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Hello! I'm Susan


Susan R

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I have been a member for a month now and I'm finally getting around to introduce myself.  I was raised in a strict Catholic family and so I had to come to terms with my gender identity. I knew I was female from a very young age but I was told not to express myself in that way early in life (age 4). I did as I was asked until puberty. I didn’t know why but my yearning to be female increased and I started crossdressing underneath my man clothes. I was caught by my parent a few times but oddly nothing was said. I was fine with that at the time as I didn’t understand what was happening. There was no internet and library’s had nothing on the subject at the time (I’m 56).

To confuse things more, I was seduced by a man who was 7 years my senior when I was still a teenager. I stayed secretly in that relationship for years and was only found out by my brother who kept it a secret. After ending this relationship in my 20’s, I moved in with another man who was like myself…transgendered. We attended a LBGTQ group in our city (Seattle) for years and enjoyed all who we met. Although, to be truthful, I didn’t feel like I was growing much spiritually at that time which bothered me.  My room mate and I lived as females together part time (dusk to dawn) for many years. He began transitioning to full time and eventually completed SRS and legally became a woman. She then moved away and I got my own place and continued to crossdress part time. But I felt something was missing.

I started needing relationships so I started attending a Baptist Church nearby. I became very involved in the church yet still lived like a recluse, never inviting church members over and hiding my crossdressing. (Yes, there were several close calls). Eventually, I did the unimaginable. I purged over a decade of women’s clothing, makeup, jewelry, you name it.  I decided I wanted to “get straight” and a have a “normal” life.  I started dating my current wife of 21 years. She had 3 young children who grew up to call me “Dad”.  But I wanted to something else. I did what was expected and continued to play Dad. They are all in their 30’s now and my wife and I are now empty nesters.

This previous year, after much thought and deliberation, I decided to get help.  I made a decision after getting this help and getting a provider who was very helpful. That decision was to transition into a woman. Something I should have done years earlier although I would have missed many blessings that I received during those “straight” years. I have only come out to my wife and she is somewhat accepting but reluctant. I am now into my 5th week of female hormone replacement therapy (HRT) and know for sure that I’m on the right path for my life. I’m hoping to find support here with my transition as my journey is just beginning. I am looking for understanding and non-judgmental friends and relationships.

 

Sincerely,

SusanMtF

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  • Admin

Welcome Susan.  You have a story that is in many ways similar to, and yet different from, many of us here.  It is unique, as are you.  It does sound like you're on the path that is right for you, and I wish you the best of luck, especially with your marriage and family.  It can be stressful, but definitely doable, as my wife and I have found out.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Susan. thank you for your introduction.

 

I think one thing I get from it is the re-occuring thing that we are who we are and can not really deny it. I hope things go well and you live how you feel.

 

Tracy

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Welcome Susan.  Like you i did my best to live as my assigned gender.  My time here has helped me find and accept myself.  I may always be a bit of a mix but i'm happier now than i ever was living as a male. 

You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Welcome Susan.  I tried to live in a way that didn't make me happy.  I also don't regret the male things I've done and accomplished.  But I am happy. 

 

Jani 

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Welcome Susan. I’m just beginning my journey as well.  Anytime you want to chat about all this feel free to PM me :)

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Welcome Susan!

 

I have only been on my journey for 12 weeks as of today! I look forward to interacting with you and getting to know you more!

 

Kylie

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Thank you all for the positive responses.  Up until this last month, I had never opened up fully to anyone regarding my life story except for my therapists/providers.  I thought I was going to keep it hidden for the rest of my life.  You never know how a person or a group will respond to a bio like what I have lived and shared here.  I thank you all for making me feel like I belong and hope to share more a long the way.

 

SusanMtF.

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Hi Susan, hope you are well, we have similar upbringing in an early stage of growing up.. so I know how you are feeling. Thank you for sharing your story.  x

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Thank you for sharing your story Susan.

I too am 56  and have just begun therapy. 

In  a few ways your story is similar to mine.

I wish you well.

Elizabeth 

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Suzan. 

It does sound like we are similar.   Im glad your wife stands with you.  I'm reading many posts on this site and coming to realize Im in the right place.  Among beautiful and misunderstood people.   I wish you all the Luck and Love Susan.  

Suzi.

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  • 3 months later...
  • Forum Moderator

I found your intro post Susan from October, and wanted to wish you the best with your transition here in 2019, and your family. Your contributions here are much appreciated by many on our forums dear,  enjoy reading your posts. May you find your self realization rewarding and enriching as changes unfold :)

 

Best to you

 

Cyndee -

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22 hours ago, Cyndee said:

I found your intro post Susan from October, and wanted to wish you the best with your transition here in 2019, and your family. Your contributions here are much appreciated by many on our forums dear,  enjoy reading your posts. May you find your self realization rewarding and enriching as changes unfold :)

 

Best to you

 

Cyndee -

Thank you Cyndee.  Life is better than ever now.  Here's a highlight of just a few.  My wife is more than just accepting she is actively helping me become myself.  She loves me as Susan.  My health, specifically my kidney issues, seems to be better than ever.  I now have the best gender health doctor I could ever ask for and she's so close geographically.  No long commutes now.  My doctor mentioned that she wants to change up my HRT regimen to include a higher E dose and also try a new safer anti-androgen which I'm very excited about.  My female wardrobe is getting larger every week.  I've now incorporated a daily routine in my life that makes me feel more whole than ever before.  I know I'm riding a positive wave right now and I want it to last for as long as possible.  Thanks to people here like youself and many others, it's all becoming a reality.  2019 is sure to be filled with even more positive changes in my life and in my transition.

 

Susan R?

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15 minutes ago, Susan R said:

My doctor mentioned that she wants to change up my HRT regimen to include a higher E dose and also try a new safer anti-androgen which I'm very excited about. 

 

Tighten your seat belt dear, here comes the stage 2 boosters ?

 

Nothing like having the active support from your wife, very happy to read this

 

Shopping for new clothes, is one of life's true pleasures....

 

Cyndee -

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  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot.  To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity.  At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone.  I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A.  And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either.  Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side.    However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression.  During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness.  I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could.  Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism.  I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive.  Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic.    I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate.  I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew.  Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career.  Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom.   About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving.  It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party.  I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl.  After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity.  Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic.  Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume.  But that didn’t appeal to me at all.  I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could.   To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party.  In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes.  Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did.  But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called.  Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices.  Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it.   And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring.  I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia.  I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group).  I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta.  I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined.   Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down.  The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star.  The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time.  It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom.   I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta).  Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several.  One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening.  When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers.  I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend.   During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding.  Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile.  It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there.  First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen.  On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar.  In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception.  Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel.  Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times).    My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition.  I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out.  I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety.  It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another.  I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression.  My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings.    Hugs, Sally
    • Sally Stone
      Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening.  Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side.  And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
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    • Abigail Genevieve
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    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
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    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.

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