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Jennifer Paige

The Path Ahead: Possibilities

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Jennifer Paige

Hi!

 

It's really nice to have found this place, TransPulse.  I've been on various forums over the years, and was even in *cough* Usenet groups.  I first passed as an MtF in the 1990s, and stopped in 2006.  I went to movies, dinners, clubs en femme.  I drove, stayed in hotels, and was functioning in the world.  As an M2F, I presented on the topic of crossdressing at a couple social conferences, and attended social conferences en femme.  In 2006, marriage and young child forced a decision that I do not regret in the very least.  It was TGMe or raise our daughter.  Bye bye, Girly Man.

 

I was never truly a candidate for SRS.  While I would have liked to have that done, I know I would have regretted it in the end.  I was never all that strongly transgender, despite being that way even as a kid.  And yet over the recent years I've spent much time listening to my femme voice through Apple GarageBand (the old one still works!), and I've redirected my trans affinity toward female models and fashion photography.  The girl still breathes within.

 

In the past, I've been "ma'am"ed in public while appearing fully straight male with nothing adrogynous in appearance.  Obviously something set off signals.  One time it happened with a female friend.  She and I were having dinner, and the waiter asked if he could help us ladies.  :D  He quickly apologized and I told him it was no problem, but I'd have rather simply thanked him.  Another time was in a grocery store by myself.  The reactions were similar.

 

Where do I go?  What do I do?  Today I'm at work, wearing black.  It's black pants, socks, shirt, belt, shoes, and watch band.  I'd love to have a silk scarf around my neck tied to the side, and would love having some nice eye makeup:  mascara, liner, and some smokey shadow.  Hmmm... lipstick, black, lavender, very dark red... nylons while wearing shorts are alway fun in the summer!  A dab of perfume behind the ears...

 

Those aren't possible at work.  They're not possible at home.  They might be possible elsewhere.  NY comes to mind.  Ah, but this is about possibilities.  I'm not looking to "pass", just to push boundaries to where I feel "right".  At the same time I am looking to stay safe.  Appearances that are gender non-binary can be dangerous in many places.  Maybe nothing will come of this.  Perhaps I'll be a coward and do nothing, but I doubt that.  There are unisex tops that are really not unisex.  There are hairstyles that have cute touches!  Earrings... secret clothing items...

 

It should be a fun path to follow. 🧑

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VickySGV

Push away!!  I have a number of Andro people in an LGBTQ Center where I am a board member and I find myself just a little less binary/girly as time goes on.  GCS was the right thing for me, but I know what it does not do, and let that be enough for others to decide what they will or will not do without my questioning their choices.  . 

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Jani

If dressing in an androgynous manner will make you happy then do it!   I understand the need to be safe as there are lots of jerks out there that get angry when they feel threatened, so take care.  I know you've thought this over but realize that going too far might signal that you are more of a gay man than and androgynous person.  I can't say I know where the boundary is.  I understand about getting misgendered as it had happened to me throughout life as well.  You always say one thing in reply, yet thinking something totally different.  

 

So think about what can satisfy your needs; personal, family, and business.  Have fun.

 

Jani

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