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elizabeth22

Okay as scary as it is to talk about... (Trigger)

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elizabeth22

For anyone who has been following my posts already, here is the one thing that probably finally pushed me to my all time psychological -censored- break....

 

Last year after.emotional cracking because of trying to figure out gender, dysphoria, and dissociation all lumped, I wound up with like memory lapses and now fully clothed in ladies wear.

 

Well the shock put me out of work and into a shelter, where naturally they separate M from F.  At first, I copied.  But I took Ambien with my other meds.

 

Then wound up sick, in pain, and couldn't sleep.

 

EMS eventually picked me up and instead of pysch hospital, I was in a trauma wing of a regular hospital BUT I learned that later.

Because of how unaware I was prior to admission,

 

So when I was in, the laties used a sonogram machine below my belly... Which on the first day had me crying because as a biological male, I was concerned...

 

Then when I was admitted they had me on meds, while the trauma team... Asked questions, poking at my memory holes.  

 

Ever since then, I was suppose to follow up with a place in Dallas to a mostly women's group to discuss... rape.  The wholeb idea at the time seemed wierd...

 

But over time it seemed other  issues of emotional & physical & verbal issues in all male group homes has torn down my mental walls causing me to remember bits and pieces .. or the whole thing.. despite what I want to admit and tell a person. 

 

For me it's annoying.

For me it makes me moreso associate with my trapped girl syndome

For me I'm scared of male shelters & group homes.

For me, I no longer feel safe around *only men*

 

So for me, because I haven't started HRT, I feel lost, sick, and scared.  When I have spoke to someone about this, I've been asked if I can make it to different counties on my own...

 

Only to finally crash in a domestic violence and sexual assault shelter.

 

Only to wake up every day paranoid of the world.

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tracy_j

Not good being in total confusion.sometimes I think to just go with the flow, like being in a river and then catching hold of a branch to climb back. People are people and most men are safe. You are not alone.

 

Tracy

 

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elizabeth22

How??

It's takes me a while until finally I told a social worker about stuff when I was impatient again... She had to convince me that *it* is not a pronoun.  So because of my ladies only clothes but ...

She listened to the things that scare me and now it's like I'm in a women's shelter while I feel like an *other*

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elizabeth22

After all this stuff, I don't even care to follow my fav male actors.

I've lost my stuff too many times to get out of harm's way after assault or avoiding imen suggesting and before it occurs.

I can't mentally crush on a cute guy ..

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Charlize

I'm glad you are getting some help Elizabeth.  We are all worthy of help.  Please continue to take care of yourself.  Time fortunately often heals many of our problems.  Don't forget to share with others.  We here are certainly with you.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

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