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Lane

Ways to Subtly Dress Masculine?

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Lane

Hello... does anyone have any advice about ways that one can subtly dress more masculine? I'm not ready to fully come out, but would feel better if I could dress and feel more masculine. I already dress in a fairly masculine way (tshirts, flannels, hoodies, occasionally a snapback, and almost never any makeup). However, if there's a drastic change in my appearance people will notice and start to ask questions and I want to avoid that. That's why I'm hoping to find subtle ways to help myself feel more masculine. Thanks for any help!

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VickySGV

Dressing, not really much beyond what you have described.  You don't mention hair style, but I do have Andro friends with so styles that can be taken either way, and while people see the new do, gender issues do not come to the front.  Even what you hope will be "subtle" if you do too much too fast will be worse than coming out and telling the truth.  Maybe a men's style watch or put a messy knot tie on could help a bit.  What you need though is to firmly tell yourself, maybe even make a ritual of it, that this is to make me feel more masculine. 

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Lane
3 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Dressing, not really much beyond what you have described.  You don't mention hair style, but I do have Andro friends with so styles that can be taken either way, and while people see the new do, gender issues do not come to the front.  Even what you hope will be "subtle" if you do too much too fast will be worse than coming out and telling the truth.  Maybe a men's style watch or put a messy knot tie on could help a bit.  What you need though is to firmly tell yourself, maybe even make a ritual of it, that this is to make me feel more masculine. 

That is super helpful! As far as hairstyle, though, I do have long hair, but am thinking of getting a shorter haircut sometime in the future. But yes, too much too fast is what I'm afraid of. I had not thought of having that mindset, though, and I believe that thinking those things really will help me. Thank you for the advice!

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DrumbeatAlex

I was going to suggest wearing a watch too. ;D

but you could also look at changing your shoes or jewelry (if you like jewelry) to be more typically "masculine". Eg. a wide/thick plain-ish ring with a pattern or dog tags are generally considered more masculine types of jewelry. 

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DrumbeatAlex

you could also try layering your tops (eg. a tshirt under an open button down). 

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Lane
7 hours ago, DrumbeatAlex said:

I was going to suggest wearing a watch too. ;D

but you could also look at changing your shoes or jewelry (if you like jewelry) to be more typically "masculine". Eg. a wide/thick plain-ish ring with a pattern or dog tags are generally considered more masculine types of jewelry. 

 

6 hours ago, DrumbeatAlex said:

you could also try layering your tops (eg. a tshirt under an open button down). 

These are all very helpful. Thank you so much!

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Bad

Hey, I have a few ideas.

 

Someone once mentioned to me that they use makeup to look more masculine. Fill in their brows, etc. There are probably tutorials on YouTube that can help with that.

 

Also, wearing masc accessories like belts are good. I'd also look into buying men's pants as they don't accentuate curves as much. Men's underwear can help you feel more masc as well, or even boyshorts. I second layering your tops too :)

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Lane
13 minutes ago, Bad said:

Hey, I have a few ideas.

 

Someone once mentioned to me that they use makeup to look more masculine. Fill in their brows, etc. There are probably tutorials on YouTube that can help with that.

 

Also, wearing masc accessories like belts are good. I'd also look into buying men's pants as they don't accentuate curves as much. Men's underwear can help you feel more masc as well, or even boyshorts. I second layering your tops too :)

Oh yeah! I've seen something like that about makeup. I had completely forgotten. Thank you! And yes. The underwear is a great idea! Sadly I don't think I can get men's jeans without making my family more suspicious. But maybe someday! Thank you for sharing your ideas!

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JJ

Men and women have different body language and posture. In fact it can be a stronger gender determinant than any other aspect of appearance. You can begin to study and work on that. People may sense a change but won't really be able to pinpoint it.

One study says that we actually store as much as 10,000 bits of information from body language etc before we even actually speak to someone for the first time . Always remember that men take space while women minimize theirs. men sit with legs wider even when not manspreading and tend to put their ankle on their knee where a woman crosses her legs or ankles, etc. They carry their hands flatter where women tend to

 fold theirs in. They almost always walk shoulders back with longer strides than women.

Changing those things isn't easy because they are habits ingrained from the cradle so you'll have a head start if you master them now.

Those differences are why even flat chested gravel voiced women still get gendered as women while men with moobs and high pitched voice still get gendered as men even when the women have short hair etc and the men long. People would say they just know if asked but truth is it's in the way they move through the world.

Johnny

 

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Lane
On 11/25/2018 at 1:52 PM, JJ said:

Men and women have different body language and posture. In fact it can be a stronger gender determinant than any other aspect of appearance. You can begin to study and work on that. People may sense a change but won't really be able to pinpoint it.

One study says that we actually store as much as 10,000 bits of information from body language etc before we even actually speak to someone for the first time . Always remember that men take space while women minimize theirs. men sit with legs wider even when not manspreading and tend to put their ankle on their knee where a woman crosses her legs or ankles, etc. They carry their hands flatter where women tend to

 fold theirs in. They almost always walk shoulders back with longer strides than women.

Changing those things isn't easy because they are habits ingrained from the cradle so you'll have a head start if you master them now.

Those differences are why even flat chested gravel voiced women still get gendered as women while men with moobs and high pitched voice still get gendered as men even when the women have short hair etc and the men long. People would say they just know if asked but truth is it's in the way they move through the world.

Johnny

 

Oh wow. That totally makes sense! Thank you for sharing!

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DisenchantedHalo

As others have said, most of what you have described wearing is already the best subtle ways to dress more masculine. I also still have long hair, but I have a nape undercut, which is shaved very short and shaped in the same way as my cis male partner, so that I can wear my hair up under a beanie or baseball cap and just have the undercut showing. With t-shirts, undershirts etc. my advice is to not use a V-cut at the moment. I find that even with a men's v-cut t-shirt or long sleeve, it can accentuate the chest too much because it draws the eye downwards.

 

The suggestion to start working on mannerisms, walking, vocal register is absolutely correct. Although I wouldn't say that it has helped me pass as a man - I'm v short and look very dainty/ feminine (as I am not currently transitioning), it has certainly made a few people do double takes when they go from seeing me from behind to seeing me face to face. However, I know  that I am lucky in that I have a cis male partner to help my work on these things, and a vocal coach helping me lower my speaking pitch, even though for an afab I speak at a relatively low pitch. There is an app out there (EVA M - I think) which I understand can help train the FtM voice to speak in a lower pitch.

 

 

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Lane
On 11/28/2018 at 8:06 PM, DisenchantedHalo said:

As others have said, most of what you have described wearing is already the best subtle ways to dress more masculine. I also still have long hair, but I have a nape undercut, which is shaved very short and shaped in the same way as my cis male partner, so that I can wear my hair up under a beanie or baseball cap and just have the undercut showing. With t-shirts, undershirts etc. my advice is to not use a V-cut at the moment. I find that even with a men's v-cut t-shirt or long sleeve, it can accentuate the chest too much because it draws the eye downwards.

 

The suggestion to start working on mannerisms, walking, vocal register is absolutely correct. Although I wouldn't say that it has helped me pass as a man - I'm v short and look very dainty/ feminine (as I am not currently transitioning), it has certainly made a few people do double takes when they go from seeing me from behind to seeing me face to face. However, I know  that I am lucky in that I have a cis male partner to help my work on these things, and a vocal coach helping me lower my speaking pitch, even though for an afab I speak at a relatively low pitch. There is an app out there (EVA M - I think) which I understand can help train the FtM voice to speak in a lower pitch.

 

 

Thank you! All these are very helpful! I'm actually planning on getting a much more masculine haircut in the next couple weeks. The voice training is a really good idea! I'll look into it! And yeah. V-neck shirts have never been my thing. So i have an abundance of crew-neck tshirts! 

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GothicLucas

I had no idea there were apps or even vocal coaches who knew how to train an afab person to speak at a lower pitch and now I am a little salty...

To expand on what Johnny said--I had a good friend in middle/high school who was kind of butch, and she constantly got mistaken for a boy, especially at work since everyone wore the same uniform. Every time she ranted about it, she'd go, "Don't they see THESE???" while gesturing toward her massive breasts.

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SeekingSadie

I was avoiding replying to this, as I wasn't sure I was qualified, but after thinking about it I have been trying to "blend" as male for most of my life, so maybe I can contribute after all.  

On 11/25/2018 at 7:52 PM, JJ said:

men sit with legs wider even when not manspreading and tend to put their ankle on their knee where a woman crosses her legs or ankles, etc. They carry their hands flatter where women tend to

 fold theirs in.

This is excellent and very true - even leaning forwards into someone else's space when they are talking your elbows would be down on your knees.  I was talking with my sister about the fact that you have to have an opinion on just about everything, you don't always need to volunteer it all, just have it just in case - I spent hrs as a teen looking up different types of porn just so I would know & seem knowledgeable - same goes for football and/or soccer, top line cars, politics, music, games, Marvel v DC and anything else that crops up in conversation - you don't have to have it memorised, just have an opinion, if you can't think of one just call it all childish BS and you're covered. (Top Gear was the best for this - in fact watch this and aim for the swagger of Clarkson who always thought he was top dog with the subtlety and humour of Hammond. In truth May was actually the alpha as he had the age and the actual mechanical engineering knowledge to silence the other two and was confident in himself enough to let them posture.) Goes without saying not to change who you are fundamentally though - I am talking group dynamics - a group of lads will insult each other all day long but not take it from a stranger and then they will usually only allow a sensitive side to show through one on one. (yeah - I struggled with the posturing a lot)

 

Fashion-wise it depends on your age, Jeans, T-shirts and either loose shirts or hoodies are a staple, trainers and work boots come as standard. Watches, glasses, jewellery men's tend to be angular, metallic and chunky (which I've never suited).

 

But fashion has become far more androgynous these days thanks to folk like Bieber and groups like BTS ( <---- see a perfect example of a vague unproveable but believable bloke type opinion lol).

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DisenchantedHalo
On 11/29/2018 at 9:12 PM, GothicLucas said:

I had no idea there were apps or even vocal coaches who knew how to train an afab person to speak at a lower pitch and now I am a little salty...

To expand on what Johnny said--I had a good friend in middle/high school who was kind of butch, and she constantly got mistaken for a boy, especially at work since everyone wore the same uniform. Every time she ranted about it, she'd go, "Don't they see THESE???" while gesturing toward her massive breasts.

To be fair, I am actually working on singing with my vocal coach (rock with grit, fry, distortion & screaming), but as pretty much everything we are working on is mostly lower pitch with a few high notes, we spend quite a bit of time working on getting my voice stronger in those ranges which carries over into my speaking voice (except when I get over excited😩, then the pitch creeps higher). So I guess someone, especially a speech level singing coach could totally do it! The EVA app was designed by a singing vocal coach, as I understand it.

 

There are singing apps which help you with pitch (can't remember what offhand). I guess that if you set the range low then you could possibly also use them to train reaching a more male sounding pitch? Some are free, so could be worth a shot. 

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Lane
On 12/4/2018 at 11:24 AM, SeekingSadie said:

I was avoiding replying to this, as I wasn't sure I was qualified, but after thinking about it I have been trying to "blend" as male for most of my life, so maybe I can contribute after all.  

This is excellent and very true - even leaning forwards into someone else's space when they are talking your elbows would be down on your knees.  I was talking with my sister about the fact that you have to have an opinion on just about everything, you don't always need to volunteer it all, just have it just in case - I spent hrs as a teen looking up different types of porn just so I would know & seem knowledgeable - same goes for football and/or soccer, top line cars, politics, music, games, Marvel v DC and anything else that crops up in conversation - you don't have to have it memorised, just have an opinion, if you can't think of one just call it all childish BS and you're covered. (Top Gear was the best for this - in fact watch this and aim for the swagger of Clarkson who always thought he was top dog with the subtlety and humour of Hammond. In truth May was actually the alpha as he had the age and the actual mechanical engineering knowledge to silence the other two and was confident in himself enough to let them posture.) Goes without saying not to change who you are fundamentally though - I am talking group dynamics - a group of lads will insult each other all day long but not take it from a stranger and then they will usually only allow a sensitive side to show through one on one. (yeah - I struggled with the posturing a lot)

 

Fashion-wise it depends on your age, Jeans, T-shirts and either loose shirts or hoodies are a staple, trainers and work boots come as standard. Watches, glasses, jewellery men's tend to be angular, metallic and chunky (which I've never suited).

 

But fashion has become far more androgynous these days thanks to folk like Bieber and groups like BTS ( <---- see a perfect example of a vague unproveable but believable bloke type opinion lol).

This is all very helpful information! Thank you so much for sharing!! Oddly enough, I already do most of these things. I've always said I sit like a man, i stand like a man, etc. Even the leaning forward with elbows on knees. I've done this ever since I can remember. Which kinda says to me "who have I subconsciously been imitating and why?" And I often do have an opinion on things. Though I've learned that females don't often share their opinions to males so I've learned to just keep quiet about my opinions and thoughts. I joke with my friends in exactly that way... insults. That is practically the only way we communicate. As far as insults from strangers... those don't really happen so idk about that. But I do connect with people in one-on-one settings (and almost exclusively in those settings). Thanks again for the advice! It really helps to be made aware of these things so I can make a more conscious effort!

 

On 12/6/2018 at 12:49 PM, DisenchantedHalo said:

To be fair, I am actually working on singing with my vocal coach (rock with grit, fry, distortion & screaming), but as pretty much everything we are working on is mostly lower pitch with a few high notes, we spend quite a bit of time working on getting my voice stronger in those ranges which carries over into my speaking voice (except when I get over excited😩, then the pitch creeps higher). So I guess someone, especially a speech level singing coach could totally do it! The EVA app was designed by a singing vocal coach, as I understand it.

 

There are singing apps which help you with pitch (can't remember what offhand). I guess that if you set the range low then you could possibly also use them to train reaching a more male sounding pitch? Some are free, so could be worth a shot. 

That's really neat that your vocal coach is helping you do that! I wish you luck in strengthening your voice!

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