Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Sign in to follow this  
MicahKj

distractions are just getting less and less effective.

Recommended Posts

MicahKj

been stuck in another rut for almost 3 months now. none of my interests can keep a lid over it anymore. i don't have the energy for anything physical. at this point the only thing getting me out of bed in the morning is an early smoke. everything i try to occupy myself with is overlayed by dysp.
it's been years. outside of the effects of the move, nothing changes. not for the better anyway. i still haven't started. i still don't have the resources to start. i grew up so mentally jammed into a corner that i don't have the confidence or independence needed to gather them on my own. and i can't rely on someone else for this, you can't ask that much time and money of people, even the close ones. i'm reminded of that every few hours further from the last dozenth time someone's offered me empty favors or reassurances. whenever i get up and try to take even the simplest, most domestic step closer, either the energy just passes off into another depressive rut, or something real happens to force me back on my ass for a while. as of these last couple days i've started getting some of the most intense anxiety attacks i've ever had and spending added up hours out of the day on the floor just trying to calm down. talking to friends doesn't make me feel any better. talking to the therapist just feels like talking to a wall at this point. not even outside of gender progression am i getting anywhere in life and i keep wondering if i'm actually any better off now than i was as a kid when i didn't understand why everything hurt. the idea of transition doesn't make me feel anything anymore. at this point i can't even get myself to care if i never get to change, i just constantly want it all to stop. i feel like i've already given up inside and my body just hasn't caught the memo yet.

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

I agree that you do appear to be stuck in a rut. I know how you're feeling because I've been there. I won't try to tell you to hang in there because things will get better. Maybe they will and maybe they won't. For myself, I had to force myself to reach out and eventually, it did get better.  Struggling to get out of that rut can be hard but it can be done. Force yourself to reach out to friends, to a therapist, anyone who will listen. If you ever expect to get a shot at happiness, you've got to reach out. No one can do it for you. It's up to you.  I did it and for many years now, I've felt a happiness that at one time, I never thought I'd achieve. You can do this too but you've got to make the effort.

 

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
MicahKj

my therapist honestly believes that there's no such thing as unequal societal treatment towards the different genders and minorities and that looking up the statistics is bound to be a great method of reassurement. i haven't a lot of faith in professional help right now.

it feels like i've been reaching out and trying for most of my life and it's gotten me nowhere but ignored, beat up, used, gaslit, or reassured for just barely long enough to dig up one more inch of hope to crush.
 

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

If your therapist isn't helping, perhaps it's time to seek out a new one.  If you give up now, this is where you'll stay. I would urge you to keep reaching out. Everyone on this planet deserves a happy life, even you.  It can be done but you've got to make the effort.

 

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

I agree with Mary Ellen.  It may well be time to find a different therapist.  I suffered for years as an addict.  My drug of choice stoppered helping me and at the same time demanded More.  I was ready to give it all up when i fortunately reached out to others who did understand.  We at TP understand the effect of gender issues.  

9 hours ago, Geirmundi said:

my therapist honestly believes that there's no such thing as unequal societal treatment towards the different genders and minorities and that looking up the statistics is bound to be a great method of reassurement.

Any one who has lived with gender issues would never claim this to be true.  

Please keep reaching out.  The chat rooms here and the folks at Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860 understand. 

From my own experience i found that with the right help it gets better one small step at a time. 

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
Robin

Hi Geirmundi,

 

I can relate to the way that you are feeling, so you are certainly not alone.

 

I find it helpful to think of dysphoria as a being a bit like living with a disability.  It is very easy to focus on the things that we can't do, and that are impossible to change.  There are plenty of things that we can do, and life is not nearly as bleak as we sometimes lead ourselves to believe.

 

You may not have a cherry on the top, but you have still got the cake.

 

Robin.

Share this post


Link to post
Timber Wolf

Hi Geirmundi,

I have gone through rough times that seemed absolutely hopeless. Times that I couldn't find a reason to want to live. I've learned a few things from those experiences. One thing I've learned is to keep going. I wish I could promise you that there are sunshine and daisy's ahead, but I can't. But neither can I promise you there are pits and deep valley's ahead either. That's what I've learned, that I don't really know what the future holds, good or bad. But I'll never reach it if I quit. I'll just stay in the same miserable place I'm in at the time. By continuing to climb that hill, I at least give myself a chance to see change, even though I can't see anything tangible to latch onto for hope. We just don't know which bend in the path may reveal that hope. There have been times that wonderful things have happened out of the blue that I had no way of foreseeing. I don't know if there are more of those ahead or not, but I won't find them if I give up and quit.

 

I also wish that I could say I'm some kind of super being who never falters, but I'd be lying. I do sit down and wallow in my own woes at times, swearing to go no further, to try no more. But eventually, I see the pointlessness in that, and I pick myself up and I take another step. And that's what it takes, steps not leaps. One day at a time. Just live today and let tomorrow worry about itself. That's how I've gotten through the rough times in my life.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf🐾

Share this post


Link to post
MicahKj

good morning. past noon, actually, but that doesn't really look right. habit, y'know?

thank you all so much for the support. the mood's eased up a lot, and i've got a ton of work piled up for today that should keep me too busy to think much for a while.

Share this post


Link to post
MaryEllen

Keeping busy is a good way to keep your mind off your troubles and believe it or not, putting your thoughts in print is good therapy too. Have you ever thought of keeping a journal? Putting thoughts, both good and bad on paper has helped many.

 

MaryEllen

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

I'm glad you are feeling better and thanks for letting us know.  Please remember we are here and are ready to help.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 11 Guests (See full list)

    • MicahKj
  • Who Was Online

    99 Users were Online in the Last 48 Hours
    • MicahKj
    • JFK
    • VickySGV
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Martyn
    • jae bear
    • Leo
    • Michelle F
    • Tam
    • Nickalas Tate
    • Shannon
    • RithiaAllen
    • Ashlee
    • Willa
    • ChickenLittle
    • Sandra6sandy9sand
    • ShipwreckedGirl
    • CallMeKai
    • Lane
    • FalknerNessa98
    • Jocelyn
    • Susan
    • Sara w
    • MaryEllen
    • kelseyn
    • MaryMary
    • Jani
    • Dev
    • Cluck1992
    • dinoduck
    • KymmieL
    • Alexander003
    • Cyndee
    • hmillerrr
    • Briana
    • Kirsten
    • Zalid
    • JJ
    • SeekingSadie
    • Ronin82
    • MarcieMarie12
    • Ivyblossom
    • KC
    • Willow421
    • SandraBear
    • Arya
    • Cloee
    • nitehwk
    • Samsara
    • Jennifer T
    • Katy Ann
    • Terry
    • Amy LeBlanc
    • Jennifer75
    • Snow Princess Sophie
    • pulson
    • Dakota16
    • Zedarius
    • MelissaAndProudOfIt
    • Petra Jane
    • BrandiBri
    • NewLife336
    • J_Perra
    • Timber Wolf
    • Torturedlife
    • Luci
    • KeiraC
    • Willow
    • Annabelle
    • Charlize
    • My name isn’t Megan
    • Grwl
    • tracy_j
    • Rebecca Lynn
    • Sharon Aml
    • Cheyenne skye
    • Susan R
    • Bree/Rain
    • Janeshannon
    • SugarMagnolia
    • L0gan
    • Jennifer123
    • Emillie Lane
    • Josh Johnson
    • Heather L
    • Adaline
    • AsTheCrow
    • Bad
    • Atyra
    • Jackie C.
    • Rowan
    • Kylie Rey
    • AyameExGoddess
    • BrookeBird28
    • Elyssia
    • Dani1
    • Mickey
    • Miss Linnea
    • Wrightful
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      66,767
    • Total Posts
      604,139
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      4,265
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Nickalas Tate
    Newest Member
    Nickalas Tate
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • VickySGV
      I have had a couple of super high readings several years ago, and they went down after a seeming peak at one point.  My endo went so far as to see if the Lab had had problems because it fell like a rock in a week.  Other than lab error the real reason was never determined.  Sorry to say.
    • Carolyn Marie
      Follow-up: Detroit PD and prosecutors have arrested and charged a suspect in this crime.  A motive was not divulged.   Kudos to Detroit PD for the quick work on this case.   https://www.detroitnews.com/story/news/local/detroit-city/2018/12/10/charges-filed-slain-detroit-transgender-woman/2273251002/   Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      First off, i want to assure everyone that I have talked to my endo about this, and she is concerned and pro-active, and I feel confident that she knows what's up.  Just the same, I'm curious if anyone has had experience with this rather, um, unusual problem.   I had what should have been routine blood tests for T and E, as well as sex hormone biding serum globulin.  Well, the results were startling; the SHBSG was almost three times the highest range figure, and the estradiol LC/MS was also three times higher than the reference range high point.   I've been on HRT for nearly 8 years, and this test, and the one 6 months ago, are the first to show that kind of result.  The doctor asked me to stop the estradiol for a week and get retested.  If it doesn't go back to something approaching the normal range, the doc is going to start looking for reasons why my body is producing that much excess estrogen. The risk of not getting it under control is obvious; much higher risks for DVT's and damage to my thyroid gland.   So, anyone have results like that, and if so, what was the cause?  Thanks, gang.   Carolyn Marie
    • VickySGV
      https://www.churchofengland.org/more/media-centre/news/guidance-gender-transition-services-published?fbclid=IwAR1jfsXtNmMDtLeMy7_849ANySTv6crw33Q2yrn_yNL5P7f1n0OUhmuk7nY   In the U.S. the Episcopal Church, which has ties to the Church of England has similar rites for Trans people.  I am an Episcopalian and have undergone this experience.
    • Sandra6sandy9sand
      I think this is a good idea.  I really appreciate the hard work that goes into keeping us safe.   Sandra
    • ShipwreckedGirl
      I totally agree...it's a haunting, beautiful trailer. And Daniela is beautiful too. Orlando...no...
    • CallMeKai
      Guys I just ordered my first binder and I am super excited!!! There are a couple small details that I am worried about but I don't want to think of those right now 😁
    • RithiaAllen
      Thanks. That is the result of several years of training maybe more if you consider the four years of Clearanet playing in middle school and high school.
    • Jani
      Very good!!!  Have fun. 
    • Jani
      Well you could certainly order on-line.  JC Penney currently has some great prices on jeans, then add in a discount!   I like to try things on in the store but finding jeans (tall) can be hard when I look for something specific.  But this time I knew what size I needed so I ordered a few pairs.  Use the Size charts and read the comments to assess if they run large, small or true to size.  Use your hip measurement rather than waist to determine the size to order.      The other place is to look at thrift shops (not consignment, they can be pricey) or Goodwill.   I find a lot of neat things.     As to Undies, just go to Walmart or Target.  No one will care and you can get what you need.     
    • Shannon
      Thank you for your responses. Any suggestions on my current clothing issue?  
    • Carolyn Marie
      Welcome to Trans Pulse, Shannon.  I agree with colleagues re. your post.  Getting totally absorbed with being female and feminine is something most of us have gone through.  It can be wonderful to explore all the aspects of being a woman.  But it is best to take things one step at a time.  It is a marathon, not a sprint race.   Please have a look around the forums and comment or ask questions wherever you find an interest.  We're here to help.   HUGS   Carolyn Marie
    • kelseyn
      Her story is like mine and had no regrets with her transition.She was lucky,had support from her two older brothers whom are still in her life.Mom had a tough time with it at first and her mom came around.Her dad was the with  her mom.We have a great friendship starting and invited me to go out with a couple of her friends Friday night whom are also transgendered.I said yes to it
    • Jani
      Sadie soon enough things will calm down in your head and life will get to a point of normalcy.  Trust me, you'll get there.   
    • Kirsten
      Yeah. People do definitely get sick of the adult teenager.  🤣 but I think it’s important for us all to do. You have to get it out of your system. And learn what’s good and bad for you. Nothing like squeezing a lifetime of learning into a couple years! 
  • Upcoming Events

×