lot of weight and it seems to have concentrated the loss in my midsection allowing me to have a smaller waist line that I’m actually quite proud of, that combined with my wide Pelvic structure gives me modest hips... I really don’t want to give up being able to wear tops that show this one feature off, so I need to stay within reason on top to balance Things out. 😁

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

 I usually just wear T-shirts but this type is a little stretchy and still a bit tight on me, I don’t want to lose the ability to wear fitted tops since I have a modest figure that I really like, going too big on top would mess that up 

B840BDDA-9BCA-4249-B9D2-DA3DD6330942.jpeg

Share this post


Link to post
Susan R
2 hours ago, jae bear said:

I have a modest figure that I really like, going too big on top would mess that up 

You have a more beautiful curvature than most cis women.  This is quite impressive and hopeful.  I just hope my genetics work this well with my HRT.

 

Very nice pic, Jackie.  Thanks for sharing.

 

Susan R🌷

Share this post


Link to post
Susan R
On 10/24/2018 at 8:32 PM, Jani said:

Susan, to the right of the thread title is a box with the word [Follow].  Selecting it presents a list of choices for getting notified of future input and to access the thread easily.  At your profile (upper right corner) select the Down arrow to see Manage Followed Content.

How did I miss this feature and your post? TY Jani! 😊

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

  Hey Susan, 

I got those hips the hard way, 14 years ago I was hit by a Buick while riding a motorcycle and it broke my pelvis wide open and snapped it off my spine. When they screwed my pelvis back together then screwed it back to my spine I was on my back for three months and couldn’t move, so my hips actually settled down and widened out while it was all healing.  my right foot points out way too far but nobody notices that, however it does mean that my hips are tipped out wider than normal so I’ll take what I can get even if I had to spend three years in a wheelchair to get it !

Share this post


Link to post
jae bear

 Oh, and I almost forgot, I hardly have any abdominal muscles to speak of, they cut most of them when trying to repair my pelvis, and I never really regained very much strength there, so I have really weak abdominal muscles, but I can sit up in bed on my own if I need to, although I typically roll to one side before I do. That accounts for my smaller than average midsection. Again I’m just glad fate somehow delt me something I was happy to have later. 😋

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 84 Guests (See full list)

    • Josie Beth
    • Willa
    • Nivegnal
    • Jackie C.
    • Celine
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,038
    • Total Posts
      623,456
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,724
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JenJen
    Newest Member
    JenJen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Kendra Chelsea
      Kendra Chelsea
    2. Lou Lamoureux
      Lou Lamoureux
      (18 years old)
    3. Petra Jane
      Petra Jane
      (59 years old)
  • Posts

    • Josie Beth
    • TammyAnne
      Made it back to the Ozarks finally! At my closest point to you I spent 2 hours stuck on the freeway in a traffic jam crossing the Hudson River. It was a long day! I got back to find my HVAC system not working, so I have to scramble before the cold weather sets in. Then get my studio set up and start work. Along the way, I'm trying to relearn to play the guitar. Meetings with doctors this week to see what my metabolism is up to, plus the oncologist to provide follow up support from my cancer surgery. Lots of things to do! Hugs and smiles to you all!
    • TammyAnne
      Thank you Sabine for expressing that so well. It has been a struggle to find myself, so it's very nice to know I'm not alone in my experience.
    • Maid In Bedlam
      Once upon a time. In a land far far away. I was an die hard home mechanic. I have vivid memorys of changing a clutch on a Vauxhall cavalier in the snow. Thats how dedicated i was. Taking an engine from an old ford, stripping it down to components and then putting it all back together again did not even phase me. Also saved me fortunes in Garage bills. Even before that I was a Motorbike fanatic and still hold a full bike licence. But havent been on one for about Twenty Five years. I wouldnt like to recall the amount of wrecked bikes i got my hands on and rebuilt from the wheels up.   As its been said. There is female mechanics. But honestly i have no interest in working on cars or indeed bikes anymore.   I still have a very keen interest in classic cars. When i say classic I mean Anything pre 1985.   But as far as working on them goes. I am physically not strong enough or have the tenacity to even want to do it anymore.   The Hormones took my strength, and wow did it take my physical grunt, and the wanting to do this anymore.  I can still impress my partner by seeing something on the road classic and being able to name it on site. But im just not intersted in what makes it tick. It also doesnt make it better that i was doing this in my prime and now i have waved that goodbye.   However. Now I enjoy fashion,  clothes and yes shoes to. Which is a bonus as i work in retail.  I wouldnt say its a hobbie as such but  really enjoy it.   In a way the hormones do alter your personality in that sense  in my opnion,. Well it did for me. I still have a wealth of male only knowledge so to speak. but the implimentation just isnt fourthcoming anymore.    With DIY I can still do things but as long as they not to physical. Such as hang wallpaper etc. I was also good at that. In fact i was good with my hands period and would be happy to attempt most things   In a way having that knowledge is a good thing. as if i have to take my car to the garage i play dumb but actually will know if they are trying to get one over on me.   I do not feel sad that it changed my outlook from what i knew. If anything its giving me the knowledge from another life as i see it. Practical knowledge is never a bad thing.            
    • Maid In Bedlam
      .Trans is by no means a modern thing. Not by a long chalk. Especially Hinduism.   To Name a few.   Shikhandi: This warrior in the Kurukshetra war in most tellings of the Mahabharata was female at birth but changed gender later in life. Born Shikhandini, the girl in one version of the story was raised as a male by King Drupada, the girl's father. The king even had her married to the princess of Dasharna. Upon complaints from the new bride, Shikhandini fled into the forest and met a Yaksha and exchanged genders. Now taking the name Shikhandi, he remained a man until his death at the battle of Mahabharat.   Shiva and Parvati: The supreme god of Shaivism, Shiva has often been held as the ultimate embodiment of masculinity, but as far back as the Kushan era, there have also been depictions of Shiva in  an androgynous composite of Shiva and his wife, Parvoti. The form originated when Parvoti, desiring to share Shiva’s experiences, asked for their forms to literally be joined. “What is being said is that if the inner masculine and feminine meet, you are in a perpetual state of ecstasy,” explains Hindu scholar Sadhguru. Most often, the Ardhanarishvara is depicted with the female form of Parvoti on the left and the masculine attributes of Shiva on the right   Bahuchara Mata: Bahuchara Mata was traveling with her sisters and threatened by the marauder Bapiya. After she and her sisters self-immolated their own breasts, Bapiya was cursed with impotence until he began to dress an act as a Woman Today, the Hindu goddess is worshipped as the originator and patron of the hijras, trans and intersex Bangladeshis considered in the faith to be of a “third gender.”     Its actually awesome when you look these gods up. See what they got up to.     I just copied and pasted the meanings and there spellings online. Just google them. You will see for yourself.   Great Fun fact Josie    
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.whio.com/news/national/slain-transgender-kansas-city-woman-2nd-city-20st-across-2019/dvWQtrC6CEl9lAPly4ZD7H/   May Brianna rest in peace, and may justice be served on her killer.   Carolyn Marie
    • Josie Beth
    • Josie Beth
      In Arabic, Hijra means a pilgrimage, a journey.   Also, it’s the term used to describe transgender women in India. Perhaps it’s a loan word. Perhaps it’s not. But it’s fitting that the same idea is echoed today in the word transgender. The idea of crossing a boundary, making a journey. Being trans is a pilgrimage, it’s moving from one place to another. It used to be something seen as sacred by the ancient cultures of the world. In many ways it still is. Just my musings for today.
    • Josie Beth
      It’s sad because it’s someone who was a real person. Sure there was controversy about her and Dave chapelle but to his credit he bounced his jokes off of her before the controversy and she laughed at them the loudest so they pretty much blew it out of proportion. I think it says something about how Dave actually respected her input as a comedian. Maybe she was ostracized because she wasn’t playing into the politics? It certainly makes sense when her shows tended to be very small compared to other people. It goes to show how entertainment can literally be hard on the very people they claim to be supportive of. She was transgender but virtually blacklisted by the industry. Of course they didn’t openly boycott her shows but she didn’t have large audiences. There’s so many facets to people and making life an “either/or” political game is really damaging when everyone has faults or shortcomings. Comedy has suffered a lot because of political influence being so bloodthirsty lately, when it used to be all in good fun.    Virtue signaling is the term you are looking for, when someone says something to gain points for sounding correct. That’s the sadly artificial world we live in. It takes guts to stand out and be different. Which is why all this talk about being inclusive to diversity is intellectually dishonest when the political drive is to make everyone fit into the same thinking cap. That’s not how people work. That’s not how we have intellectual debate or actually work through conversation with ideas. That’s basically the same dirty word that the political end of entertainment says they are opposed to: fascism. Instead of allowing people to be different they are using a huge industry to dictate government and politics. Miriam websters definition is:    a centralized autocraticgovernment headed by a dictatorial leader, severe economic and social regimentation, and forcible suppression of opposition.    Only in this case the dictator is an ideal that is unrealistic. Just because it’s not declared officially doesn’t mean it’s not a driving force. Change comes from dialogue, not from any form of oppression. Maybe that’s a lesson here too. 
    • Jani
      Hello Kai and thanks for the update.  I understand its hard around the house but it will pass when you are able to set out on your own.  It will happen.  Hang tough.  Soon enough you'll be able to connect with a gender therapist and from there you will have someone to speak with who understands and can help you one on one.  Until then, keep posting and sharing your thoughts.  Please don't let the anxiety get to you.   Jani
    • Jani
      Along with any changes in hobbies, etc. due to emotional changes brought on by hormones, age will also temper our opinions on things.  We stop doing some activities and try new things just because we can.
    • CallMeKai
      I've come up on a year of going by he/him pronouns with my friend group at school. It doesn't seem like that long ago and its hard to think I have come this far already. I know a year is not that long but after questioning myself for over 2 1/2 years I feel like things are starting to make sense, I think. I feel ready to tell people, to come out and say I am still questioning but I would prefer to be called he/him. I want to try my name more and see if it is comfortable for me. I think I am getting a new job and they asked for my preferred name and gender. I wanted so badly to put down male, and my name that I'm trying but its so hard when my parents disagree with everything I do moving in that direction. I still live in the house with them and its so hard for me to do things when everything I try seems to make my mom upset. My mom basically breathed a sigh of relief when I said I wasn't going by a different name with my friends, this makes me upset because for some reason her feelings matter more to me then me being comfortable. I don't go by he/him in the house, even though my whole family knows about me question, because there is a fear that something will go wrong. That I am going to make people upset, I don't have many friends to begin with and I don't want to lose any people in my life. There is so much anxiety with coming out and I know that's part of transitioning but it feels like my social anxiety makes it all worse. I never correct people when they misgender me because I freeze up and continue on. I cant correct people to save my life and I don't pass enough to present as male, people will think of me weird and/or hate me before they know me. I know that's probably not true, but when you are so self critical of yourself you think everyone else in the world is the same to you.  I wanted to start gender therapy but the last time I asked my parents for that they got me a religious regular therapist who knows nothing about trans kids. I am scared to talk to them again and get a real gender therapist so I don't have to be so dam confused all the time. I don't have money to pay for one myself and my insurance doesn't cover it so I am stuck with my thoughts. I don't know, I guess I just needed to rant about my situation. It doesn't make things better but other people know. 
    • Jani
      Hello EZ and welcome aboard.   I agree wholeheartedly with this sentiment.  So you're on T, to assist with some medical challenges you have.  No big deal.  I'm not sure why you need to tell your work mates about your medications.  I'm not sure your fellow firemen would care about any changes.  As to that you have hidden an aspect of your life, we all have pieces we keep private.     I don't know your levels (we don't allow that on this site) but if your concerned with the beard, etc, talk to your doctor to see if you can lower your dosage a bit.  Even as a test to determine how you feel.    I'm glad you found us and signed up. Cheers,  Jani
    • MaryMary
      I checked the news on that story and it's so sad what people say. All of this for a bad joke that I ear since I was 5. A suicide is incredibly sad but the fact that it's politiced and used is even more sad... I hate that everything transgender always somehow, someway end up on that stupid internet thing where people make points for fake outrage... oh wait!? ok I will shut up now
    • Josie Beth
      I just learned about it today because I’m subscribed to a friend of hers. It’s really hitting home because she was in my age group and also a late transitioner.   I wonder why. I know that might be impossible to figure out. Just knowing how she was as a person and how much she tried to make others laugh it is a shock. But many times we don’t know what is going on with people even if they seem happy.    I can speculate, maybe she was in a downward spiral because she was not really finding companionship. Maybe she was frustrated because she wanted to bring happiness and not many people appreciated it. There’s so many potential reasons that she touched on in a joking way. I guess the takeaway is just to not be afraid to show someone what’s really going on inside. But even then it may not be enough? It’s difficult to confront myself with the same questions. 
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...