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Concerning Violence Survival &TDOR


VickySGV

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Through the Speakers Bureau at my LGBTQ Center, I was invited to speak at a meeting of women whose focus was on the prevention of violence in local communities through legislative lobbying at all levels.  The topic had been on Violence in the Transgender Community, and while this group was particularly focused on gun violence, they let me know that I did not have to limit my remarks to guns.  I focused on Transgender Day Of Remembrance and got hold of the worldwide statistics for this year, which include 309 known deaths in 25 Countries with Brazil 46%  (143) of the deaths, Mexico at 20%,  (62) and the U.S. at 9% with 23 deaths. The other 22 countries having many fewer deaths.  The U.S. did have a much higher ratio (78%) of gun deaths, but world wide it was only 45% of the victims.  Very sad and sobering statistics for all of us.   PM me for more numbers and details.  Some are too terrible to mention in these forums.

While they were very interested in the numbers and my comments on the violence (thankfully very little to my person) that I have been exposed to, they were the ones who found a very uniting factor in our discussion.  Many of them were Survivors Of (Gun) Violence as I have been.  My oldest (but younger than me) sister took her life with a gun 6 years ago.  In addition, I have known other Trans siblings IRL who have done the same.  I easily accept the fact that I am a violence survivor and join in that fellowship that unites me to Cis allies, which this group was.  I had not thought of myself that way before, but now realize there are places where that can be addressed and dealt with. 

I know that political tensions here in the U.S. are high and nearly explosive on the subject of guns and legislative action and will ask that comments on that issue be removed from this topic by other mods and Admins.  I am putting  this topic out though to find others who have been Survivors of Violence by whatever means because through murder or suicide because we do have our own special needs as I have become aware.  Remember our Dead and Work for our future.

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I've been victim of violence, some left permanent scars, but never to the point where my life was in danger, thankfully. If we concider self inflicted violence then it's another story.

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The TDOR website for 2018 is up and you can find numbers there if  you need them or want them.  I took their info before my talk and had to milk it a little bit to get actual numbers.  These are the cause of death numbers I extracted from the text list.

 

Cause of Death

Unknown    51    16%

Choke/drown    16    5%

Beaten    28    9%

Burned    4    1%

Tortured    9    3%

Shot     139    45%

Stabbed    56    18%

Stoned & Car Run Oover    9    3%

 

https://tdor.info/

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    • VickySGV
      Shame is a tough one to crack since it is actually fear of what others would think or how we may injure them.  Other people will say you hurt them, but then be unable to say how you did it if pressed for an answer.  In reality the "hurt" was more in your imagination of the hurt to them.  Females dressing in more masculine attire really are no big deal except in isolated areas where "propriety" passions run high, and clothing is considered uniforms.  Ease your way into your masculine presentation with a new hair cut (no beards or mustaches yet), and easing in more male mannerisms over time simply make the behaviors YOURS to own in comfort.  Don't do it all at once will help. 
    • Jandi
      Yeah, this is pretty much what I did.  It was scary at first, but I lived through it.  Now it's just routine. I think the shame aspect was my internalized transphobia - which is a real thing.
    • Shay
      MISPRINT above - I now see the light   I looked in the mirror and I didn't like the person I saw - but now - thank goodness - I am seeing the light and the light is helping me see the real me.................................
    • Heather Nicole
      For me, it doesn't seem quite as strong as it appears to be for you, and I'd be terrified of the nausea, morning sickness, labor pains, etc. But I definitely do feel much the same way about it as you (and also for nursing, too), and I know there others here who do as well. Doesn't help that a much younger co-worker of mine is pregnant and my sister just had her second arrival this year.
    • Shay
      Good Choice @QuestioningAmber one I found today that speaks to me is an old song I never thought of as trans ....   I looked in the mirror and didn't like who I saw but not I see the light   Patto-Jones-Wright I looked into the mirror and it poisoned my mind twice It left me both time crippled And it tossed my fate like dice I looked into the mirror and the devil smiled both times My flesh was sold with no feelings With no reason or rhyme The smile on my face gave way to my feeling But only time was there to tell Somewhere in space my thoughts are still reeling The miror looked through hell And damned me where I fell You mistreated the boxer You held his spirit down (Yes she did, yes she did, yes she did, yes she did) You colored his reflection 'Cause you didn't like his sound But now my head is clearing And I'm startin' to see the light (see the light, see the light, see the light, see the light) Now I'm lookin' to the mirror And I don't know if it's day or night The smile on my face gave way to my feeling But only time was there to tell Somewhere in space my thoughts are still reeling The miror looked through hell And damned me where I fell See the light, see the light, see the light, see the light...
    • Jandi
      I was always so jealous of my ex when I watched her nursing. Welcome, Danusia
    • Heather Nicole
      I groggily misread "awkward" as "award".   "Awkward" makes a lot more sense!  
    • VickySGV
      She is actually higher here than president, the RED QUEEN is more like it.  (Bows low!!)   Imaginations and passions are running higher this year than any I can remember, and the internet and isolation has given rise to false information False Events Appearing Real (FEAR).  The same events carefully communicated by one person will be wholly acceptable to many more people than just an "inner circle" of policy and direction, but the same entire set of actions communicated poorly and only to "trusted disciples" from a different person will be condemned.  This will be my only post in this topic. It was a good topic though, and with the staff we have will be kept in social bounds.
    • QuestioningAmber
      So I recently decided to watch Frozen 2, and a few songs spoke to me to anybody going through a transformation. One in particular speaks to me today: Show Yourself.  
    • Danusia
      I know what it means to be confused about not being able to get pregnant, this is my problem. Sometimes I dream that I'm carrying one child in my belly and the other, already born, I'm nursing, feeding, etc. And we are "waiting for daddy's return to home after work". Sometimes I dream that I'm in the skin of my friend who already has two children, and the third is on the way. I dream that I am her and I give birth at home, a supportive husband is by my side and the midwife instructs me how to breathe and push the baby. For me, making a joke of it all is a pretty good strategy for dealing with unrealistic desires, but I understand that it might be indigestible to someone else. About the environment - I know the current US president is anti-transgender, it is rather similar in my country, but there is no full consequence here.    
    • Jackie C.
      Personally, I just gritted my teeth, pulled on my big-girl panties and went for it. The fear of exposure and shame went away after a few public outings where nobody so much as raised an eyebrow in my direction. I was pretty indifferent to my male persona's appearance. I simply did not care. Not so with appearing as a woman. I color-coordinate my gym outfits. Nobody cares about my gym outfits, but I still put together a coordinated look to go sweat in. It's like night and day.   The point being that going out as yourself is kind of a rite of passage. There's always some fear in the beginning. I have a friend who likened us to vampires because we only come out at night and shy away from bright lights. With practice though, comes confidence. Take the plunge!   Hugs!
    • MiloR
      Hi everyone ! Ok, so... I think I have a question, which might be quite simple, but the anwser to it may not be so. How to deal with feelings of shame regarding gender ? It's just something that I struggle with a lot, and even if I tell myself that I musn't be ashamed to think I'm probably a guy, knowing it and feeling it really are different stories. And I think my shame is blocking me from acknowledging what I feel most comfortable with in being and in the way I want to present. Because for example I feel sad when I dress as a woman, but so embarrassed when I dress as a man because some part of me tells me it's inappropriate or even dangerous... And so, experimenting and presenting myself as who I want to be gets cloaked by my fears and some kind of stupid conviction that it's somehow "bad" and that I'm not normal... So if you had any advice for me to feel a bit better about myself (also to have a clearer idea of who I am without constantly judging if what I do is good/bad), or tell me how you managed to let go of that specific fear of not being normal or anything, it would be greatly appreciated. I'm aware shame must be a common feeling, but you know, if you had any tricks... I think I could see better who I am rather than who I'm taught to be.
    • Shay
      @Jackie C. Better awkward poking then finding problem.
    • Shay
      Just kidding words of wisdom Cyndee
    • Jackie C.
      You are most welcome. We live to serve.   You have to be careful with some of those jokes. I know plenty of transwomen who get torn up by the fact they can't get pregnant and plenty more that have been conditioned to think that's there's something wrong with them. I live in the US. The environment for us here... could be better. 😜   Again, welcome to Transpulse. I look forward to getting to know you better.   Hugs!
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