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DemiBeth

self hatred due to sexual abuse

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DemiBeth

i was sexually abused at a young age, and when i was 15 my boyfriend at the time took my virginity without consent. now i really struggle with sex and i hate myself for it, and really struggle with my  body image due to this. i dont really know if anyone can say anything to help with this but i just want to know im not alone and there are people out there that have gone through similar things 

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VickySGV

You are far from alone in these forums, and in time some of our other members will let you know.  I was abused boy on boy at 12 and was ridiculed when  I reported it.   Even though I fathered 3 children, I have come to realize that I am not interested in sex at all and the children are now in their 40's .  Their mother and I have been divorced for 35 of those years.

 

Therapists who do Gender Therapy work well with people in your place and can help you greatly.  You do not have to be transitioning to benefit from counseling.  It is fine to be Asexual or Demi Sexual and there is no shame to being that way.  If your BF took your virginity against your will, there may still be legal actions or at least you can get special counseling for the rape that he actually did.  This is a safe place to talk about it.

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DemiBeth
4 hours ago, VickySGV said:

You are far from alone in these forums, and in time some of our other members will let you know.  I was abused boy on boy at 12 and was ridiculed when  I reported it.   Even though I fathered 3 children, I have come to realize that I am not interested in sex at all and the children are now in their 40's .  Their mother and I have been divorced for 35 of those years.

 

Therapists who do Gender Therapy work well with people in your place and can help you greatly.  You do not have to be transitioning to benefit from counseling.  It is fine to be Asexual or Demi Sexual and there is no shame to being that way.  If your BF took your virginity against your will, there may still be legal actions or at least you can get special counseling for the rape that he actually did.  This is a safe place to talk about it.

Thank you so much, I was interviewed by the police about it but decided not to pursue charges against him. It means so much to me that you've taken the time to reply to me and try to help, so I am so grateful 

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VickySGV

Others will be along too!! 

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Leo

Sometimes it helps to hear that what happened to you was not your fault and that you did not do anything wrong.   Hating yourself does not punish the perpetrator, just you, the innocent victim.  Are you in a relationship now that is causing you further distress or are you concerned about the possibility of problems in the future?  Either way, its ok not to want to have sex right now, and it is normal to hate yourself after being violated in that way.  It's also ok not to enjoy sex because sex is very different, at least in my opinion from being in love with someone and sharing an act of love with that other person.  A person that loves you will wait until you are ready, they will also help you heal by doing things that you feel comfortable doing without demanding anything from you in return.  Taking time to heal your mind and body and talk things over with a counselor that specializes in sexual abuse would also help.  

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Charlize

Thank you for sharing your experience.  Perhaps being able to reach out and share is a major step towards acceptance and movement forward.  I have been lucky and was never sexually abused in my memory but i do remember a time when i was about 11 years old, dressed in female clothing and was approached by my older brother demanding sexual favors.  I managed to side step the situation but it will always be something that returned from time to time. It may be a reason for a lifetime  of mixed feelings about sexual desire. I will never understand that for certain.  I do know that thoughts of that experience fade if i think of other things.  The event will never disappear but i can get on and enjoy this life as myself.  Sharing here and with a gender therapist has helped.  Glad you're here.  You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Innocentwiskers

You are definitely not alone.it has taken me years to be comfortable being sexual with another person. I was abused by my farther in my early teens. I still have all those self hatred and body immage problems but it helps that i am in a committed relationship wuth a person who was willing to support me and love me for who i am and dosent pressure me. Ge knows my limitations and accepts with no question when i say no. And dosent make me feel gilty for it. Take your time to accept yourself ans what has happend. Its hard. But you are a person who desrves love and acceptance. Dont push yourself. 

Hope i helped 

>^..^<

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