Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Advice on coming out to parents?


Xilendra

Recommended Posts

Okay, so here is the deal, I am a male, 19 years old. I still live with my parents, and we are very close with eachother. I have been for the last 2 years, thinking about transitioning, and naturally, I resisted it for so long. Well, now I know how harmful that is. My mom I am almost positive would be accepting of it, probably would be disappointed. My dad however, I have heard his opinion towards the subject of trans people. Outside of my parents, I do not have much of a social life, I do not have friends, and nobody knows about this. I am at the point where, either I go through with it, or I end up blowing my brains out. Please, I need help, or advice.

Link to comment
  • Admin

First of all, let me welcome you to Trans Pulse, Xilendra.

 

Your situation is a common one, and at your age, a difficult one to deal with.  You have to ask yourself a couple of questions; are you dependent on your parents for food and shelter and economic survival (school, car, insurance, etc)?  If you got kicked out or cut off financially, are there other relatives or friends you could count on for support?

 

If the answer to the first question is yes, and the answer to the second question is no, you may not have a choice besides keeping the status quo, at least for now.  There are too many trans youth who came out to parents only to find themselves homeless or in dire straits.  It is a risk you have to think about carefully before you make a decision.  One approach you might try is to come out to your mother and ask her to work on your father on your behalf, rather than approaching him directly.  You can give your mom written materials explaining transgender issues.  They are widely available on sites such as Human Rights Campaign (HRC) and PFLAG.

 

Whatever you do, please don't despair.   There are always ways to solve problems, and sometimes solutions will become apparent with a little time and patience.  In the meantime, check our our Chat Room or talk to us in these forums to help work things out.  That's what  we're here for.

 

I hope that helps a little.  I know others will come along and have even better advice.  I wish you luck

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Xilendra, first off I want to welcome you.  It's difficult to express inner feelings sometimes but rest assured everyone here is or has dealt with very similar issues you mention.

Secondly, I think Carolyn Marie has given you excellent advice and I too agree that talking to your mother first might be a great place to start.  You might also make sure to have some readily available information printed out or preprinted pamphlets found at places like Planned Parenthood, for example.  Make available for her some literature  on the subject so she knows this is not just some temporary issue that'll pass with a good nights sleep. Your mom may have even better insight on how and when to go about this entire coming out process with your Dad in a safe and beneficial way.  She just may be your best ally in the end.

Lastly, Carolyn Marie also mentioned the live chat extension here using Discord.  It's great to meet others in real time and to be able to work through issues just like this.  Myself and others here are there daily and would enjoy the chance to chat and get to know you.  I'm there usually in the MtF channel.

 

Hope to see you there,

Susan R?

 

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome to Transpulse. 

I was scared to come out to my wife of 33+ years. I had seen her views on trans people. It scared me so much I had thought of an escape plan incase it came to the big D. It didn't she says she has pretty much know for a few years. So since then life has went on. 

 

I understand about your fright in telling your parents. Like you my mom I believe would accept but I doubt my dad ever would have. Unfortunately he passed in 2006. I know my uncle wouldn't either. 

 

One question, Are you expressing your femininity at all? Cloths, including underwear, mannerisms, Etc. Your mom may suspect already if she found say a different style of jeans in the wash. Believe me, Moms do notice things like this. 

 

Remember we are here for you to lean on. The others here have helped me greatly. 

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
Just now, KymmieL said:

Welcome to Transpulse. 

I was scared to come out to my wife of 33+ years. I had seen her views on trans people. It scared me so much I had thought of an escape plan incase it came to the big D. It didn't she says she has pretty much know for a few years. So since then life has went on. 

 

I understand about your fright in telling your parents. Like you my mom I believe would accept but I doubt my dad ever would have. Unfortunately he passed in 2006. I know my uncle wouldn't either. 

 

One question, Are you expressing your femininity at all? Cloths, including underwear, mannerisms, Etc. Your mom may suspect already if she found say a different style of jeans in the wash. Believe me, Moms do notice things like this. 

 

Remember we are here for you to lean on. The others here have helped me greatly. 

 

Kymmie

No, I am not wearing any sort of feminine clothes, or expressing it in any way.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 166 Guests (See full list)

    • Sally Stone
    • Mmindy
    • MaeBe
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,941
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...