med doses after stopping

[Nikki22]

Background story: 

I had an odd situation.  I worked as an outside sales rep in Vancouver, then Mom got sick, and older.  Didn't want care home, so I looked after her.  As she got worse, Everyone scattered, and I worked 24/7 to make a life for mom.  I sort of gave up mine, as there was so much to do...including hormones.  I'd been living/working for 12 years or so as female, then gave up, dressed in bulky clothes, and went about life.  I mostly got Miss, and this was after I'd sort of given up on female activity/dress.  Mom died  Nov., 2017.

 

After we sold house and stuff, I had no where to go, no idea what/who I was, and developed some major problems.  After turning over house, I decided to drive across Canada to East Coast, clear head, and search for life.  All across Canada, I dressed the same, and got Miss, love, dear...etc., when stopping for gas.  Guess it was voice/looks/attitude...whatever.  Ended up in port city in N.B., and things came to a head.  I was in rooming house with no idea where to go, and everyone asked me what I was...F to M, was the guess.  I had short hair, so this confused me more.  A girl did my make up, and the confusion left, for the guys...they said I was a good looking woman.  So, I went back to female..clothes, make up, jewelry, dyed hair and have let it grow.  Did 4 months on hormones, haven't seen any changes.  There's not much left to change, but wanted my B cup back.  Starved myself to reduce breasts...down to 90 lbs...I'm now 115 lbs, A cup.

 

I remember Spirono is anti-androgen, kills male, so I thought it would help Premarin <dosage removed> and<dosage removed> Provera work.  I know this all takes time, but I lost myself for 9 years, and realized what I knew at 8...I'm female.  There are few TS/TG here, so it's M or F, and I'm seen 100% as F.  I told 3 people, and shocked them, so keep quiet.  Still need SRS, so I'm back transitioning...again, but it was pretty well done.  All I've done is slap on make up/change wardrobe...I just want some help from hormones.  Anyone with opinion on how much Spiro I should go back to?  <dosage removed> , so I'm thinking <dosage removed> ...there are no doctors or anyone that knows.  Vancouver's Gender Dysphoria Clinic looked after me for 8 years, approved me for SRS 3 times, but I balked...now I know who and what I am, and really want to get life back. 

 

I learned at clinic, and other places as I have lots of education, and did psych courses during B.A.  I'm thinking because my testes shrunk, I don't need massive Spiro doses, and electrolysis mostly removed all hair, and I naturally looked female before this even started.  I was messed up as no one knew what to say to me, as I was sequestered, mosty alone, and until I traveled across Canada, I didn't know how others saw me.  Well, no shock, but all saw me as female, and that realization has put my head on straight...finally.  Don't need medical exam, just opinion.  I've seen so many doctors over this, I know what to do, take and all that.

 

..I worked as a counselor in Vancouver, and have done a bit here, but I'm probably going into teaching as they don't have qualified people.  I'm a artist/writer, with 6 books, so creative writing is one thing, and English/history...etc.  Whatever.  I'm also self critical...shy and unsure of myself, so I hope I can still transition more, as I see things I don't like, and wonder why no one else seems to see them.  I'm accepted, but analyze it too much...so, any advice?  I'm waiting to see endocryne doctor to check levels, but want as much female in me as I can get, as I think I missed out for 9 years, stopped the transition, but it seems the transition was so far along, all I had to do was wear a dress.  I often skip make up, just to see reactions, which are still same.  So, I just try to look my best, and get compliments on outfits, as Vancouver fashion stands out here...also drummer, so small town has seen me play and is getting used to me.  Still have that problem with guys, as I have to say no to sex, but get too much attention.  I don't know anyone, but I seem to meet guys a lot, so I only have a few female friends, and lots of guy friends.  Also, I don't tell anyone, so all just see me as female artist...and we can be as weird as we want.  I can also do the lesbian thing. 

 

Weird, but at least I'm alive, and I ran from death...was in 3 comas in Dec., 2017.  Addiction problem, and Vancouver is too liberal in that if you want to get clean.  Sorry, this is first time I've told this tale...except in partly finished new book, TRANS Canada.  Based on my road trip and the hwy I took, also the double entendre.  Many like what I have, as I'm telling truth about transitioning, and some is funny (oh Miss, that's the men's room..like you're violating holy ground), misconceptions, and violence (got stabbed 7 times after given date rape drug...he didn't like what he found).  Sorry...any opinions would help.  I'm a bit awkward about this, sorry, I tried to ignore/forget/dream things were different.  This is me after I went full bore female.  Still growing hair, and wish hormones would work some magic...or are they done?  I thought after stopping for 9 years I'd need their help again...or hope they can help more.  Thanks, Danae

Edited January 24, 2019 by Carolyn Marie
Rule 13 You may not share the dose of any medication you are taking, including hormones. What works for you may well be fatal for someone else.

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums Nikki but I need to let you know that our rules do not permit the exchange of dosage information anywhere in our system, nor can we give you any advice about what HRT is best for you.  All other topics are fine and good, but medical information can and should come ONLY from licensed medical providers because no matter what we know about medicines we do not have the means of self monitoring for things going on internally.  Please do carefully read our rules which are in place for your safety and the safety of our other members.  http://www.transgenderpulse.com/community-rules/

[Nikki22]

Sorry...I forgot I asked  a similar question, and I will read the rules...I just feel very alone here, and didn't know where else to ask such a question...again, sorry.

[VickySGV]

We can help the loneliness by talking about other parts of your journey which we are happy to do.  A licensed M.D. is the best source for the information.  You do need a doctor to help you or it can be tragic. 

[Carolyn Marie]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, Nikki.  I'm sorry that you have had such a struggle, but hopefully thing will get better for you.  We'll do all we can to help and support you on your journey.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie