New Job

[Tessa]

Soon I will start my new job in collections. It’s a new opportunity for me. I hope to move up eventually.  I want to use my degree.  I would find it rewarding to work in the Human Resources department. Wish me luck as I move unto a new season in my life. 

 

Tessa

[Susan R]

Congrats Tessa on your new job.  Change is sometimes a good thing.  Make the best of it and you'll be moving up for sure.  I wish you the best and I hope you have a kind and considerate boss along with your co-workers.

 

Susan R?

[Tessa]

Yes, but I’m also a little scared. I’m the kinda girl that wants to impress people and sometimes I build high expectations for myself. I have to give myself patience and that sometimes is hard for me. If you have the time read my poems and let me know what you think of them. I don’t have a lot of friends on the outside but I feel I have friends here. This is the first time I stayed I was a girl here. But that’s how I feel inside. When I’m alone I like to put on a dress and watch a movie and pretend I’m with someone special. Does that sound crazy to you? I have a strong desire to want to be loved. I cry a lot and sometimes I don’t know why? It’s nog like my life is horrible. I have good family accept my brothers don’t call. My bi sexual male friend is nice but he never had any money and he lives with his mom. I use to pay all the time but last night I told him no. 

My money I spend on my children. My 14 year old girl is also trans. She wants to be a boy. I try to help by buying her boy clothes cause mom won’t.  I love her so much!  She had gone through so much. My 12 yr old boy is a great kid! He loves to play Minecraft and he is such a creator! I’m not much into games. My oldest girl 16 is bi sexual but she is so smart and beautiful! They are beautiful children and I wouldn’t trade them for the world! I would do anything for them. If I transitioned all the way I fear my ex would try to take them from me. I lost them for a year through a stupid court order. I fought to get them back and at least now I see them every other weekend. I miss them though. I did everything for those kids. Sorry I’m rambling here. Just feeling the loneliness. 

Now im crying. Feeling the emotion. 

 

Love

 

Tessa

[Jani]

Good Luck with the new job.  Don't get dismayed if its not what you expect.  You can always move along after a period of time.  

 

I'm sorry to hear your ex would hold the kids hostage if you come out publicly.  How is she with your 14 year old?  

 

Jani

[Josie Beth]

Congratulations on the new job! It’s definitely going to help give a boost. 

 

Just a thought, but maybe the reason why we are hard on ourselves is because the people who expect so much from us are unwilling to give us the same patience they expect from us when they need it. So be patient with yourself. It’s ok to be driven but recognize your limits too.

[Tessa]

Thank you. I’m still waiting on my background check. I know there’s nothing there but because of the divorce I had to file for bankruptcy back in 2014. I hope they don’t count that against me. I have another job in line but it pays less. I told them to hold the position Just in case this other falls through. 2018 ended terribly for me. First someone hit my car. Then I was fired from my job. I was fired for reasons that were not my fault. It really hurt how the company treated me. First I was pulled into a little room and told I was a fraud. It was the companies fault. They gave me the money. I was being reimbursed for good grades. I was always under the impression they were loans not grants. The policy said no grants would be reimbursed. The company put the money on my check. Then they found out it was a mistake. They asked for the money back. I told them I was sorry and took out a small loan and paid them back. This was before Christmas. They took the check cashed it and gave me suspension without pay. They told me after the holidays they would decide if I could return. I didn’t know if I should buy gifts for my kiddos or not. This was going to be the first time my oldest joined our visits in 5 years! I wanted it to be so special! I didn’t even have a Christmas Tree. So I bought a small one and got only a few gifts. My ex and I trade off holidays. This was my first Christmas in 5 years with my oldest daughter! We had an amazing time even though I couldn’t give them much. The company didn’t call me so I had to drive up there and still no one told me about my job. I went home and then the call came in. Fired and not rehirable. After 4 1/2 years of faithful service. It was over. It was hard to take. I thanked him and told him thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for that company. Then job searching came. Uncle paid my Jan and Feb rent but that’s all they can do. I’m down to my last 200 dollars. Taxes are coming up and this year is my year I get to claim 1 child. I will make it. My former supervisor gave me an amazing recommendation letter. I was hurt but I am strong and I now believe in my heart I can do this next job. I do everything with excellence. That’s the story. You can give and give and it can all be taken from you but they can’t take your heart! I will always have a heart for people and live out live serving others in some compacity. I know that now. A job doesn’t define who I am. My ex doesn’t define who I am. Society doesn’t define who I am. I Am Beautiful. Intelligent. Smart. And I will come back fighting and won’t give up on myself or others. I’m determined to make a difference in this life and others or die trying. I may struggle with gender but my heart is full and will bleed for people because everyone needs love. Thank you for listening. 

 

Never give up, 

 

Love, 

 

Tessa❤️?‍???‍♀️ Keep climbing! 

[Tessa]

I was scared there for a while but I’m all set to start Monday! I am so excited to get back to work! New job! New friends! New opportunity! 

 

?‍?❤️

 

Tessa 

[SaraAW]

That’s great Tessa. I can remember how excited I was anytime I was starting a new job, nervous excitement for sure.

 

Enjoy your weekend. 

 

*hugs*

[Tessa]

3rd day on job and feeling good about it. A little nervous when it comes to quizzes though. Hope everyone is doing well! 

 

Love, 

 

Tessa 

[Susan R]

Glad the job is going well, @Tessa  the hard part is over.  The first few days are always awkward at a new job.  You'll be battle-hardened in no time!

 

Susan R?

[Jani]

Yes hang in there.  You'll do fine Tessa.