My Mom Doesn't Understand

[luke_b]

I came out to my mom a little while ago as 'not a girl", which probably was not the right decision because I have been questioning my gender for a couple of years now but I haven't been sure exactly of what I am until recently.

I came out as "not a girl" because I know that she would not except me if I told her that I feel more like a boy, and now that I'm telling her that I feel more like a boy, she is starting to tell me that "I don't know how I feel" and that "what does it mean to be a girl?" to try and convince me that I am a girl who just isn't the 'typical girl'. I'm telling her that I don't like when she calls me her 'daughter' and a 'girl', but she refuses to do so because in her mind I am still her 'little girl'. She also tells me that my dysphoria isn't real because I have been insecure and uncomfortable in my skin all my life (because these things are somehow separate?). 

I see my gender therapist in two weeks from now, and I need help on trying to explain to her what it means to be a girl, and how I do not fit that description because I am not one.

And because she still sees me as a girl she is forcing me to wear dresses and skirts to a religious event next February, so that I wear the 'girl' clothing instead of the 'boy' clothing that I begged to wear last year to the event. I need some help on convincing her to let me wear the 'boy' clothing so that I present and feel more like me.

[tracy_j]

From my experience, people have great difficulty understanding. I feel that many never do. Acceptance is really the key, and that is what you need. We often have great difficulty understanding ourselves, so should not be surprised when others have difficulty. Your gender therapist should be able to help you understand yourself, and how others around you are reacting to you. We do not live in isolation and relationships are tricky. It is something to take slowly hence bringing gradual positive change. Please try to avoid conflict if possible. That will just raise barriers and slow things down.

 

Good luck with your gender therapist. Try to be open and honest. It should be a great help if you go in with an open mind ready to learn so you can plan effectively.

 

Tracy

[MarcieMarie12]

Even I still have a hard time explaining what having a girl brain means. What I can easily explain is that boy lothes always disgusted me, my "part" was like something alien to me, and that when hanging out with my guy friends--some of what they did always struck me as odd, but "boys  will be boys: and I neve had an inclination to be like that. Since transitioning, I finally feel normal.

 

[Jani]

Hello L0gan, 

 

11 hours ago, L0gan said:

need help on trying to explain to her what it means to be a girl, and how I do not fit that description because I am not one.

I don't think you need to explain how you feel.  All of our perceptions are different.  It's like "what does Blue look like" or "what does an Orange taste like"?  We all have have person biases.  

 

Hopefully your appointment with the therapist will go well and help you.  Unfortunately as someone who lives at home and is dependent upon parents for support you are at a disadvantage.  If your mothers non-acceptance continues, hopefully when you strike out on your own things will be better.

 

Jani 

[luke_b]

Thank you, Ill try explaining it like this