Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Sign in to follow this  
Carolyn Marie

The Womanhood Express

Recommended Posts

Carolyn Marie

At the beginning of my journey I felt the urge to express my feelings about my overwhelming emotions..  I tried out poetry, and wrote a few poems.  I tried to find them in the Poetry Forum archives, and I'm sure they are there somewhere, but I couldn't find them.  Luckily I saved them as Word docs.  Here is my favorite.



By Carolyn Marie

We're waiting at the station,
In hope but also stress,
We all stand in patient queue,
To board the Womanhood Express.

It's said this train is magical,
A journey long and fair,
To a place we all can be ourselves,
And live as women there.

Our tickets paid in price so high,
The cost beyond belief,
Lost friends, lost loves, lost families,
Bought our fares as well our grief.

Our suffering we packed away,
In bags filled with regret,
Until they bulged at every seam,
And begged us ne'er forget.

But time is short, the train awaits,
The conductor makes last call
To board the train called Womanhood,
It will take us, one and all.

As we pull out from the station,
The engineer gives a whistle toot,
And all the teens in the dining car,
Call out as one, "Woot, Woot!"

We have a crew of therapists
On this train to help us find,
The path to gender harmony,
Between our bodies and our minds.

There are doctors in the medical car,
We could not do without,
They prescribe the medicine,
That lets the "girls" in us come out.

Surgeons are here too, we're told,
With skills so long refined,
To take away the male parts,
And create the female kind.

Next in line is the dining car,
Where salads are the fave',
But for dessert we save some room,
For the cookies that Dev made.

In the Femme Car we all practice,
Ways to look and sound so fine,
Voice and walk and mannerisms,
Feminine and refined.

Hair is the objective,
In the next car on the track,
Not only how to take it off,
But how to grow it back.

A modern torture chamber
Is the horror that awaits.
Laser beams and 'lectric probes,
Take those whiskers off our face.

Epilators and razor blades,
Turn our smiles into frowns,
They make us wince and make us cry,
But leave skin like eider down.

Fashion rules the next car,
And we girls line up in glee,
Perchance to wear a pretty thing,
To make us feel carefree.

We match our clothes to body types,
Tall and heavy, short and thin,
But we have only one goal in mind;
Wear something to blend in.

The last car on this train of hope is
Dimly lit and draped in gloom.
It's here we come to pay respect,
To those who've met their doom.

Some took their lives when hope was lost,
Some fell prey to hate and fear,
We cherish lives of one and all,
And hold their memories dear.

The train begins to slow at last,
The station comes in view,
This land we will live out our lives,
Is draped in morning dew.

Our noses press to windows,
As we gaze on promised soil,
This wonderland of female dreams,
For which we long have toiled.

We gather on the platform,
Wearing jeans and skirts and dress,
Blow a kiss to engineer and crew,
Of the Womanhood Express.

Arm in arm and hand in hand,
We march onward strong and proud,
Our journey now is over,
And we melt into the crowd.


Share this post

Link to post

I LOVE this. So beautifully written! You have such a great way with words.

Share this post

Link to post
Carolyn Marie

Ah, you found it!  Thank you very much, Aiden.  I wrote this at the beginning of my journey, and had to repost it this year after it was lost in the site re-boot.  It's my favorite.


Carolyn Marie

Share this post

Link to post

This is beautiful! It really invokes imagery of this journey. ❤️

Share this post

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 93 Guests (See full list)

    • Jocelyn
    • DeeDee
    • Carolyn Marie
    • MaryEllen
    • JenJen
    • EZDoesIt
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Brienne
      (47 years old)
    2. ShyAshley
      (33 years old)
  • Posts

    • MaryMary
      very beautifull song
    • NB Adult
      Wow, absolutely stunning and not at all surprising that boyfriend would be proud to have you by his side! I'm sure that happy look on your face and beautiful smile lit up the entire room.
    • Debra Michelle
      Part of our making money in our towing yard business,most of them were a huge pile of junk.Junkyards bought them.We get one junkyard that comes in buying 10 to 12 vehicles,good to us and says I am a great auctioneer
    • Jani
      That's the way it should be! 
    • NB Adult
      Heck of a business, but clearly it has it's bright upsides!
    • Debra Michelle
      Busy this morning,had an auction at our towing yard.Auctioned off 50 vehicles,5 court seizures and rest of them abandoned.One bidder threw me off a bit,one of the bidding assistants caught it at the right time.He was told to leave and told not to come back ever again.Did it to me twice and this was his third time doing it.One employee of mine was there,she bought her 16 year old son his first car which was a 2001 Chevy Cavalier 4 door.Runs good and her son is satisfied with it.Two bidders were in a bidding war on a 2016 Jeep Wrangler,a court seizure.Court is going to be happy,they are getting a good chunk of money.
    • Ashlee
      Thank you ladies! I am truly enjoying life now! 
    • NB Adult
      Michelle, being open and available to others is the key to being able to lose our own natural propensity for self consciousness that is sometimes all consuming and becomes the ruination of potentially good experiences out in public and even with friendships. It also serves to drive away the dark clouds of depression that we sometimes fall into when we become overly self absorbed with our own negative self image. Most people don't see us as we do and aren't nearly as critical as we tend to be of our own selves.
    • Jackie C.
      Well you might have. Women mechanics and women who ride are HAWT. So at least it would have been in a good way.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Huzzah for helping people! I've had a couple of people stop me and tell me how brave I am, but I don't think I've ever inspired anyone to get help. Well done!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      @Krisvm You look great! I'll bet you feel pretty good too. There's just something about being right... also I'm jealous as heck of your waistline. Work it girl!   Hugs!
    • JustineM
      Belated good morning everyone! Been on vacation this week and have the dreaded drive home tomorrow. Just relaxing today and a wedding to attend this evening. Hope everyone has a lovely day
    • Josie Beth
      I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already.  So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into. 
    • Robin
      Hi Alex,   I am glad that you have joined us.   Robin.
    • Robin
      Hi Nina,   I am glad that you have joined us.   Robin.
  • Upcoming Events

  • Create New...