Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Looking for some advice


Confused202

Recommended Posts

Hey everybody. I'm new here, and was hoping to meet others like me.

 

I'm a 30 y/o afab. I'm married to my husband that I adore and together we have 2 kids.

 

About 3 years ago I started questioning some feelings I was having. The 2 biggest questions I had been dealing with at the time is why I absolutely cant stand by chest, and why I am jealous over mens beards. I thought I was simply envious that I couldn't grow one. Sounds crazy right??

 

Over the last year I've started realizing these intense desires for a beard and flat chest were more then just that. It's not just a desire, it's a deep seated need to have these things to feel comfortable. 

 

I've always been a tomboy. I typically wear Jean's and a tshirt. I only wear makeup like 3 times a year...and that's when I have to dress up, but really don't like makeup all that much.

 

My hair is long, and I've thought several times about cutting it all off. Its something I really want to do, but I'm afraid I'll just be viewed as a butch lesbian. I dont know why I care so much about what people think, but I do...

 

I feel more at peace with myself thinking of myself as a gay man then a straight woman. I awkwardly discussed this with my husband and he was suprisingly supportive. Intimately, when he treats me as a man, it's much more enjoyable for me.

 

I've thought about transitioning but for now, I dont know if transitioning is in my immediate future. Is there anything I can do to feel more at peace with myself without starting the medical transition yet?  I think I need to just take the plunge and cut my hair. I'm pretty sure I want to get a binder, but I think I want to slowly add things to my physical appearance to slowly transition my appearance from feminine to masculine but I want to do it in a way that people won't question the changes until I'm comfortable with telling people of my trans identity. 

 

I think I just need to talk to people that understand. I dont live in a place that has any LGBT therapists or support groups close, and I've personally never met another trans identified person. 

 

Thanks for listening!

Link to comment
  • Admin
Just now, Confused202 said:

Its something I really want to do, but I'm afraid I'll just be viewed as a butch lesbian. I dont know why I care so much about what people think, but I do...

 

I have some of the most amazing friends who are lesbian and who totally rock the "boy look" so don't let that stop you.  Mostly people DO NOT CARE or really think anything negative.  The Trans men I hang out with all have their styles that throw people off a bit but are also wonderful people which you get within minutes of meeting them.

 

Welcome to the forums, it is great that your husband is able to accept you and willing to be intimate with you as you need. There are years of tips and ideas here on the forums, and if the post is not archived and closed to posting, post in them and things will reopen in that discussion.  Enjoy your time here.

Link to comment
32 minutes ago, VickySGV said:

Mostly people DO NOT CARE or really think anything negative

Hi there! Thanks for welcoming me. 

I think that you are absolutely right. Most people dont care. I truthfully think if I were to cut it I'd be in absolute love after the first time or 2 sporting my new look. And I'd probably never grow it out again. Maybe I'll do it this week....though I've been saying this on and off for a year now. Lol. We'll see.

 

 

Link to comment

Hi, I'm pretty new here too, and your story sounds a bit like mine. I identify similarly to you, thinking of myself as a gay man. I've been with the same man now for 30 years and we have 2 kids too.  So far he's willing to work with me with where I might go with all these trans feelings.

 

I haven't started medically transitioning either, but since I've realized what I really am is a man, I've slowly started changing what I wear, and how I act. I've had really short hair for years, but some things that have made me more comfortable with myself is I started wearing men's briefs, and buying men's t-shirts so they aren't fitted at the waist. Men's jackets and sweatshirts are great too because they are cut more square and hide curves. I hardly wore make up either, and throwing away what I did have felt great. I also moved recently and took the opportunity to get rid of all my dresses and other feminine clothes, since I realized I was only wearing them because I thought I should, not that I wanted to. Now the only women's clothes I have are pants, since my middle-aged hips don't fit into men's. I've also been thinking about how I walk and physically present myself. I'm still pretty much seen as a woman when I'm out and around, but the occasional "sir" feels so good I know I'm going in the right direction.

 

I may start hormones someday, but for now I'm letting my husband catch up to my feelings.

Link to comment

@EvanC I dont think you can understand how extremely happy I am to hear this. I have been looking for different sources, support groups, online forums, and I have yet to find anyone that is like me. I kept thinking maybe I'm not trans, I'm just different then most girls. I do typically wear mostly mens clothing...and that's not a change exactly I've always just worn mens stuff. I bought boxers and I love wearing them, but they are made to fit a bulge...one that i can very clearly feel the absence of when wearing them. I was thinking of maybe packing. But I dont want to do that until I get more comfortable with other changes such as the hair cut...and then maybe binding, and then maybe start packing? I do pack at home alone...while my kids and husband are at school and work. Can I ask, have you talked to your kids? If so, how do they feel about it? My kids are young and I'm a bit hesitant to explain anything, especially since I'm not 100% sure quite yet.

Link to comment

Oh, I definitely have moments where I think I'm not trans enough. I've been going on for 50 years wondering why I'm so bad at being a girl, but it took talking to a therapist to admit to myself that it's because I'm not one.

 

I haven't tried packing yet, but I'm starting to want to try. I know there are some threads here on the forum about STPs and packers that are really helpful, especially to me who didn't even know such things existed. I was always really jealous of my guy friends being able to stand to pee, especially when we were out camping or mountain biking. The hair cut can feel really nice. I cut my really short for the first time when I was about 16, and again in my 20s, and haven't gone long since then. I can't say much about binding since I'm really flat chested, like barely an A cup, and that hasn't bothered me nearly as much as my hips and waist. I did try a binder once, but it was so uncomfortable I didn't try again.

 

I'm in kind of a nice situation with my kids. My oldest came out as a trans man over 5 years ago. He's in his 20s now, and my younger child is still a teen and is non-binary. I told them I was questioning my gender identity about a year ago, are both completely supportive of me doing whatever I need to do to be me. It still surprises me that I didn't even consider that I might be trans after years of supporting and helping my son become himself. Oh, that reminds me, my son has been on T for about 4 years and had top surgery last year and he says that since people have started consistently reading him as male, he's felt more comfortable growing out his hair and wearing more colors and fun clothes. He now has long curly hair halfway down his back.

 

I feel like there are two parts to my desire to change right now, being myself and having others see me as I see myself. The best advice I've had on this site is just to take things step by step and not rush. There is no need to do it all at once, especially for those of us who are older and have others in our lives that may need a little time to catch up to where we are. 

Link to comment

@EvanC that is awesome. My kids are 8 and 5. I dont think either would fully comprehend at the moment. But I know some people transition when their kids are young and they understand so maybe they would. 

 

I want to bind so badly but I'm rather large. I have DD cups and I've heard binding with larger chests is rather difficult. I'm looking into the full tank though because it's supposed to help give you a more square body....or the illusion of that? We'll see. 

 

How has your husband been taking it? My husband says he's supportive but I'm afraid of o start making these changes he will no longer be attracted to me...though when we had the discussion of me being trans, he told me he's bisexual and just never had the nerve to act on it. So I am hoping he really truthfully is, and if I choose to transition then he will still be be attracted to me.

Link to comment

Hmm, yeah, my husband was kind of shocked when I first talked to him, and wasn't sure he could keep being with me physically if I changed too much. We talked about it more over a few months and he's now at the state where he doesn't know how far is too far, but thinks a point could come. But he still says I need to do what is best for me and he just wants me to talk to him about it before I do the next thing, so he can have time to think. We are taking it step by step, and I'm really trying to let him know what I'm thinking as I learn more about myself, and what my options are. It's really hard to talk about, because being trans is something I've been hiding from myself for so long, much less everyone else. It's become a habit not to talk about it.

 

 

Link to comment

@EvanC I am the same way. I have a hard time bringing it up with my him, and an even harder time talking about it. I get really shy and awkward. I think its because I'm still back and forth with questioning myself...he seems to think I'm still questioning myself because of the social aspects of it. He knows I have a lot of doubts because I simply don't want to be different and stand out. 

 

Have you been talking to a therapist at all? If so, does it make that big of a difference? I know I need to see one, and I'm trying but we dont have any close, so it would be an hour and half or more drive, and I dont know if insurance covers anything or not.

Link to comment

Last year I was living in a different city and I did talk to a therapist at the local LGBT center. It was really helpful. Just saying out loud to someone all the things that were swirling around in my head helped me to figure out what I was really feeling. I'm looking to find a new therapist now that I've moved. It's a bit easier for me because I'm living in another big city so there are a lot more around.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 130 Guests (See full list)

    • tracy_j
    • Breanne_O
    • AllieJ
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...