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killjoyaiden

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killjoyaiden

Woke up late this morning. I didn't get much sleep at all; about 2 hours. I was up all night, my mind too active to fall asleep. I have so many things going on, my mind races at the speed of a hurricane. I can't focus anymore. My grades are slowly depleting. I'm being buried alive, it feels like. I lay in my bed, and I feel like I'm laying in water, with weights around my waist. I put on a happy face to everyone, I don't want anyone to worry about me. I don't want the attention or sympathy. But, that makes things harder on many different levels. My parents think that when I finally tell them what's going on, I'm exaggerating or making it up. Bottling things up makes things... heavier. But, I have nobody to talk to about this. I feel like when I do talk about it, I'm just being dramatic or attention-seeking or my "Borderline tendencies" are showing. The Borderline thing has made things very difficult because now I feel like I can't talk about how I feel to anyone. I'm stuck. 

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Charlize

Aiden,

   I remember times when sleep didn’t come.  Like you my mind rushed.  Hopefully you can believe me when I say it gets better.  Do you have a counselor you can trust at school?  Is it possible you can go to a therapist?  Im glad to see you are reaching out here.  Hopefully you can find help in your life.  My gender therapist was instrumental in helping me to deal with not only my gender issues but those I had with my family.

Please keep reaching out!   When I get stuck in my own head and isolate I’m never as peaceful as when I relate to others.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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killjoyaiden
Just now, Charlize said:

Aiden,

   I remember times when sleep didn’t come.  Like you my mind rushed.  Hopefully you can believe me when I say it gets better.  Do you have a counselor you can trust at school?  Is it possible you can go to a therapist?  Im glad to see you are reaching out here.  Hopefully you can find help in your life.  My gender therapist was instrumental in helping me to deal with not only my gender issues but those I had with my family.

Please keep reaching out!   When I get stuck in my own head and isolate I’m never as peaceful as when I relate to others.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

I don't have anyone I can trust. We already have CPS involved, and I'm scared that if I go to the school counselor, that'll prolong things. I'm literally stuck. I have nowhere to go, nobody I feel like I can talk to, and nothing's changing for the better..

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VickySGV

One day at a time is the limit of looking forward.  Looking even until tomorrow evening is too much and will dismay you to the point that it seems hopeless.  11 years ago, you are describing my life as far as hopelessness goes, but 4041 days have passed since then and I was able in that time, 4041 times to move forward.  It was at day 271 that I saw my first chance to do something for my self and took it.  It was worth enough for me to consider the wait worthwhile.  Another 300 days into that and even better things began to happen.  Each one of those days though seemed endless as they happened but then came days I made progress.  My family longevity history gives me about 15 more years or 5483 more days (I will be 86 then) that I can reasonably think are in my future.  One of those days at a time and I will get there, but as who I really am.

 

Hold onto hope each day, and it will happen for you.

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Charlize

Thanks for the response.  I found that finding myself and transition was a long term process.  At times it upset me that things were going so slowly.  Fear, back pressure and shame help me back.

It took time for me to find my path as well as accepting that path.  Fortunately I found this site and found I wasn’t alone.  I was told to take a deep breath.  Then told to breath out.  I wasn’t alone and my dreams were not only shared but were accessible with time.

Please don’t loose heart.  We are here and there are others who will help you in your journey.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

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killjoyaiden
Just now, Charlize said:

Thanks for the response.  I found that finding myself and transition was a long term process.  At times it upset me that things were going so slowly.  Fear, back pressure and shame help me back.

It took time for me to find my path as well as accepting that path.  Fortunately I found this site and found I wasn’t alone.  I was told to take a deep breath.  Then told to breath out.  I wasn’t alone and my dreams were not only shared but were accessible with time.

Please don’t loose heart.  We are here and there are others who will help you in your journey.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

Thank you so much, Charlize. It means a lot. More than you know. 🙂

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Timber Wolf

Hi Aiden,

The best I can tell you is really what I've told you before. Just live life today. Tomorrow can wait for itself. I know it's hard to do at first. Our minds want to worry about our current inability to see the parting of the clouds in the future. But we can not jump to tomorrow, we can only work on today. Let tomorrow's work wait until tomorrow. That's what we have to focus our minds on.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber  Wolf 🐺🐾

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killjoyaiden

Thanks @Timber Wolf You're always there :) 

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