Feeling ‘less’ trans?

[My name isn’t Megan]

I’m male by birth, and for the past year, I’ve slowly but surely fallen in love with the thought of becoming a girl. I don’t have severe disphoria, though I would prefer having a more feminine body overall. After some strenuous times trying to find common ground with my parents on the matter, I think we’ve reached some stability at long last. And despite things feeling more (albeit not much more) accepting towards my experimentation of gender, the past week has left me feeling really odd; almost like my desire to become a girl is not as strong as it used to be. I’m really not sure how to feel about this; I spent a lot of sleepless nights and depressive days pondering why I felt this so strongly, and now it’s a sleepless night that has me pondering why these feelings aren’t stronger than before! ??

 

I still believe that I want to become a girl, but it’s almost like I have to keep telling myself that sometimes... if you have some thoughts on the matter, I’d greatly appreciate hearing them!

 

Happy New Year! (Almost!)

 

Megan ❤️

 

 

[Charlize]

Megan.....I was an older person when i transitioned.  There were times throughout my life when i would experiment with my gender but circumstances as well as pressure from society forced me back to my male role.  I lived there quite contentedly at times.  I think that gender issues are sometimes more fluid than many think.

You might want to consider seeing a gender therapist.  Mine helped me a great deal.

In the meantime try to simply take a deep breath and enjoy life as much as you can.

Happy new year.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Cyndee]

The little voice in your head does seem to oscillate in intensity over time, one day all of this means nothing, then a few weeks go by and it's bamm like she hits ya over the head with a frying pan. Keep an open mind, don't try and force things is my thoughts, let it happen, your true self will surface in the end, give yourself room to maneuver, don't box yourself in, gender can be like shifting sands, with lot's of overlap. Changing one's body is a major step, one for the prepared. Keep a journal of your thoughts, then a year goes by and look back at your thoughts then, could give you perspective over time. The main thing, just be happy, find happiness in your expressions, the binary can be so restrictive if you let it...

 

Hugs and HNY 2019 to you Megan

 

C -

[Josie Beth]

Don’t be so hard on yourself. I’ve been struggling with this very thing for almost 30 years. When I finally decided to take the plunge and begin hormones I was ill equipped to continue. Most of that was due to finances, attempting to live a double life where I only was full time on days off, and being completely alone in my life. I had no support system in place where other transgender women could give me advice and encouragement. This led me to doubt and I abandoned my dreams. I’ve always been sure of my feminine gender but hesitant to express it at times. The last 15 years have been the longest I’ve neglected to address this issue and now it’s to the point where I’m almost desperate to be female. But instead of acting out in a hurry, I’m trying to learn what I did wrong last time and how to make sure I’m better prepared to actually stick with it this time. The first thing I need desperately is a support system of other transgender women who understand what I’m going through who can be mentors and friends. And they can help me in simple ways like finding my style, makeup, and other affirming things. They can even help me avoid dangerous situations, network to find a trans friendly job, and help me feel less self conscious about myself. I also need a gender therapist who won’t try to talk me out of my decision to be me. Then I’ve got to get on HRT again because I don’t feel comfortable as a man. It’s not who I really am. And I’ve known this for over 30 years in one way or another. It’s about really understanding what will truly make me have a happier more fulfilling life. And how I’ve only been neglecting my happiness because I’m so busy trying to please other people’s expectations. It’s not working anymore so my crossroads is here again. I can’t keep ignoring it. That’s not healthy. I’m finally ready to be me, not what other people want me to be. But I’m also aware that it’s a difficult road ahead and it’s not all going to happen overnight. Even though I’m not taking HRT and don’t have a therapist yet, I’m more content just accepting who I really am and with the determination to follow this dream no matter what excuses I encounter that try to dissuade me. You may not be there yet or maybe you will find some other way to cope. Transitioning is not for everyone, so take it slow, don’t obsess about it too much, but keep in touch with those feelings and don’t bury them either. The answers you are trying to figure out will present themselves in many possible ways, but they should be a good fit for you, and should be positive reasons. If they feel right then they are probably the right answers. I hope this helps a bit. Please don’t hesitate to keep expressing how you feel because it’s necessary to finding your way in times like this. There’s no judgment here and no right or wrong way to express your gender. 

[Jani]

Megan don't be hard on yourself.  I agree with Charlize's assessment.  Don't worry about fluctuating thoughts. 

 

Jani  

[My name isn’t Megan]

Thanks for the advice and support everyone ??? ❤️