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My name isn’t Megan

Running on empty

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My name isn’t Megan

I wasn’t sure where else to post this. But I’ve found the people here to be very open and helpful in the past, so I figured I might as well post here. 

 

I’ve got a pretty damn good life, all told. But the two things giving me the most grief are my transgender feelings, and my depression. I’ve been taking medication for my depression for almost a year now. It was effective at first, but now I’m feeling as low as I was before I had started taking it. Another added issue is my mom seems convinced that my meds might be ‘making me feel trans’. This is the second time we’ve been over this, and I honestly don’t even care any more. I don’t know what I am or what I want to be, other than just not depressed. I go to see my therapist every week and I’m still struggling to fend off dark thoughts. I’ve made some really good progress over the last two years, but it’s still not enough. 

 

I’m tired of putting up with my depression. I’m exhausted trying to figure out who or what I want to be. I’m just going through the motions, hoping that things will get better with time. I just want something to change for the better. 

 

I’m really not sure what exactly I want out of this. Maybe I’m just looking to vent, or I’m hoping to get one golden ticket of an idea to help me out of this. Any advice or insight is appreciated. 

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Carolyn Marie

Hello, Not Megan.  There is nothing wrong with venting, whether its for a good reason or no reason at all.  Sometimes we all just need to get things off our chests.

 

My first though about what you said is to ask if you've talked over with your doctor the possibility of  changing meds.  I'm no expert, but I figure that you body might have adjusted to the one you're on and its no longer as effective as it was.  A change might be good.

 

My other suggestion to get out of the rut you seem to be in is to change your routine.  Find some new activities, incl. hobbies or places to go.  It's the wrong time of year to be doing much outdoorsy stuff, but there is plenty of things to keep you busy in doors.  Changing things up always seems to work for me.  Or just bury your mind in a good book.

 

Are you seeing a gender therapist?  If not, that might help focus on your dysphoria and how to deal with it. 

 

Lastly,  our Chat Room is a great place to converse in real time with folks who have faced similar issues, and meet our crisis mods who are great at helping figure things out with you.

 

I hope some of this helps, hon.  Good luck.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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My name isn’t Megan

Thanks for the response Carolyn. Tbh, I think I’m going to see my doctor about getting off my meds. They aren’t doing me a lot of favors, and I want to eliminate some possible negative influences on my mind. Plus, if I’m ‘still trans’ after getting off them, maybe it’ll help solidify my feelings as reality to my mom. 

My routine isn’t very mailable right now. I’m a full time student. I try to just make time for my existing hobbies. 

I just see a general individual therapist, and my family is seeing a family therapist. I’d like to see a gender specialist one day, but my schedule is booked already. 

 

Thanks again ❤️

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Beverly

So sorry to hear of your tough time. Like you, I dealt with chronic depression for many years and took a lot of meds for it. It came later in life that I learned that the root cause of my depression was gender dysphoria. The therapists and psychiatrists I saw that didn't know anything about the transgender experience were no help and didn't diagnose the problem. It was only through seeing a gender specialist that I had a breakthrough and became depression free. I'm not suggesting this is exactly what you're experiencing, but it could be.

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