Rant

[Kole Rickard]

So, my mother doesn't exactly think this is who I really am. She thinks I am being influenced by my friends. My actions say otherwise.

*She refuses to call me by the name I go by and refuses to say the pronouns I go by.

*She claims it is a state of mind of a teenager. That it's a phase.

*She just ignores it all together.

(I know this is how many parents cope. I am aware that they feel like they're at a loss of a child. But are they really? I'm still me. I am still the person who they raised. Yet, they raised a little girl. The only problem is, i'm not a girl. I don't feel like one. I don't want to be one. I hate the feeling of being one.)

Though she knows that I have felt this way for a while. At first I thought it was normal. The thoughts about being the opposite gender and the actions that I did to try to make that happen. But now that it has taken further steps, I know that isn't normal. I have done many things to show that this isn't a phase and this is who I what to be. She just has a hard time accepting me. 

She has told me a couple days ago, she felt the same way I felt. She commented "I never wanted boobs, curves, the body I have. I felt just like you. I had a hard time during puberty." Until I replied back with "But did you want a dick? Did you cry when you see yourself in the mirror. Do you have shower in the dark because your dysphoria was so bad. Did you want to actually want to cut your breasts off?" And that's when everything stopped. "No." She replied back to me. She just looked in a lost state like, she couldn't believe her daughter felt that way. In all I'm just  terrified on what she will do now. We haven't exactly talked about any of this since. 

[DeeDee]

3 hours ago, Kole Rickard said:

my mother doesn't exactly think this is who I really am.

Kole, you do not have to be what others want or expect you to be. 

One thing I have been told is that I need to do this for myself and no one else because it s my life, if you already know who you are then stay true to that, perhaps with time and patience your mother will be able to accept you for you.

[Susan R]

5 hours ago, Kole Rickard said:

She just looked in a lost state like, she couldn't believe her daughter felt that way. In all I'm just  terrified on what she will do now. We haven't exactly talked about any of this since.

HI Kole, have you discussed you and your mother going in for a few counseling sessions with a therapist that deals with gender issues?  I don't think your mother has really thought this through or researched it enough.  Maybe a therapist can put everything in better perspective for her.  The "it's just a phase you're going through" doesn't cut it these days.  When it goes on for years, there's likely much much more going on.

 

Susan R?

[SugarMagnolia]

4 hours ago, Kole Rickard said:

I know this is how many parents cope. I am aware that they feel like they're at a loss of a child. But are they really? I'm still me. I am still the person who they raised.

Of course she hasn't lost you, but many parents still experience  something akin to grief. This isn't unusual for anyone going through a lot of change, particularly when it seems sudden to them. You've probably been thinking about this for a long time, but it can take family longer to move through the various stages. It sounds like your mom is engaging in denial and bargaining and she's probably worried about your safety and well being, even if it doesn't seem like it.

Both you and your mom need support in your respective journeys. As Susan suggests, therapy would be great, but there are other alternatives such as PFLAG where she might find support and affirming guidance through talking to other parents that have been in her shoes. Would she be open to getting support?

-Julie

[Kole Rickard]

Thank you @Susan, @DeeDee, and @SugarMagnolia. We actually go to therapy and we talk all sorts of this stuff. Even after every session shes stubborn about it. She doesn't seem to want to talk about it or hear the things I need or want to say to her about the topic or anything around the topic. She is apart of the LGBTQ+ community herself. I think out of all my family my step mother gives the best support. Though I can understand that. She had been dating a girl for about 10 years and then moved on to my father. She has many friends of the community as well. I think its the sense of having communication to the situation.

[SugarMagnolia]

It takes takes time for some people and that can be very frustrating for us. It always amazes me how much we have to help others around us process their emotions at the same time as we're having to deal with our own journey. Do what you can for her, but take care of yourself! ❤️