Confused

[Hellothere]

The main reason why I joined a forum is because of the fact im unsure. Its a sucky thing and distracts me from thingns like school. When i came out, my mother said im to young to know. I understand, and this places more doubt. I dont feel right looking in the mirror and seeing a girl. I hate when my hair grows out long, hate anything girly. I get strong bouts of the feeling to hide. A powerful just hide feeling. I dont know anyone in my day to day life like this or thats gone through this. So i ask you, how did you know? How young?

[MarcieMarie12]

I had clues when I was young, but shame, denial and other excuses kept me from looking at myself honestly. I was mostly going through the motions of life, watching it go by like a movie. Now I actually feel involved with life. I've heard the too young to know excuse before, but in reality there are children that come out as transgender as young as 4. Gender identity from what I've read typically forms at around the age of 3-4. For myself I don't think it properly developed because I was transgender. It took me until I was in my early 40's to figure things out. Part of that was the fact that I grew up in the 80's, and the other part of it was denial that it was just because I'm not married or that I believed all boys wanted to be girls (it was just a secret no one talked about). 

 

I would saay the biggest limiting factor for transitioning for me was information, denial and shame. My biggest regret was not transitioning sooner. 

 

As to how did I know, it was gradual. But this article's perspective helped me out a lot:

 

https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/

[Willow]

Well, I can’t tell you what the signs would be for you.  I know when I was young I was different but didn’t associate it with anything.  Gender dysphoria is not new, but with social media it’s certainly talked about more.  

 

I didnt know know what I was or what I really wanted. Many will tell you that it comes and goes, I am one of them.  But I can also agree with everyone that will say each time you find a way to deny it and push it aside, when it comes back it will be stronger until you know you can’t deny it any more.

 

Some know or claim to know very young others as teens and then there are those of us who don’t figure it out until much later.  Stay here, others will respond and we all want to help however we can.

 

Willow

[VickySGV]

One of my friends is a medical doctor who is the head of a major children's hospital Trans Youth program of over 400 patients.  Dr. Jo, as she is known, has singed the hair and ears off of many people who say that young children are "too young to know" and I have been there when she did.  To her, her patients know full well who they are, and many are brought in at ages 4 - 6.  It is parents who do not know who their children are and are afraid to find our, or believe because they are parents they "must know" often when they secretly know they do not and are afraid their children will find out.

 

You know who you are, or more the point, who you want to be seen as and how you want the world to know you.  You want your intelligence and your honest and direct character to be seen and to you that means having short hair, clothing that is simple and does not take away from what you need or want to say.  You know that you like to do things more associated with male skills and play sports that are more demanding than your community offers for girls.  Those are things you do know.  If you have Gender Dysphoria, all of those things will stay with you, but if you do not, it does not really matter you had fun, learned things and gained friends that will last a life time.

 

For now, talk to your school counselor about the grades and school work problem (which I admit are symptoms of GD) and see if they can, just for now, convince your parents to let you do the non-girl activities, or can get you other counseling with someone who you can discuss the gender issue without it being denied.  Until you can find such a person. leave the Gender issue alone with your parents who have blocked the possibility in their minds, and concentrate on the specific activities you want to do, just as "their daughter".  My 9 year old grand daughter likes her hair short even though it is beautiful when it is down to her waist, but her parents know the hair can and will grow back. 

 

At your age I agree that you should not do anything that cannot be reversed, as does my medical friend who does prescribe puberty blockers to young people in your age group, but those can be reversed if needed without harm. 

[Hellothere]

The article is really interesting and helpful. Reassuring. Im sure ill struggle for a while totruly understand and convince my parents. Thank you:)

[Hellothere]

Ah i dodnt notice there were more replies till i sent the first one. Whoops.

In general, i dont do many girlish things and i have a short haircut. Once and a while my mother will buy some over the top girlish thing and ill be honest and say that i wont really ever wear it. Im thankful for their understanding. They didnt know it had gotten to this point. They arent against LGBTQ+ people as well, my circumstances are good compared to others. Therapy and talking to counselors  is a whole new question, im not the best at talking and being heart to heart with people other than one of my close friends. Ive been working on that. I really appreciate your answers! Being “to young to understand” was really bugging me and making me struggle with this whole thing, this really helps!