Do I Count?

[Anders]

Hey everyone. I'm Lane. I'm 21 years old and identify as a gay FtM trans person. I've been struggling with my gender identity for quite some time now. My assigned sex is female, but I've never really felt comfortable being "feminine". Not even as a child or in middle/highschool.

Long before I even started really questioning my gender, I would often find myself wearing clothing that was designed for males(eg. Men's tshirts, snap-back hats, men's flannels and hoodies, etc.). I always liked the way these clothes made me look less curvy. So once I started questioning more, I began experiencing more gender dysphoria. I disliked my breasts, belly, and face the most.

So... my concern comes in the fact that I'm not in an environment where I can safely try to pass as a male. So I dress as I usually do. Tshirt, jeans, converse, and hoodie. But because of my body shape, i look nowhere close to masculine. I wish I could actually try to pass. I wish I could cut my hair(it's currently past shoulder length... however i have looked up some ways to make longer hair look more masculine and these have helped). I wish I could bind and pack and whatnot. But, again, I am in a hostile environment. I am still financially dependant on my parents (and would honestly prefer to keep it that way) and they are highly transphobic and homophobic. I feel like I would not be accepted if I came out to either of my parents.

So that was a long explanation for the question I'm about to ask. And it may seem silly... but It is a genuine concern of mine. Do I still "count" as a trans guy if I decide (at least for now) to not try to pass as a male? 

[SugarMagnolia]

Yes. 

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. yes. Yes. yes. yes. Yes. yes.

It's not at all about how you express or any of that. If you feel it then it's right. 

[MicahKj]

everyone transitions differently and not everyone has the same goals in doing so. transition exists to pursue our own comfort zones, and though a lot of us wish it would go faster, determining your own pace is important to finding that comfort.
not every trans person decides they're interested in the full physical package associated with transition, either. everyone has different needs and you are what you identify as, even if that identity might change over time. whether you feel more comfortable defining yourself as a transman, nonbinary, or anything else,  all for it, as long as you're the one making that call. don't let anyone tell you who you can't be or discount you for where you are in life.

[Anders]

9 minutes ago, SugarMagnolia said:

Yes. 

Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. yes. Yes. yes. yes. Yes. yes.

It's not at all about how you express or any of that. If you feel it then it's right. 

Thank you! That's what I kind of thought... but I wasn't sure and couldn't find any direct answers. It's very helpful to hear that my identity is real even if I don't present a certain way. It actually eases my dysphoria a bit.

 

4 minutes ago, MicahKj said:

everyone transitions differently and not everyone has the same goals in doing so. transition exists to pursue our own comfort zones, and though a lot of us wish it would go faster, determining your own pace is important to finding that comfort.
not every trans person decides they're interested in the full physical package associated with transition, either. everyone has different needs and you are what you identify as, even if that identity might change over time. whether you feel more comfortable defining yourself as a transman, nonbinary, or anything else,  all for it, as long as you're the one making that call. don't let anyone tell you who you can't be or discount you for where you are in life.

Thank you! I really appreciate the words of encouragement. Especially when I feel so isolated right now. I'm currently only out to 1 HIGHLY trusted friend. They also don't have a whole lot of experience with gender identity, so they can't always be the kind of help I need. And I feel like I keep annoying them by talking about my sexuality and gender identity.

[SugarMagnolia]

So glad to hear that, Lane! Just know that any way you feel is OK!

[EvanC]

Just want to come in and agree with everyone that you are valid and you count. When I started questioning my own gender identity, my trans son said to me that my identity was what I felt it was, not what anyone else thought. Sometimes it's not possible, or even safe to come out, but that doesn't change who you are inside. 

 

Also, I'm sitting here writing this in my flannel hoodie, and sweatpants I bought in the boys department to hide my hips, just nodding at everything you wrote. I'm already 50 and just coming to terms with what I've been feeling all my life. I'm at the point where I'm still coming out slowly to just my kids and husband, and giving them time to get used to the idea. I dress entirely in mens clothes now, but still get "ma'am"d at the store. But I've learned from many people here that it is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time, even if for you that step is just knowing who you are.

[BrandiBri]

I too agree with everything that has been said. You DO count and are now an important voice in these forums. We are here to answer any questions you may have and any comments you have will be welcome here. As has already been stated, the fact that you identify as a trans male, you are and you can transition at your own pace.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

[Anders]

8 hours ago, EvanC said:

Just want to come in and agree with everyone that you are valid and you count. When I started questioning my own gender identity, my trans son said to me that my identity was what I felt it was, not what anyone else thought. Sometimes it's not possible, or even safe to come out, but that doesn't change who you are inside. 

 

Also, I'm sitting here writing this in my flannel hoodie, and sweatpants I bought in the boys department to hide my hips, just nodding at everything you wrote. I'm already 50 and just coming to terms with what I've been feeling all my life. I'm at the point where I'm still coming out slowly to just my kids and husband, and giving them time to get used to the idea. I dress entirely in mens clothes now, but still get "ma'am"d at the store. But I've learned from many people here that it is a journey, and it's okay to take it one step at a time, even if for you that step is just knowing who you are.

Thank you so much! This really means a lot. It helps to know that I'm not alone. If you have any fashion tips, I'd be grateful to hear them sometime!

6 hours ago, BrandiBri said:

I too agree with everything that has been said. You DO count and are now an important voice in these forums. We are here to answer any questions you may have and any comments you have will be welcome here. As has already been stated, the fact that you identify as a trans male, you are and you can transition at your own pace.

 

Hugs,

Brandi

Thank you so much for the support! I do appreciate it a lot. And yes. I'm sure I will have many questions.

[Jani]

Lane there is no guidebook for this journey we are on.  There are no rules except that we become happy.  

 

That you may have to hold back a bit due to being dependent upon your parents is OK.  Time will pass and you'll be on your own soon enough.  

 

Jani 

[Anders]

20 hours ago, Jani said:

Lane there is no guidebook for this journey we are on.  There are no rules except that we become happy.  

 

That you may have to hold back a bit due to being dependent upon your parents is OK.  Time will pass and you'll be on your own soon enough.  

 

Jani 

Thank you so much for your support!