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In your journey when did you have your therapist use your preferred name?

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After reading the thread from Roadster about names. I wondered, When did others here have your therapist begin using your preferred name? A couple of times my therapist has asked. If I wanted to be addressed by my given name or another. Lately I have said my given name is OK for now.


So, that is the question, When in your journey did you have your therapist use your new preferred name?



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always asked them to use my real name and not my dead name.

They better not make any mistake, lol I already had to endure them trying to figure out why i'm trans and putting the blame on every single member of my family. Them using my dead name would be the straw that brake the camel's back.

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This is another one of those where it is up to you.  Using your "real name" is one way to establish comfort with the name and test your reaction to it.  I had used my name while I was CDing (my clueless days) and it felt good in public.  Therapists will be even willing to shift gears on your name during therapy depending on your mood or issues at the time.  I did have things that I needed to deal with in "him" mode in my mind, and the therapist I had asked me one day if I even could work better that day using my babyhood name, since the problem went back that far.   The suggestion was helpful and I cleared out some mental trash I would not have gotten to as easily with my male name or with Vicky.  There is no rule on when you have to start using your Real Name and so there is no gate keeper's checklist when "Used Preferred Name, advance to level (???)" happens. 

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Vicky, that is very interesting to me. I never thought about old issues being affected by name like that before, but it kind of makes sense in many ways. 🤔

My last therapist always used my now name. But I introduced myself that way from the beginning. I’m not sure she even knew my old name. Well maybe from my insurance card. Idk. But my new therapist does not know my old name. I am past that part of my transition. 

I think it’s really however you are comfortable. It should be your decision. I am not sure how I’d feel if anyone used my old name at this point. It’s been months now since I’ve heard it really. Hmmmmm Kymmie, you really got me thinking today. 😜

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It’s funny I cannot recall if I ever used my dead name with my therapist or not. I know that she referred to me with my name.


I know I did not start out going there presenting as female. I went on HRT before I was out publicly. I remember starting to go to therapy in female clothes and then changing out of them after. Then going full time and feeling a lot better.


My guess is I probably didn’t start using my name with her until I started going in presenting as female.


The one thing I know for sure was Dr. Eleanor Crisswell was a great therapist.

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Josie Beth

I personally would prefer my chosen name, I tried an intermediate name once but it felt wrong and it’s just a cop out to me. My old name has a lot of baggage attached to it. I’m still going to need to work through those things but my real name is a new source of empowerment, I chose it just for that reason.

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I didn't at first even though she asked. I was a little embarrassed, I think. But after 1 or 2 sessions, I asked her if she'd switch and was glad I did. It felt good to hear someone using it!

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Amy LeBlanc

I remember when my Therapist started to use my name.  It was on the first, my therapist knew my dead name when I first called her to talk to her and about setting up my first appt.  Then on the very first day I was in male mode and my Therapist asked what my name is and so I told her Amy LeBlanc but I had yet to come up with a middle name.  She asked me if it was alright to call me Amy, and every time I went to see my therapist, she has always called me Amy.  It was not till my 3rd session is when I started to dress as myself well before the HRT.  Then every time I saw my therapist, I was dressing more and more female like and was living part time.  


So since my very first session with my therapist, she has used my name

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I was asked this last session and decided to continue that session with my birth name, it seemed odd to switch over halfway through the session, for me being able to express myself genuinely is a big part of why I'm seeing her. I do not want Dee to just be another mask I put on because I think it is expected.  It feels like I am working towards it though as it makes me feel nice to be recognised as her and not him. X 

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1 hour ago, DeeDee said:

I do not want Dee to just be another mask I put on because I think it is expected.


A powerful insight in that statement!!                  


It is in line with what  I was mentioning up above.

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I told my Therapist very early on but other than to record it, he has never mentioned it.  I only use it here and with a support group that I am joining.



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Susan R
5 hours ago, KymmieL said:

When did others here have your therapist begin using your preferred name

From the very first visit.  it was one of the first things she asked.  Same with my endo.


Susan R🌷

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When I started therapy over 6 months ago, my therapist asked what my preferred pronouns and name were, but I hadn't chosen a name at that point, and was very much in questioning mode, so I went with my birth name and pronouns. Now I think I'm slowly approaching the time to make a change.


This forum is the only place I've used my chosen name, but as time goes on it feels more and more uncomfortable to hear my given name. Times like when I am ordering a coffee and they ask for my name, it's getting harder and harder to say my birth name. It just feels really weird. The few times I've used my chosen name in those sorts of situations, it felt really good, but I also felt a bit of a fraud, like who would believe that was really my name. Guess I still have some work to do, but I'm hoping to grow into my new name someday.

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From the first day we used my name. The legal name is on the paperwork, and I am working on getting it legally changed. 

I had been living full time about a year when I started therapy and using my name as much as possible there are things that require my legal name. 


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I don’t yet have a therapist, hopefully soon. I did come out to my GP recently, so that she could help me find a therapist and to discuss HRT. She asked me right away what pronouns to use. I stuck with my birth name and pronouns, as I am a long way from out and presenting. I think once I start to look and feel more me on the outside, I’ll be ready to switch. 

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Thank you all for the insight on name use. I may just start using my real name. I know that the first day that I came out and met with my other counselor. She asked right away if I wanted to use my given name or not. I think then it kind of weirded me out, at that moment. As I have seen my counselors it is getting to the point that maybe it is time for the next step.


It is kind of like when I got registered with the KS VA. the lady asked me. The sex I identified as. Of course I said Female.



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