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emilia4

Enduring Relationships - Happy Stories

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emilia4

I usually prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.

 

For years, I have struggled with finding good reference points (i.e. happy stories), relationship wise, where one of the partners comes out as trans.  As far as I know, such unions normally fall apart.  I also know that every relationship is different, and what happened to other people may not happen to me.  However, I was always adamant on finding these happy stories.

 

The thought of the break up with the love of my life is and has been the single reason for not going through with my transition.  I am scared and always have been.  I know how much hurt and pain my transition will induce on my partner.  I am and always has been seeking real life stories (on Youtube, news, or stories) where despite one person's transition, the couple stayed together and sometimes even gotten stronger. I still consider these far and few, and relatively hard to find.

 

If you start typing different keywords into Google or Youtube around this topic, you are bound to get many hits, but most would not be your worth.  After eons of research, I feel obliged to share two of my favourite videos on the topic of enduring relationships during and post transition.

 

The two links below are 6 years apart and from two different women, but they both, in their own ways, talk about how their relationship changed, but ultimately survived, the transition.  I do not personally know either of them, but both seem like nice ladies.

 

Charlotte W - Relationships now I'm out as transgender - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHKVc5jVRQ8

MTF Transition VLOG 3 Marriage, Family & Transition - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vqGyRbWqdtM

 

 

If anyone has any other videos of similar nature, not hypothetical scenarios, but real life positive stories - please share them!

 

 

 

 

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Charlize

Emilia i certainly shared your desire not to loose the woman i loved when i transitioned.  Fear of separation and loss filled my thoughts.  That was most likely one reason i transitioned late in life.  I was 63 when i transitioned and we had been married for 40+ years.  This spring it will be 47 and we're still together....perhaps closer than ever.  It hasn't been easy but honesty in a relationship can be as hard as it can be rewarding.

It may well have been that if we were younger when i came out she would have left me.

My gender therapist was quite helpful in finding a path with my family.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Cyndee

Hi, I've been married for 33 years, and together for 35. I told my wife to be about myself, the best I knew then before we were married, that simple honesty, paid dividends into the future. Here we are still together, the relationship changed, it's not the same as it used to be, we are more like sisters today. I've heard others mention, the rate in which couples stay together with one transitioning partner is increasing over the past decade or so. I've met a number of couples still together personally.

 

It's possible, with a lot of listening, empathy, and of course love. Best of luck to you Emilia.

 

Hugs

 

C -

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Kirsten

Simply search through our members and you’ll find plenty of stories of couples that stay together through a transition. My own being one. I’m 40 and my wife is 38. We have been together for 9 years this February. In the time leading up to my transition things were going downhill. My personal issues with who I was were getting in the way of me being able to share myself and my life with anyone let alone my wife. 

Since transition I have had a lot of instances that have maybe made me think a bit about if our relationship will make it. But it has. And it truly is much much stronger today than it has ever been before.

Nobody will ever know if they’re going to be together forever, but one thing I have come to terms with is the fact that if my wife and I were to separate it wouldn’t be because of transition. It would be because we aren’t meant to be together. And I don’t know anything that would ever break our bond. We love each other totally fully and completely. She is my best friend. And I am hers. 

The one thing that changed my mind about transitioning was the fact that I was lying to the one person I loved every day. That is not something you do with those that you love. You can’t share yourself with someone if you’re not being honest with them. They deserve to know the truth. They deserve to have the opportunity to be happy and so do you. But that comes from being honest and true. 

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Josie Beth

This is so true. Since confronting myself and realizing I was not being true to myself and my significant others, I finally realized that was why I continued to fail with relationships. I do long for that closeness but I’m not ready for it yet til I’m living my truth in full. The next time I’m coupled I want it to be forever so that means no secrets. I can point to so many examples of things that go wrong and it usually means that there are secrets being held back by one person or the other. Often it leads to tragedy. Truth is the only way. I’m happy for anyone who has found a partner that can be 100% honest with them and vice versa. That’s not exactly the norm in any kind of relationship. But when you find that it’s golden. Best wishes to everyone who is happy with their partner. Love is a wonderful thing.

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