Behaviors that Blend

[Janeshannon]

I was in the MtF chat the other day, we were talking about being accepted by members of your target gender.  We talked about how decreasing behaviors associated with your birth gender and increasing behaviors associated with your target gender can really help with passing and acceptance.  Meaning if you behave in a feminine way you are more likely to be accepted by cis-women, and if you behave in a more masculine way you are more likely to be accepted by cis-men. 

 

This makes sense to me, but leads to a bigger question... what are those behaviors?

 

So I was thinking we could come up with some behaviors should we all work on to better blend with cis-gendered people.   

 

The first one that I came up with is that women are typical quieter than men in social settings.  What this means for us trans-women is that we should speak quieter and you trans-men should feel free to raise the volume.

[Susan R]

I was just reading an interesting article a few days ago on an old webpage using the wayback machine (archive.org).  There was a lot of interesting things talked about on the page but I'll post the content I felt most relevant to this topic.

 

Source: 2005 Archive from www.dazzled.com

 

Body Language 
Men take up more physical space when sitting or standing, with arms and legs stretched out away from their body 
Women take up less physical space, sitting with arms and legs toward their body 

Men gesture away from their body 
Women gesture toward the body 

Men assume more reclined positions when sitting and lean backward when listening 
Women assume more forward positions when sitting and lean forward when listening 

Men are not as sensitive to the communication cues of others 
Women have greater sensitivity and acuity toward other people•s nonverbal communication cues 

Men tend to approach women more closely in terms of their personal space 
Women do not approach men as closely in terms of their personal space 

 

Facial Expression 
Men tend to bend their head to the side and look at the other person from an angle when listening 
Women tend to look at the other person directly facing them with their head and eyes facing forward when listening 

Men provide fewer facial expressions in feedback and fewer reactions 
Women provide more facial expressions and more reactions 

Men stare more in negative interaction 
Women lower their eyes more to avert gaze in negative interaction 

Men tend to display frowning and squinting when listening 
Women display smiling and head-nodding when listening

 

Susan R?

Edited February 6, 2019 by Cyndee
fixed word filter error - C

[tracy_j]

I think that is true to a large extent, although some men (to take mtf for example) are very quiet anyway. I think it is more a case of women being naturally more submissive, although there are lots of exceptions. A lot is down to confidence.

 

Last week at my art group meeting I found it interesting that a new male member who had not visited before was very outgoing with his conquests (no - not sex but countries he had visited) as if he had been there, done that and was wanting to at least equal everyone. A typically male approach. I would expect a woman to be less overt and maybe even almost apologetic if she felt she was going too far.

 

On thinking, one I would like to add is the one of coutesy when men hold a door open for us to go first. I think it better to smile, and wait for the man to indicate (body language mainly) that we should proceed. Most things are body language. It is friendly smiles, submissive gestures. Not without a confidence which means no nonsense though! Some women are agessive and assume. They are still women, but they often don't come across as very feminine to me, and are not nice.

 

Tracy

[Susan R]

I thought I copied and pasted this too but I didn't so I'll add it below.  Same source as mentioned above.

 

Non-Verbal Communication
Communication also means body language, which means gestures, mimicry, posture, eye contact, smiling, touch and so on. It is also called implicit communication as compared with explicit communication with words. 

Women are generally more sensitive to non-verbal signals than men are. This may have to do with the fact that women have less power and status in society and are therefore in greater need of interpreting implicit messages. It may also be due to the requirements of motherhood. 

Smiling - Women have been found to smile more than men, explanations tend to emphasise either the greater politeness of women or the relatively weaker position most women have. 

Touch - The higher the socio-economic status, the more liberty one can take in touching others. It also reflects age, with the older person generally having the greater freedom to touch. Women are generally touched more and do less touching. If a woman touches a man, her touch is very likely to be interpreted as a sexual gambit. 

Proximity and body posture - Women are approached more closely than men and are expected to move out of the way of men in passing on the streets. Men hold their arms and legs at a wider angle than women do. 

Eye contact - People look at higher status speakers more than lower status ones, women maintain more eye contact than men do. 

 

[Cyndee]

3 hours ago, tracy_j said:

 Some women are aggressive and assume. They are still women, but they often don't come across as very feminine to me, and are not nice.

 

 

 

Good topic Jane,

 

I agree with Tracy above, and would add that when in the business world as a working woman, you must make adjustments. You walk this fine line between being assertive and being able to get things done, and not being too passive, all the while you are expected to be nice and pleasant, it's harder for women in the work place, they are sometimes held to ridiculous standards. Turning up the charm in the work place works for me, and I got used to the "mansplaining"...Out in the world, I smile a lot at strangers, I usually only speak to a man if he speaks first. The MTF goes through many reality checks in transition, it's an adjustment for sure....

 

Have a wonderful day

 

C -

[Jordy]

One thing I have learned is that women tend to walk as if walking a line lending to the hips swaying where as men seem to avoid stepping on the line and walk more straight with less hip movement.

[tracy_j]

5 hours ago, Jordy said:

One thing I have learned is that women tend to walk as if walking a line lending to the hips swaying where as men seem to avoid stepping on the line and walk more straight with less hip movement.

 

An interesting one this. From what I understand a woman's walk is greatly affected by their hips which give them a tendency to move more than mens. Walking along a line does exaggerate the movement. It can be taken too far though and attract attention. Women with small hips or similar shaped men can use this fact, but, as you cannot easily see youself walking, it is here a friend or camera would come in useful. I find from my partner's comments that it is all too easy to appear as a model on a catwalk rather than natural (although I would love to be a model ?).

 

I do 'walk the line' to some extent. I also take smaller steps and walk slower than previously as male. A more relaxed pose seems to be far more feminine.

 

Tracy

[Jordy]

15 hours ago, tracy_j said:

 

 

 

I do 'walk the line' to some extent. I also take smaller steps and walk slower than previously as male. A more relaxed pose seems to be far more feminine.

 

Tracy

Yes, also being more relaxed also lends to appearing more feminine in your walk and stance.  I've had to learn to stand with more of an upright stance and have my shoulders thrown back giving a look of confidence.  Women tend to hold themselves more into themselves appearing "smaller".

[Beverly]

I'm lucky. I blend in, have lots of girl friends and have a traditionally female career as a nurse. It helped that I always knew I was female and socialized and internalized as such. My mannerisms, walk, voice and interests are naturally feminine but not over the top. I enjoy girls' night out with my friends and love my life as a single woman. For anyone trying to shed masculine non-verbal communication traits and adopt feminine ones, to blend in as your true gender, my advise is to simply observe other women you find elegant and begin to mimic their most desirable traits. Be careful not to exaggerate. This will make you stand out like a sore thumb. The more you practice, the more second nature it will become, and the more others will see you as the woman you are with non-verbal cues identified as feminine by our culture. As far as verbal cues go, oh boy. That's a big one. Voice is just as important as appearance if not more so. If you need to work on your voice, seek a MtF voice teacher. It will be the best investment you make for blending in.