Advice on coming out to parents?

[Xilendra]

Okay, so here is the deal, I am a male, 19 years old. I still live with my parents, and we are very close with eachother. I have been for the last 2 years, thinking about transitioning, and naturally, I resisted it for so long. Well, now I know how harmful that is. My mom I am almost positive would be accepting of it, probably would be disappointed. My dad however, I have heard his opinion towards the subject of trans people. Outside of my parents, I do not have much of a social life, I do not have friends, and nobody knows about this. I am at the point where, either I go through with it, or I end up blowing my brains out. Please, I need help, or advice.

[Carolyn Marie]

First of all, let me welcome you to Trans Pulse, Xilendra.

 

Your situation is a common one, and at your age, a difficult one to deal with.  You have to ask yourself a couple of questions; are you dependent on your parents for food and shelter and economic survival (school, car, insurance, etc)?  If you got kicked out or cut off financially, are there other relatives or friends you could count on for support?

 

If the answer to the first question is yes, and the answer to the second question is no, you may not have a choice besides keeping the status quo, at least for now.  There are too many trans youth who came out to parents only to find themselves homeless or in dire straits.  It is a risk you have to think about carefully before you make a decision.  One approach you might try is to come out to your mother and ask her to work on your father on your behalf, rather than approaching him directly.  You can give your mom written materials explaining transgender issues.  They are widely available on sites such as Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and PFLAG.

 

Whatever you do, please don't despair.   There are always ways to solve problems, and sometimes solutions will become apparent with a little time and patience.  In the meantime, check our our Chat Room or talk to us in these forums to help work things out.  That's what  we're here for.

 

I hope that helps a little.  I know others will come along and have even better advice.  I wish you luck

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Susan R]

Hello Xilendra, first off I want to welcome you.  It's difficult to express inner feelings sometimes but rest assured everyone here is or has dealt with very similar issues you mention.

Secondly, I think Carolyn Marie has given you excellent advice and I too agree that talking to your mother first might be a great place to start.  You might also make sure to have some readily available information printed out or preprinted pamphlets found at places like Planned Parenthood, for example.  Make available for her some literature  on the subject so she knows this is not just some temporary issue that'll pass with a good nights sleep. Your mom may have even better insight on how and when to go about this entire coming out process with your Dad in a safe and beneficial way.  She just may be your best ally in the end.

Lastly, Carolyn Marie also mentioned the live chat extension here using Discord.  It's great to meet others in real time and to be able to work through issues just like this.  Myself and others here are there daily and would enjoy the chance to chat and get to know you.  I'm there usually in the MtF channel.

 

Hope to see you there,

Susan R?

 

 

[KymmieL]

Welcome to Transpulse. 

I was scared to come out to my wife of 33+ years. I had seen her views on trans people. It scared me so much I had thought of an escape plan incase it came to the big D. It didn't she says she has pretty much know for a few years. So since then life has went on. 

 

I understand about your fright in telling your parents. Like you my mom I believe would accept but I doubt my dad ever would have. Unfortunately he passed in 2006. I know my uncle wouldn't either. 

 

One question, Are you expressing your femininity at all? Cloths, including underwear, mannerisms, Etc. Your mom may suspect already if she found say a different style of jeans in the wash. Believe me, Moms do notice things like this. 

 

Remember we are here for you to lean on. The others here have helped me greatly. 

 

Kymmie

[Xilendra]

Just now, KymmieL said:

Welcome to Transpulse. 

I was scared to come out to my wife of 33+ years. I had seen her views on trans people. It scared me so much I had thought of an escape plan incase it came to the big D. It didn't she says she has pretty much know for a few years. So since then life has went on. 

 

I understand about your fright in telling your parents. Like you my mom I believe would accept but I doubt my dad ever would have. Unfortunately he passed in 2006. I know my uncle wouldn't either. 

 

One question, Are you expressing your femininity at all? Cloths, including underwear, mannerisms, Etc. Your mom may suspect already if she found say a different style of jeans in the wash. Believe me, Moms do notice things like this. 

 

Remember we are here for you to lean on. The others here have helped me greatly. 

 

Kymmie

No, I am not wearing any sort of feminine clothes, or expressing it in any way.