Passing to Younger Kids

[killjoyaiden]

My nephews haven't been in my life for a few years. I'm about to be able to see them again. One, the oldest, knew me before I had transitioned. His mother doesn't know yet. I don't know what to do if I come out to her and she's supportive. I don't want to confuse him, but it seems like that's inevitable. I'm not okay with calling myself an 'aunt,' but my family isn't supportive, so if he calls me his uncle, they'll "correct" him and say I'm his aunt. It's all very confusing for little kids and it's hard for them to wrap their head around, so I just don't know what to do. Any advice?

[VickySGV]

43 minutes ago, killjoyaiden said:

It's all very confusing for little kids and it's hard for them to wrap their head around,

 

That is  NOT TRUE and is a myth that needs to be burned and buried.  Children accept things very easily, and are not in any way confused until adults go by the practice of "When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout" and scare the children to the point of fear of the parent's reaction when this type of thing happen.  Your sibling's reactions may have them in fear of the parent and maybe confused because the children see you as your honest self who is kind and loving and maybe playful to them.  A good example is that with "Drag Queen Story Hour" done in some libraries by members of the LGBTQ communities  who read books to children to encourage reading skills.  The people protesting this are NEVER the children, it is adults who fear the "Costumed" book readers.  Place this on the adults, not the children please.

 

When I came out to my grandchildren 7 years ago (When the eldest was 7)  they were interested in what would happen between me and them.  One question, and to me the core of it was "would I still like them?" to which I said "I will do more than LIKE you, I will keep on LOVING you!".  Other questions they had were if I would still wear glasses (even more so today YES) and  what activities I would like.  The only question where I disappointed my eldest grandson was about wanting to play golf with his dad and other grandfather.  My attention span is too short for playing any games of that nature I am afraid to say.  I let my grandchildren (now teenagers) call me by my first name or by Granda and they prefer the name.  To them and adult who goes by a first name is special to then. 

[Leo]

How often will you be seeing them?  I realize you are not ok with being called an aunt, however, you also indicate that your family is not supportive.  If they will be there with you, this probably is not the best time to come out. 

[killjoyaiden]

2 hours ago, Leo said:

How often will you be seeing them?  I realize you are not ok with being called an aunt, however, you also indicate that your family is not supportive.  If they will be there with you, this probably is not the best time to come out. 

It's TBD on how much I'll be seeing them. It's up to the mother. 

I'm out everywhere. I look kinda like a male, and I get called 'sir' in public a lot. So, she'd know something was up. She'd know something was different because it's a complete 180 from the last time she saw me. 

[Leo]

Can you speak to mom privately without the rest of the family around? Then you won't need to worry your unsupportive family interfering and putting in their two cents.   Plus it's usually better to share this type of news with mom first. Since they are her kids she may prefer to handle it her own way or prefer not to share it at all.  

[killjoyaiden]

Right. That's what I was going to do. I just don't know how to explain it to the kids if she's accepting and calls me male terms, but then I get called female terms by the rest of my family. I don't want them to get confused, or get told transphobic things by my family. 

[Carolyn Marie]

22 minutes ago, killjoyaiden said:

 I just don't know how to explain it to the kids if she's accepting and calls me male terms, but then I get called female terms by the rest of my family.

 

If it was me, I would explain why I look different now, how I'm letting the real me show herself to the world, and that some adults in your family aren't used to the changes and might call you by your old name sometimes.  That should explain enough to them without it getting too deep.

 

Carolyn Marie

[killjoyaiden]

Just now, Carolyn Marie said:

 

If it was me, I would explain why I look different now, how I'm letting the real me show herself to the world, and that some adults in your family aren't used to the changes and might call you by your old name sometimes.  That should explain enough to them without it getting too deep.

 

Carolyn Marie

Tank you, Carolyn.

[Maid In Bedlam]

On 1/24/2019 at 5:59 PM, VickySGV said:

.  My attention span is too short for playing any games of that nature I am afraid to say.  I let my grandchildren (now teenagers) call me by my first name or by Granda and they prefer the name.  To them and adult who goes by a first name is special to then. 

 

Granda is a great idea.

 

I have been having this dilemma. Im am just about to become a grandparent. However this did concern me a little. This particular son. Still calls me Dad. Which i have no problem with. I gave him the choice. I would have liked him to call me by my name but he perfered to continue with DAD. Which in reality i had no problem with. Im still his dad really. But he and his partner are going to have a baby very soon. I was actaully in limbo about what i would be called or at least ask them to make refernce to me as.  I think its now sorted.

 

Vicky you are a star