So great to be out (mostly)

[Ashlee]

So this week was pretty awesome, I stopped wearing a hat at work. I wear a hat to try to be more "boyish" but it was a loosing battle. Apparently I wasn't hiding anything anyway. Yaaay! The girls all know now. All if them. We crack on each other and talk to each other about clothes, moisturizers, hair color, the best mascara....etc. Most of my family knows. Mom is funny about it but accepting. I but her makeup and she loves that. I did get derogatory remarks from a family of rednecks that come in often but the girls shut them down and basically told them to shut up or get out. Was awesome! We actually ho to places and eat "mostly sushi" and shop. One is trying to set me up with girlfriend of hers that likes me. Shes bi so she just likes "me'". Im judt getting out of a relationship though and discovering me so I'm holding off on the dating thing. Anyway, I have lost some guy friends but whatever. I hate sports and most guy stuff anyway, except my lil car. Vroom vroom. I like playing around with it. Enough rambling. Just excited. To anyone who is afraid of coming out, gut do it. It will be hard. It will be scary. You will lose people. New people will come into your life. People who love you for you. Its so worth it! ???

[Ashlee]

When will I learn to start proof reading. Eeeek. Anyways, you girls get the point im sure lol.

[Susan R]

 

1 hour ago, Ashlee said:

I but her makeup and she loves that.

Hi Ashlee,  I got all of it just fine except this sentence above.  Do you mean?... "I put her makeup on" or "I put her makeup on for her".  Either way..she loves it..right?  I want to do my wife's makeup but I've been too afraid to ask.  I'm pretty sure I could do a good job for her.

 

I am so happy for you. Eventually even the guys at work will realize their just beating a dead horse and move on.  It's nice the ladies have your back.

 

Have you thought about going on a girls nite out with this new girl and some of the others so it's more casual and not a date?  You never know what you might be missing.  I'm just thinking out loud really but if she ends up being a really fun person to be around, it might be easier down the road. 

 

1 hour ago, Ashlee said:

To anyone who is afraid of coming out, gut do it. It will be hard. It will be scary. You will lose people.

I am afraid to come out to anyone else right now mainly because of confidence because I'm not dressing as "me" very often.  The other reason is losing the status of "Dad" to my 3 step-daughters that I worked 21 years to get them to call me that.  It's selfish to expect I can be both Dad and Susan.  One has to go.

 

I have visualized (while lying in bed unable to sleep) at least a dozen times exactly how I am going to "come out" to them and exactly what I will say.  On a few occasions I thought..."I can do this!!"  Then I wake up the next morning, all is back to "normal".

 

Thanks for the update, Ashlee.  It's always nice to hear about your journey.

 

Susan R?

 

 

[Susan R]

I just figured it out after pressing Submit Reply...I was way off.

 

"I bought her makeup..."

 

Was I correct?

 

Susan R?

[Jani]

Wonderful story Ashlee.  Thank you for sharing.  You are right that new people will come into your life and they will love you for who you are.

 

Jani

[Ashlee]

7 minutes ago, Susan R said:

I just figured it out after pressing Submit Reply...I was way off.

 

"I bought her makeup..."

 

Was I correct?

 

Susan R?

Lol. Yes, you were correct. I am horrible at typing on this phone. I go way too fast and don't look enough at what pops up on the screen. ?

[Ashlee]

12 minutes ago, Susan R said:

am afraid to come out to anyone else right now mainly because of confidence because I'm not dressing as "me" very often.

I actually don't really dress really "girly", well, not that I think. I usually wear jeans and tee-shirts. Most all of my clothes are women's clothing though. My jeans are skinny or stretch. I started with guy's skinny jeans to break everyone in to me wearing tight jeans ;). My shirts are kids or women's but could go either way. My kids don't really know but suspect and kid with because when they were younger I was "goth" I wore long skirts. I think they know but don't care. At least I hope.

   You're going to have to do things at your our pace. Do things a little at a time I suppose. Transition different for everyone. Keep your head up and be proud. Be the proud beautiful woman you are

 

Ashlee

[Ashlee]

Just now, Jani said:

Wonderful story Ashlee.  Thank you for sharing.  You are right that new people will come into your life and they will love you for who you are.

 

Jani

Hi Jani. My stress level has dropped so much after coming out. I'm happier at work and enjoy my long days. I have so many other things going on that my stress level was almost going to kill me. After coming out everything seems to be easier to handle. I also notice that I'm not consumed with transition anymore. I can breathe and really just start to live. I can't explain it but I feel like I can be me without trying or living a double life. I also just don't care anymore or even bother with what people think of me. I just pray that things stay on this track. 

 

Ashlee 

[BrandiBri]

Susan, Although my kids know my name as Brandi, I am still "dad" to them. This was my decision, not theirs. I am not trying to lose "him", since he shaped my life and helped me to be myself.

Ashlee, you are definitely on the right track! I have found that transition is more than the outward appearance or even thinking that you are trans, but coming to the point of just being yourself and finding contentment as such.

 

?Hugs,

Brandi 

[Susan R]

 

1 hour ago, Ashlee said:

You're going to have to do things at your our pace. Do things a little at a time I suppose. Transition different for everyone. Keep your head up and be proud. Be the proud beautiful woman you are

I'm trying very hard to go at my own pace.  Soon, it may not be up to me, however. Thank you for your inspiring words. ?

 

Just now, BrandiBri said:

Susan, Although my kids know my name as Brandi, I am still "dad" to them. This was my decision, not theirs. I am not trying to lose "him", since he shaped my life and helped me to be myself.

Thanks Brandi, interesting perspective.  Maybe I can come to some compromise like that.

 

[Ashlee]

37 minutes ago, BrandiBri said:

Ashlee, you are definitely on the right track! I have found that transition is more than the outward appearance or even thinking that you are trans, but coming to the point of just being yourself and finding contentment as such.

That seems to be a perfect explanation. I'm not sure exactly when I started just being me and not worried about other view of me but I'm so glad it happened. I do still get nervous around the good ol boy type sometimes but only for safety reasons. I could care less about their opinions. I even buy my little boyshort style undies and sport bras right in walmart now, just like any other girl. A couple months ago or so I wouldn't even walk through the woman’s section. 

 

Ashlee 

[kelseyn]

Me,coming out in October was greatest thing I did.So far my brother and sister including my female friends are supportive.My female friends even took me out for a girls night out when I started to live and dress as female making my night great.It did hurt my marriage,looks like divorce next year.Wife and I are separated at the moment,does not want to be with me anymore.My parents,struggling with it thinking it was something they did.Kept on telling them it's not their fault and they raised me very well.I start my transition next month which I am excited about

[Ashlee]

I was not good at being a boy and so miserable all the time. Im starting to like me snd laugh and smile more than ever I still have dowbs and terrible dysphoria at times but for the most part happy niw. I'm losing friends here and there but meh. I love my true friends