Need Help

[KC]

I am new to the trans community and am still in the process of coming out to my loved ones and co workers. I have my first therapy appointment this week but have not told my mom, dad and grandma yet nor my co workers. I work for the railroad and the guys that I work with have strong political views so I'm guessing their reaction will be negative. My parents have a Christian background and although they don't go to church on Sundays, they are somewhat religious. I'm so scared to tell them because I'm afraid of their reaction. Can anyone give me any tips or guidance on this topic? I would appreciate it a lot!

[BrandiBri]

Welcome KC.

I really can't give you advice on how to come out, since we all have different circumstances that affect how to tell loved ones, co workers, etc. The best I can do is suggest that you discuss this with your therapist. Talking to a therapist is a good first step in finding yourself.

 

Brandi

[Jani]

Hello KC.   I agree with Brandi to discuss this with your therapist.  You want to have a plan especially as you expect a negative response from family and co-workers.  

 

I'm glad you found us and joined the forum.  Please look around and ask any questions you may have.  We'll do our best.  

 

Jani

[Timber Wolf]

Hi KC,

When we first start out accepting we are trans, we often feel like we have to do everything right away. But there is no rush. When we first start out on this trans life, there is usually considerable turmoil in our lives. I've found the best thing to do for me was to slow down and let things settle down a bit in my life. I came out to my then best friend and his reaction was quite negative. I came out before I was really ready, and it made it more difficult to handle the rejection and remain feeling good and confident with myself. If there is no reason you have to come out to them right now, it may be better to wait until you've had some time to work with your therapist. 

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf?

[Jani]

Just now, Timber Wolf said:

When we first start out accepting we are trans, we often feel like we have to do everything right away. But there is no rush.

YES to this.  The further I went the more I realized I needed to go slow.  For me and my family and friends. 

 

Jani

[RithiaAllen]

To play devils advocate I went as fast as possible with the attitude that people would accept or people would be removed from my life.

 

Some called it selfish but then is it not selfish to demand we suffer in silence to preserve others pecking orders and social perception? When I concluded this it made it easier for me to do for me what would enable me to exist in peace and happiness and not continue to fester in mental anguish. If people couldn’t handle it then too bad for them.

 

I do not think it is inherently wrong to move fast. However in cases as life altering as transitioning I also believe in honest self assessment. But when things start going right and it’s smooth sailing why wait, cry havoc. ?

[Katy Ann]

Hi KC,  Go at your own pace. There are no rules..  Don't over think it. Just  let  it happen. Things will fall into place. It's all up to you. But I do agree about talking with your therapist..... Hang in there it will get better...  Wishing you the Best! ?

[KC]

I thought I would get a notification when you all responded to my post but apparently not. Lol I apologize for the delayed response. Thank you all for the advice! You all are great!!

[Susan R]

Hi KC,  if you can, keep us updated on how this process plays out for you.  I myself have many family members that sound close ideolically to your family members.  I have some time before it becomes a necessity to tell them all but that time will come soon enough.

 

Best of luck,

Susan R? 

[KC]

Susan R,

 

     I spoke with my therapist for the first time a few days ago. He suggested for me to let me co workers figure things out for themselves. He said that they will probably find that they don't have as big of a problem with different things as they think they would. Lol although I look and dress like a guy, the guys that I work with still view me as female and that is very frustrating. I am singled out and treated differently...I think it's because they are worried that I will be better at the job than them. I wonder what they will think in a few months when I start changing. Lol

 

As for my family, I am taking that at my own pace. I did tell one family member, an aunt, and much to my surprise, was very supportive. She seems to think that I need to get a little further along in the process before I tell anyone else so they don't try to talk me out of it. I hope this helps! I'll certainly let you know more as I go.

[Susan R]

56 minutes ago, KC said:

I think it's because they are worried that I will be better at the job than them.

Exactly, and there's not much you can do to relieve their insecurities.

 

58 minutes ago, KC said:

I did tell one family member, an aunt, and much to my surprise, was very supportive.

The only people I've told is my wife and my brother-in-law so far.  My wife is not really onboard for various reasons but I was pleasantly surprised my brother-in-law was very supportive and accepting.  He was the first in my family that I told after my wife only because I was confident he would be understanding.  The most difficult family members I need to inform are still looming in my future.

 

1 hour ago, KC said:

I'll certainly let you know more as I go.

Thank you, this is much appreciated.

 

Susan R?

[Jani]

On 11/20/2018 at 11:10 AM, KC said:

I thought I would get a notification when...

Hi KC.  Click on the Bell icon in the upper right hand corner.  There are choices there that you can select to get notifications.

 

I agree with not saying anything to co-workers at this time.  Great news about your aunt! 

 

Jani

[KC]

55 minutes ago, Jani said:

Hi KC.  Click on the Bell icon in the upper right hand corner.  There are choices there that you can select to get notifications.

 

I agree with not saying anything to co-workers at this time.  Great news about your aunt! 

 

Jani

I've got it set up to where it notifies me when I go to the site. But I have to be on the website to receive the notification. Is there an app? Or just the site?

[Jani]

Sorry, I should have known to say look to the right of the title on this thread.  There is a little white box with "follow" printed inside.  Click that and there are the choices you want.  

 

Jani