(trigger warning) Spiralling...

[elizabeth22]

So I know I made posts but I'm terrible at this.

 

So I don't know if I posted this but after various crap I been through, I gave up.  People just thought I was bipolar and have mood swings in the hospital but I was scared to talk about childhood trauma to back and head.  Scared to say I was raped twice... Scared how I felt because I been winding g up in ERs in different ERs only to have to pain. A picture of what I am dealing with.

Having to explain now more recently my suicidal idlation has stopped

 Why?

Because my life physical trauma to the back and other related trauma (hate crimes, sexual abuse) now instead of feeling suicidal, now I can moreso relate to things women go through in general because now I'm in a women's crisis shelter (domestic violence and sexual assault shelter) because more recently I finally hit my climax and my recent hospitalization my social worker wanted me in a "safe" place.

Now I dread with what they are saying in the news and everything what I might go through next.  I'm more scared than anything.  I know now more than ever I can't do this alone, without support.

I know I need support of other ladies in the community because with everything recently ... How they put it in the hospital?  This is traumatizing to see how my back is having physical issues... Recent scars that are healing from other incidents.  This all puts me in tears because I feel like my existance is void and undefined until somehow I definitely my outer beauty as feminine through transition since many males and situations... I no longer belong.

So now I'm kinda in a bind of renting outside of Austin, after this shelter but shuttling is limited between the cities   but they say my concern right now is safety and housing stability.

Ladies.. I need help (badly)

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello, Elizabeth.  I'm sorry that you're in such emotional and physical pain.  I know it can get so hard dealing with everything that comes at us, seemingly all at once.

 

I am not sure how I can help you, though.  I'm not certain I understand your situation.  You are in a women's crisis shelter, correct?  There must be social workers, crisis counselors and nursing staff there, I assume?  If so, please seek them out, especially the social workers, who can help you try to piece your life back together and make sense out of everything, and more importantly, find the proper resources for you.

 

We are here for you too, of course,  Aside from these forums, perhaps you can log into Chat and talk live to our crisis counselors there.  A live conversation can be so much more helpful, as they can ask questions as you go and make real time suggestions.  This gets to be rather awkward here in the forums.   There can be long waits between responses.

 

I hope you find the helpyou need, hon, especially in the shelter and the clinics you go to.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Charlize]

Dear Elizabeth. I am glad you posted here.  Sharing with others can often make us feel a bit better.  I sounds like you have a good support system.  Keep reaching out there.  I know that the recent events in the news is disturbing for many.  It certainly is for me.  Apart from voting there isn't too much i can do.  Hopefully things will be a bit better after the elections.

Know that you are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize