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Tessa

I Am Beautiful

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Tessa

I Am Beautiful 

 

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Behold I am beautiful 

As I get older

I become even more wonderful 

 

My heart reflects who I am inside

Beauty Is found inside my soul 

That is where true beauty can’t hide

This is where I feel whole

 

To find beauty you must dive deep 

You must love who you are 

You are the treasure you must keep

You are a shining star 

 

You are beautiful inside 

Let love shine through 

You have nothing to hide

No one can be you but you 

 

by, 

 

Tessa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Tessa

Tears

 

Tears of joy or pain

Tears are falling 

I’m crying again 

Hear me balling 

 

I’m told not to cry

You must be strong 

But than I wonder why

Is what I’m feeling so wrong 

 

I want be loved 

not ignored and pushed away

I want to be hugged 

Told I matter in some way

 

Tears that heal

Are ones from the heart

They tell you to feel

They give you a bran new start 

 

by, 

 

Tessa 

 

It’s early in the morning and I can’t sleep. My mind is flowing so I thought I would write this. I hope it inspires and lifts up the reader. 

 

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I took this pic. It symbolizes hope! The clouds look like people and their letting the light shine out from them. That’s what true love does!  

 

Love always, 

 

Tessa 

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Tessa

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

431E955F-864F-42A6-9296-6669BED5DD80.jpeg

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Tessa

Fallen Rose 

 

I gave my lover a Rose

But they threw it on the ground

Now nobody knows

Whose Rose they’ve found 

 

I picked it special from my garden 

But they took it as an insult

Now I watch it harden

Is it all my fault 

 

I gave them my very best Rose

One I watered everyday 

What do you suppose 

Could have made them throw it away

 

Now that rose lays on the ground

Crushed and bruised under people’s feet

Can that Rose ever again be found 

Will that Rose ever be complete 

 

By, 

 

Tessa

 

 

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JohnniGyrl

Good works!

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Tessa

Thank you 

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Tessa

Holes

 

Holes in my jeans

Like holes in my heart 

My heart leans 

For a bran new start

 

A new beginning if you will

With new faces 

A place where I can be real 

And really go places 

 

Where friends are born 

Instead of paying a price 

Where my heart won’t be torn 

Oh, wouldn’t that be nice

 

Where what I do matters 

And is displayed for all to see

Instead of everything 

Being shattered inside of me 

 

Dedicated to all that want to make a difference in this life by changing others. 

 

By 

 

Tessa 

 

I love to write poetry from the heart for that’s where true words flow. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Jennifer T
13 hours ago, Tessa said:

Fallen Rose 

 

I gave my lover a Rose

But they threw it on the ground

Now nobody knows

Whose Rose they’ve found 

 

I picked it special from my garden 

But they took it as an insult

Now I watch it harden

Is it all my fault 

 

I gave them my very best Rose

One I watered everyday 

What do you suppose 

Could have made them throw it away

 

Now that rose lays on the ground

Crushed and bruised under people’s feet

Can that Rose ever again be found 

Will that Rose ever be complete 

 

By, 

 

Tessa

 

 

 

Tessa, the rose, of course being metaphor for the heart or ‘self’, is a precious gift to give anyone. And all to often it is our plight to have such a gift rejected:

 

"Loss"
 
when they
choose to walk away
the questions remain
 
for loss is dismay
in the face of dubiety
and pain
 
-Jennifer T, February 2013 

 

 

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Susan R

Wonderful poems @Tessa.  You're a very talented woman.  Please continue to share as you're led.  I really enjoy reading your work.

 

Susan R🌷

 

 

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Tessa
58 minutes ago, Susan R said:

Wonderful poems @Tessa.  You're a very talented woman.  Please continue to share as you're led.  I really enjoy reading your work.

 

Susan R🌷

 

 

 

I don’t get very many compliments so thank you so much! I’m glad you enjoy them.  I wear my heart out on my sleeve. Maybe that’s why I seem to get hurt so much. I let people in and then they reject me. I’m a strong person and I can hold a lot of pain. When someone says I did a good job it’s hard for me to accept. When I write it’s not because I want to be better than anyone it’s I want people to see the true me and maybe in that they can see themself and maybe something I wrote will change their life. I’m not here for me I’m here for people. I always have put myself in the back because when you can hurt with someone you can really get to see who they truly are. My Dad died of cancer when he was 63. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt with him. I prayed he’d live every day. The last time I saw him hospice people said he screamed for me all night long. By the time I got there he was gone. His mind was gone by the drugs and he died later. He called me his problem child but I forgive him. I wish he would have shared his pain with me. Maybe it would have been to much for me. I had my family and babies at that time. So compliments are a rare thing so I value them very much! 

 

Thank you 

 

Tessa 

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Susan R

 

Just now, Tessa said:

My Dad died of cancer when he was 63. He wouldn’t let anyone hurt with him. I prayed he’d live every day. The last time I saw him hospice people said he screamed for me all night long. By the time I got there he was gone.

Tessa, You sound like a very loving caring person.  This is probably why your Dad needed you so much near the end.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Losing a parent is so very difficult.  I'm glad your turning your past pain & sorrow into something so creative and expressive of yourself.  Keep writing..it's a wonderful gift.

 

Susan R🌷

 

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Tessa

Compliment 

 

Had anyone complimented you today

Told you that you did a good job

Or did they just turn you away 

Your good deeds were just their to robb

 

A compliment can go a long way 

Especially when someone is hurt

Have you complimented anyone today

You could even say they have a nice shirt

 

We go about our day

Doing our regular things 

When we have so much we could say 

what even a smile brings 

 

Love has no color or race 

Love is a choice you have to make

It shows up in the most unlikely place 

It reminds us no one is a mistake

 

By 

 

Tessa 

 

 

 

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Tessa

Flakes 

 

The air is cold 

The wind starts to blow

The forecast was told 

Its about to snow 

 

The clouds are white 

Different  sized snowflakes begin to fall

The snow acts as a light 

You can hear winter’s call

 

But what is she saying to us all

Thats the question that’s falling 

Kids will make a snowball

Can you Hear winter calling 

 

Each flake has its own personality

Different then the rest 

It knows what it wants to be 

As it falls to the ground to rest 

 

 By, 

 

Tessa

 

 

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DeeDee

💛

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Tessa

Friends 

 

What is a friend

One who sticks closer than a brother 

Who will stay until the end 

And love like no other

 

A true friend will cry with you 

Rejoice with you and make you smile

Hold your hand and help you through 

They will walk the extra mile 

 

They will speak from the heart 

Even when it pains them so 

Their wisdom they will in part 

They will tell you where to go 

 

They will never judge 

Always lift you when your low 

They will give a gentle nudge 

How many true friends do you know 

 

By,

 

Tessa 👩‍🦳

 

We all need friends in life. Some of us are lucky to have married thier best friend. Others are lucky to have a good friend.  A friend loves at all times. If you don’t have a friend you do now. I’ll be your friend👩‍🦳

 

Loving All

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

 

 

 

 

 

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Tessa

Needed

 

When I was married 

I had a beautiful wife 

The pain I carried 

We constantly lived in strive

 

I tried to repair 

But nothing worked out

Now I’m alone in despair 

Learning what loneliness is all about

 

I want to love someone 

That will love me back 

I want to be needed by someone 

What is it that I lack 

 

Will anyone want me 

Or was she the only one 

I guess I’ll wait and see 

I just want to love someone

 

By, 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

 

Feelimg down today. But I’ll be ok. Miss Downer LOL 

 

 

 

 

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Tessa

The Color Of Love ❤️

 

Love has no color 

It belongs to no race 

Giving is her brother 

Love is full of grace 

 

Love covers over all wrongs 

It never demands to be right 

It knows where it belongs 

It puts up a good fight 

 

It never runs from danger 

Instead it’s always near

Love is no stranger 

It’s not afraid to shed a tear 

 

Love never fails 

We all have it inside 

Love always prevails 

It’s always at your side 

 

By Tessa👩‍🦳

 

Beautifully Inspired!!!

 

 

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Tessa

Say To Yourself 

 

I Am Beautiful 

I am determined

I am wonderful

I am unlimited 

 

I can make a difference today

I matter to someone 

I’m not what society has to say 

I’m not finished no not done 

 

You can’t keep me quiet 

You can’t shut me down 

I won’t let you keep me silent 

You won’t make me frown 

 

I am beautiful 

I am determined 

I am wonderful 

I am unlimited 

 

Remember we are what makes life beautiful. Without us the world would have no one to take care of it. We are all caretakers of each other’s hearts. We are all fragile and needing of love. We all want to be touched and wanted by someone. Just remember you are beautiful!!! 

 

Anyone who reads this gets this rose from me 🌹

 

Just a little love can go a long way. Love someone today! 

 

Love, 

 

Tessa 👩‍🦳

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Tessa

Memories 

 

Oh the memmorie of days gone by

If we could just remember the good ones

Not the ones that make you cry

unfortunately are mind has tons 

 

Try to change a bad memory 

Can it be done 

Trying to change a part of you 

You’ll only turn and run 

 

You must face the past 

Even if it haunts you so 

The night won’t last 

Your good memory will show 

 

Give it time and you will see 

That the past can be made new 

You can be set free 

From the memories that are haunting you

 

By, 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

 

The past can hurt but as you face it you’ll see it can be replaced and you can be beautiful again. 

 

“You have a right to a beautiful life”

 

Selena Gomez

 

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Tessa

Dreams

 

Every night I wake up in the dark 

But a dream has tried to liberate me

In my mind I just want to find a place to park 

A place where I can be truly free

 

When I wake up I am wide awake 

But only a few hours have passed by 

Sometimes I feel like a fake 

Other Times I just want to cry 

 

I have no friends that will call 

So I go it alone 

Telling myself these feeling will fall

Then I pick up my phone

 

Searching for something to put me back to sleep

Something to clear my head 

I want to take that leap 

But I stay the same instead

 

 By

 

Tessa 

 

I am searching to see if these feelings are past hurts coming out or if I’m having GD. I’m going to try to get some sleep now. 

 

Love, 

 

Tessa

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Charlize

  As a child i had similar dreams every night.  Over time i think i dreamed "male".  Perhaps because of the all male schools, work and social life that was pressed on me.  Today i'm pleased to feel free to dream in any gender that comes in the night.  I try to simply sleep and as Bob Dylan said  i don't try to shovel them into the ditch of what they (dreams) mean.  

  Our lives and dreams run next to each other but i've never found them to be a path to follow.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

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BrandiBri

Tessa, your poems are all so beautiful. I am wiping tear from my eyes as I write this as they have touched my soul. I look forward to reading more. You are truly a wise and talented woman!

 

Hugs,

Brandi

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SaraAW

Tessa, I’m honoured to have read your beautiful poems. To have put so much of yourself into your works and share it with us is a precious gift beyond words. 

 

Thank you so very much. 

 

*hugs*

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Tessa

Money Isn’t Love

 

I have kids I adore 

They have learned from mom love is money

I want to give them so much more 

But I always come up empty

 

Sometimes they see me as a bank 

But I give from my heart 

I guess I have my ex to thank 

As they get older we drift apart 

 

It’s sad when your replaced with a puppy

Or even a concert ticket 

These are the things that make them happy

I wish they could get over it 

 

I use to want to compare 

But she no longer owns me 

My heart is all I can share 

Someday the children will see 

 

Life isn’t about what you own 

It’s about love shared every day 

I hope that I have shown 

So they can someday love that way 

 

I am not a bank to fulfill a wish 

I am a person who loves all

Neither am I selfish 

I will always be there though when they call

 

by 

 

Tessa👩‍🦳

 

It’s hard having an ex that has a great job and can spend lots of money. I barely make child support. My kids grow bored at my little apartment and sometimes on my day ask to go home. I spend more money on them then I spend on myself. My ex will take them to concerts and she bought my son an Xbox. My kids are in their teens so I know it’s a hard time. I am a very giving person and this can be a problem because the person usually left out is me. 

 

My life, 

 

Tessa😞👩‍🦳

 

 

 

 

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DeeDee
Just now, Tessa said:

My kids grow bored at my little apartment and sometimes on my day ask to go home. I spend more money on them then I spend on myself.

😥💛🤗 - I really felt this one Tessa x

 

Please do not lose sight of the fact that they are your children too, however much they are influenced by the person they are living full time with there is a part of them that came from you and they will grow into their own people, less of but more than both of their parents.

 

Your poem shows that you know where true happiness can be found and that material things while fun and sought after are only temporary distractions at best.  The best thing you can give is your time. 

Use it to bake, to walk, to swim, to sit and watch movies and binge Netflix, to listen to music - to BE with your kids - even if it is watching them play video games, be interested in who they are and what they like to do because they want to know that they matter and because even though the concert might be more exciting than sitting in the house, being loved unconditionally is what will ultimately remain.

It is hard to hear your child say they want to go, or that they don't love you, or that this is boring when you invest so much, but trust me when I say that EVERY parent has heard these things.  As long as they know that you are always there for them and will always love them you are giving them a foundation to build on and a template to treat others, be proud of what you do. xxx 

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      Hello Gabby!  (is that a new name?)  As you have read the recent thread concerning porn, etc. you can see that it is a diversion and "red herring" related to gender issues.   Also don't be drawn in by the "I like women or I like men" thing.  Gender and Sexuality are two different things.  Flip flopping is normal.  Our feelings on any given issue will change regularly given enough time involved in it.      Ok you know self medicating is bad.  Even getting regular check ups is not enough as I don't imagine you know what to look for, and there can be complications from certain levels in your body that you don't understand.  Start to get clean!  See your doctor and tell them what is happening.  They won't bite.  Ask them to legally prescribe and monitor your lab work.     As to not seeing the woman in the mirror?  This takes time.  I was two years into this journey before I consistently saw her.  There is certainly a mental element to this.  Once I started thinking like a woman it was easier to see me.  You are still on the outside looking in.  Faceapp and the like are fun but can drive you crazy.    Jani 
    • Nivegnal
      So after reading a ton I find that I’m not not ok with where I am.  Like most I have no clue why I feel like I do and do I understand what I am. Neither physically mentally or sexually.   The community is so vast and has so many descriptors that it’s hard to pick just one you may fit in.  Just trying to understand them all is a chore.   I have read of those who want to be a women. I do too.  Badly. If given enough money and time I have little doubt I would be there.  I know what I want but not what I am.  Why I am the way I am.  Feel sexuality towards a variety of women.  Sometimes men.   I’ve read of those who question this being a fetish or a dysphoria    I too have questioned this.  I have had strong desires to be nothing but a women then after “release” I feel dirty ashamed.  I say this on cue from another forum member being brave enough to mention her attraction to certain porn.  I am too.  All sorts.   I find myself extremely attracted to women and more so to trans women pre surgery.  I don’t feel gay still being in a male body living mostly as a male but sometimes I am more then curious.   ive been labeled bisexual in the stupid little online tests.  Maybe I am.  I don’t know.   I flip flop from day to day.  One day I’m ok with being a male.  Living as a husband and a man with all my male straight friends.   The next Day I cry all day not being the women I know I am.  I hate to say the women inside but I don’t know how else to say it.  It’s me either way.   im lucky that I have not gone through depression or worse. Hurting myself.  I have always just dealt with it.  It is what it is attitude.  The deep desires still inside aching to get out but the fear keeping them in.The fear. It’s the worse.   I will admit for the first time ever,to anyone, to self medicating HRT over the years.  Stopping and starting over and over.  Admittedly due to lack of money.  Secretly seeking doctors appointments, as a guy, but “checking” on my health and blood work for any signs of danger.  I know.  I know.  It’s not safe or right.  I’ve read so much on the dangers that I’m afraid to cross the street or eat sugar.   But it’s my only release to be myself.  I feel better knowing I am doing something,anything, for “her”.  Maybe subconsciously I hope to be caught or questioned. Having no choice but to admit my inner self is there.  I both dread and look forward to being given no choice.  Though I’m so careful to not screw up.  I have small breasts, definitely an A but pushing a strong B in certain bras.  However easily hidden with compression tanks to look more like pecks then breast. Also luckily small genitalia so hiding my bit n pieces is very easy.   My biggest depressor if I was to name just one is I just don’t see the women in the mirror.   That is the one thing that hits me hard.  I can’t find myself when I stare into the mirror.  Cry?  Definitely.   However, just today I tried a fun little app that can convert a selfie to many things.  Older different hair etc.  Of coarse my goal was to see a gender conversion.  I was blown away.  I even tried it with several pics.  The amazing thing was I looked exactly like older versions of two of my natural daughters.  I’d post a pic of the app conversation but don’t know how yet.   but these pics gave me a glimpse of the women inside.  She is beautiful and I look forward to her being out one day.   ok. I’ve run on n on.  Sorry.   im so gabby.  
    • Jani
      What an intense process @Maid In Bedlam.  Don't get depressed about this @Blackpulse as it is a defined process and it is paid for by NHS.  We don't have this in the US.  We're on our own to find care and unless we have insurance (and they cover TG care) we pay for it too.     I imagine you could use some support about now so please join in the discussion here.  You'll find a group of caring people to converse with.    Cheers, Jani 
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