Taking off the plaster (band aid)

[DeeDee]

Feeling happy so wanted to share. ?

The sister who is coming up to stay with me this Christmas told her son today, he is 18 at the end of this month, this is what she sent me  "He was genuinely very laid back and was quite protective over you. He said he wouldn’t say anything as it wouldn’t be right to do that (plus he doesn’t speak to anyone anyway )."  

I just want to give him such a hug!  I've likened coming out to ripping off a plaster - you just don't know what you'll find underneath - works for telling my family and for my gender journey!

(Baby steps! family-wise I still have 2 sisters, 1 niece, 1 nephew, 1 mum still to go - the other nieces and nephews are young enough for their parents to decide what happens with them)

[Jani]

Great news Sadie!  A wonderful present!

[VickySGV]

That is one of the absolutely best descriptions of coming out that I have heard this year.  It  packs it all into a visual that cannot be unseen to me!!  (Even being a So. California girl I knew what a Plaster was!!)

[Susan R]

I'm glad you clarified the word, Sadie.  I had never heard it used like that.  I'm so happy to hear this news. Coming out is such a difficult thing.  I'm learning this the hard way even though I knew it was, it's never exactly as you expect..good or bad.  Small steps is always a good motto.  I wish I was better at listening to good advice sometimes.

 

Warm Wishes,

Susan R?

[Kirsten]

Awesome Sadie!! One step closer hun! ?

[Dakota16]

Awesome news!

[DeeDee]

Thanks everyone! It really brightened my evening!  The other sister that knows also messaged me and used a female derivative of my IRL name in the text tonight.  I talk to her quite regularly on the phone and she has been supportive, frequently saying that it is whatever makes me happy, but this felt like she has taken an active step to accept and actually try to understand me. ?  So that is two gifts in one day! XX

[Sandra6sandy9sand]

Great Sadie, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.

 

Sandra

[DeeDee]

Thanks Sandra, we exchange small gifts for the children each year and apparently this year there is one that just has my initials on which is for me-me to open when the kids are not about to avoid awkward questions! ? I can't wait!!! likewise I hope you have a fantastic Christmas and New Year! x

[Susan R]

Sounds like Christmas is going to be very fun for you this year!  Wish the best for you this Holiday season, Sadie!

 

Susan R?

[DeeDee]

6 hours ago, Susan R said:

Sounds like Christmas is going to be very fun for you this year!  Wish the best for you this Holiday season, Sadie!

 

Susan R?

Thank you Susan - I have gone from expecting a Christmas on my own to knowing I am actually going to be able to be myself for a couple of days with the family that are here, I have a lot to do to make the house ready today but it is very exciting!  I hope you have a wonderful festive period too x

[DeeDee]

I decided I would continue this rather than start a new thread.  I have two interesting weeks ahead of me, my mum is coming up to help me look after the kids this week and I still cannot find the courage to talk to her. I want to, but I have been so conflicted emotionally recently that I am not sure if adding to my stress at a time when I have asked her for help is a smart thing to do, especially because I do not know how she will react - best or worst case scenarios are both possible as is a jump between them many times once she does know... I'm not sure I can handle that right now, let alone defend myself if I need to.

 

The other worry is a conference I am going to for work next week - there is an opportunity to tell a couple of colleagues who openly support the lgbtq+ communities and find allies before I come out to the high heid yins, but again I do not know if I am able to be "out" yet to them, one of them is meeting me halfway and giving me a lift down and back up and both her and her husband would definitely be supportive, but this is still my secret and I do not know if I am ready to share.

 

Finally as I was always told to finish on a positive - as I am travelling part way down the road I could take clothes and makeup with me and then change when I am dropped back at my car after the conference, I could then take a walk as me briefly in the real world and see how it feels - even if it is at a dreary road side services to get caffeine for the trip home, and my voice is not going to pass - it is long winded and complicated, but would allow me to be Dee with little to no risk of discovery.  Thoughts?

[Susan R]

 

Just now, DeeDee said:

I could then take a walk as me briefly in the real world and see how it feels - even if it is at a dreary road side services to get caffeine for the trip home, and my voice is not going to pass - it is long winded and complicated, but would allow me to be Dee with little to no risk of discovery.  Thoughts?

Dee, I am all for experimenting like this.  It's a low risk situation and seemingly a great place to start.  It could be a very freeing experience.  I wish you luck with whatever you decide to do!

 

Susan R?

[DeeDee]

Thank you Susan, the idea came to me as I was falling asleep the other night, and I am excited to have a practical chance to get out of my head and my house, but it is just frustrating that I have to drive 3 hrs away to even stand a chance of doing something like this without pressure!

[Jani]

OK, First we learn another piece of Scot lexicon, heid yin.   Cool!
 

As far as your mum goes, remember it if starts to go south you can always interject with a plea that you asked for help, and this is part of it.  You're looking for understanding from her.  Acceptance if its in her heart. 

 

As to the conference, if you know these folks well enough then test the waters and speak with them.  I'm not sure I'd get too deep into specifics at this time but get their point of view and ask for their support.  

 

If you believe you will be in a safe enough area to be out as DeeDee, then go do it.  But as you don't know the area and are just passing through, do some homework first if you can.  

 

All my best,

Jani 

[Cyndee]

3 hours ago, DeeDee said:

Finally as I was always told to finish on a positive - as I am travelling part way down the road I could take clothes and makeup with me and then change when I am dropped back at my car after the conference, I could then take a walk as me briefly in the real world and see how it feels - even if it is at a dreary road side services to get caffeine for the trip home, and my voice is not going to pass - it is long winded and complicated, but would allow me to be Dee with little to no risk of discovery.  Thoughts?

 

I like the idea Dee

 

I did this on business trips long before I came out, I traveled to other cities, and went out as a girl, just to do simple things like you suggest, it's great to build confidence and to simply feel the air. First trust your instincts, and if it feels good, then go for it, you'll totally dig it...

 

Cynthia -

[DeeDee]

Jani - sorry did't think to translate this one (high heid yins = high head ones = management) Thanks for the advice, I will see how she is when she arrives and see if I can pluck up the courage before she leaves.  Work folk I will leave until I need to. ?

 

The area would be safe enough its along the main route south to north - I don't imagine there are many places in the UK that are too unsafe during daylight hours as long as there is no football on or alcohol being sold near by - they tend to be family friendly during business hours. The worst case scenario is likely to be just funny looks or an insult from a group of lads on a road trip, both of which I've had a many times anyway.

 

6 hours ago, Cyndee said:

it's great to build confidence and to simply feel the air

Thanks Cynthia, it is important for me to see if I can do this. I know its nothing to to most of the woman who are on this site who already go out regularly but it will mean a lot to me if I can be a woman outside my own safe space interacting in the real world. x

[tracy_j]

10 hours ago, DeeDee said:

Finally as I was always told to finish on a positive - as I am travelling part way down the road I could take clothes and makeup with me and then change when I am dropped back at my car after the conference, I could then take a walk as me briefly in the real world and see how it feels - even if it is at a dreary road side services to get caffeine for the trip home, and my voice is not going to pass - it is long winded and complicated, but would allow me to be Dee with little to no risk of discovery.  Thoughts?

 

This is basically how I started out. It enabled going to places a bit away from home and getting used to wearing skirts and dresses in public. I also made a few clothing mistakes in the early days (most all girls do - look at teenagers), which attacted attention. Nothing threatening, but it was good to know that I could leave at anytime, no harm done. I was usually underdressed, and often wore an overcoat when leaving the house as I could then be fairly complete underneath. I wore makeup anyway so that was already sorted. My main worry  was changing in the car. It can be quite tricky as getting caught in the middle of things would be embarrasing.

 

Experience is everything. From my experiences I would recommend it.

 

Good luck

 

Tracy

[DeeDee]

25 minutes ago, tracy_j said:

My main worry  was changing in the car. It can be quite tricky as getting caught in the middle of things would be embarrasing.

 

That's very true Tracy! Thank you for your response. I'm feeling a bit happier that others have done something similar.