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Question: 2.5 daughter keeps saying she’s a boy


Earth Mama

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Hello! I have a question. My 2.5 year old daughter has been saying on and off  for 5 months that she’s a Boy. It seemed to stop for a couple months, but over the last few weeks it has come back up again. There have been times since this began where she has said I’m a girl, but maybe once or twice. She always prefers to be the male character from stories or movies as well, but also likes to be Elsa from frozen. My husband and I don’t make a big deal out of this behavior at all and just let her be what she wants to be, but I’m just wondering if these are early signs of her possibly being transgender.

 

Yesterday she said she didn’t want to wear a skirt or a dress because “she’s not a girl”, but yet she always wants to wear bows in her hair and wear lipstick. I’m just feeling confused and not sure if I just go on with the way we have been addressing it by just acting like it’s nothing or if we should be taking other steps. 

 

I appreciate any feedback as I’m a first time mom and not sure if this could be considered normal child behavior ❤️

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  • Root Admin

Hello Earth Mama,

 

Welcome to TransPulse. You are doing the right thing in letting her be what she wants to be. This could be signs that she is transgender or it could be just a phase. As she grows older, it'll be obvious one way or the other. Many little girls are tom boys and later grow into girly girls. Just let her be what she wants to be. To force her to do otherwise could lead to problems later on.

 

MaryEllen

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The therapy community today is seeing more and more of a group of children they refer to as Gender Creative or Gender Adventurous at the age of your child.  The most recent findings are that by age 3.5 most children are pretty solidly sure what their preferred gender is, but even there the children allowed to expand and cross over gender lines with family and social acceptance are going to be happiest and also be some of the brightest young people there are.  Although not a therapist myself, I have given training to several day care centers, and the best course seems to be LET THE CHILD TELL YOU, and BELIEVE THEM now in the present.  Trying to manipulate them into one gender or another, even lovingly, and with real concern can become a form of bullying.  The other thing is to hold your own head high with your decision to let your child be their own self and don't let other people try to bully you into forcing your child to pick one gender or the other.   You are being a good parent, you really are. 

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I agree with Mary Ellen. It's too early to tell. I'm glad you're open to the possibility so your child can grow up without having to worry one way or another. The fact that you are supportive now I think will enable your child to grow up happy whatever direction that may be when your child is a little older.

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