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Frustrated With Some Other Trans Christians --VENT

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Over on another site for Trans Christians, I had one today that got to me in a way I did not think possible.  One of the other members on the site was having trouble with Dysphoria and issues with their church, and lastly with an insurance company that would not pay for their chest surgery.  The person flat out said that the issue was making them SUICIDAL.  The first two posts to him were statements to read his Bible, and a number of other stock suggestions about praying or all of that.  I read the post, and my immediate thought and response was to give the person the phone numbers for Trans Life Line and the link to our Chat site.  One person came back and told me that the person did not need that help with several "Christian Reasons" -- this was allegedly a Trans Christian  talking to me.  From there on no one even seemed to have read the OP mention of the suicide.  There were speculations about what God must be trying to tell him and a few "I will pray for you's"  but seeming fear to talk to the person on the topic of wanting to commit suicide or even the idea this was a real set of thoughts for the poster.  A bit later I did get a response from the person that they were calling the number I gave him, just that much.  I hope his call worked soon enough.  It is not anything to be ashamed of for any of us to ask for human help or for others to give it to us.  What a world.

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Carolyn Marie

I am not a Christian, OK.  So far be it from me to say what Christians should or shouldn't say to a fellow believer.  But it sure seems to me that there are times to send "thoughts and prayers" somebody's way out of rote habit, and times for us, any of us, to just listen.  I'm not talking about pretend listening, but really, actively listening, and taking notice, and saying something meaningful and helpful to someone who needs such things.  Those are times when "thoughts and prayers" are.no more helpful than crock of warm doo doo. 


I hope he did take your advice, Vicky.  I also hope that at least a few of those supposed Christians took a page from your lesson plan and remember to apply it the next time a fellow Christian needs real help.  Or a non-Christian.  Or anyone in need of a helping hand.  Thanks for your posts, and your kindness to the stranger on the recieving end of your convo.




Carolyn Marie

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Vicky I'm so glad you were there. I am a firm believer that prayer is powerful, and would never ask someone not to pray for me, but it is not an excuse to sit idly by and do nothing and as Carolyn says in order to know what to pray for meaningfully you have to have actually listened first. People panic when things like suicide and self harming are mentioned and they retreat away from it in case they push further in that direction when the truth is it is better to acknowledge the elephant in the room. At least he responded to you, to say he would call the number - that is all you could really ask for. You were in the right place at the right time, being the right kind of person - caring. x

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Josie Beth

Running from it was not really the issue. The issue was giving a pat answer to someone in need when the responder was ill qualified to give advice and instead of really listening was eager to ram this pat answer down someone’s throat.


One thing I’ve learned from being in a conservative home as a kid and later studying at a Christian college is that in spite of the organized church partaking in subjective interpretation of scripture that they don’t really understand, they then ridicule the same subjectivity they are guilty of all the time. It’s probably why more people are moving away from the large buildings and “I’ll pray for you” (magic wand) mentality because their problems are real and many people would rather throw slogans and verses at them than really do the harder work of going through the problems with that person. And many of these churches also take their money but won’t give back to their own members. It’s almost what I call hit and run spirituality. They smash their beliefs into another person and then run off as they pat themselves on the back. This happens all the time with people out “witnessing” or “ministering to the homeless” where it’s clear their world view is that Jesus is a bandaid that fixes everything instantly. What that usually shows me is that they have little to no real life experience or have never met a crisis point in their lives. Or something that they define as a crisis that Jesus fixed pales in comparison to something more devastating. 


The problem is not shying away from it, but being too eager to mimic what I call a sales pitch taught to them by clergy and laypeople. It’s also a problem that many church members are taught that giving to someone at a distance or separated from them somehow is more holy than helping people close to them. It’s like they don’t really want to get their hands dirty. So yes there’s that element in there as well.


Even as a child I was very critical of this issue and I could not wait to get away from it. Granted it’s not everyone who does that but it’s definitely a psychological problem and before anyone who believes can truly be a help to others they have to look at themselves and do the hard work of questioning their motives, and resisting the urge to fling cookie cutter responses at others. 


One of the things I did myself to move away from this epidemic was to question everything including my beliefs and then realize that I knew nothing really. Now I usually keep my opinions to myself unless they are questions I’m struggling with myself and even then I’m usually not qualified to give advice on serious issues. Sometimes people just want to be heard, and I’ve been there myself. Sometimes people want to know that they are not alone. 


It’s good that they reached out to the hotline. I hope that they were able to get the help they needed. I just hope they are able to differentiate between the people who jumped on the bandwagon of bandaid Christianity and those who really get it.


 I personally don’t believe but I understand that it can help others to navigate life. I just choose not to based on my own studies and information I’ve learned over the years. 

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I became a Christian in a critical time in my life-high school. Even being a practicing normal adolescent teen, wearing nightgowns, masturbating, and fantasizing about being a girl. Even then I saw nothing wrong with it. In spite of many trying to tell me it is wrong while telling me God does not make mistakes and does not make junk.  So it took me a while to see that there are many that need Jesus, even in the church.

I had many personal experiences of the power of prayer. It works. It is my first thing to do when there is a person in trouble. That is what I do. However, today we have many resources of those that have the gift to help those that are hurting and on the verge of throwing it away. I would be totally remiss if I did not offer these resources to someone needing them. Even the Apostle Paul had the physician, Luke, to help him.  God provides all these things, as well as prayer. So I say pray for that person and let them know you love them and God loves them. If they are Christian, encourage them to read and seek the answers there through prayer.  But also let them know there are others that want to help them and give them contact numbers to reach. God provided the resource. Why not use it?

Also, look at Jesus' example. He listened and took the time for the very insignificant. Why shouldn't we? We are to walk in His ways and follow His example. So take the time when witnessing to really listen. Help those that are homeless and hungry by feeding them and spending time with them. Help them find a home or give them something to make their life better.  It will do no good to tell them the Good News if they have no good in their life. Unfortunately you have to satisfy the physical before you can minister to the spiritual. Even Jesus and Jehovah did that. Again, follow their example if you are a Christian. It is what we are suppose to do. Jesus fed people that came to him. God fed those that followed him.

Unfortunately there are those that misinterpret the Word and develop dogma and rules never intended. Plus you have the same filthy lucre that existed in Jesus' day:  the love of money, power and prestige.  So we have to be wise as serpents and gentle as doves.  We need to expose the gainsayers with the truth. Don't follow in their footsteps.


With love, LouiseRose

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