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I believe I am trans mtf, discovering it at 40yo


Camie

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Hi there all. I immediately regret the name I picked so please call me Camie.
 So lately I been looking into blogs and videos for those questioning their gender and general transgender issues.
The more I watched the more I found parallels in my own life. Every story a few things would hit me like an arrow to the chest. These moments I shared and had a hard time admitting to.
 As a young boy I was teased for my femininity, called a mama's boy. I kept trying to take my sister's barbies to play with.  After school, as young as eight, I would try on my mother's clothing when I could get away with it until my older brother found me then I stopped because I was afraid to be caught again.
 Years passed and as a teenager I found that by being goth meant I could get away with wearing skirts, dresses, tights and make up. I felt so happy to be able to this, but I grew older and had to get jobs so I had to stop again.
 Later I met a bisexual girl and we got married and had a child. I felt this pressure to be a classic dad, like I had a role to fill so it stayed put away. For the first time I was getting approval from my very christian family too.
My wife passed away when we were 30 tragically, leaving me the sole parent. Now alone I had to be mom and dad.
These feelings came bubbling up again, one night I had a dream that I was a woman, in that dream I was happier then I had ever been. When I woke up that morning I was sad to be back to male again. This feeling kept nagging me. I pushed it away for a few more years.
Then again recently, a dream came of being female and again I was happy in it, this is when I realized the stuff from my teens and childhood wasn't just some weirdness or a phase, I have a feeling I have had my whole life that won't go away. The more I get to know peoples stories the more I see myself in them.
To be honest. I am scared. I am scared of the consequences of trying to be who I feel I am inside. I am scared of how the people I care about will be affected, and I am having a bit of a hard time with the realization that this is me.
  I am hoping I can find people who understand this to talk to, that's why I am here.
I am a super active Discord user so when I feel comfortable I probably will join there. I am a bit of a chatterbox on discord.
Please forgive my username, I tried to find a way to change it but couldn't seem to find a way to on my profile.
thanks for reading ❤️
Camie
 

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  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, piegirl420 said:

 call me Camie.

❤️
 

 

Hi Camie, and thanks for your intro post here at Trans Pulse forums, you're among friends here. If you would like to change your screen name, simply send a private message to one of the Admins (Vicky, Mary Ellen, Carolyn, Dev, Petra Jane) and they can change it to what ever you'd like that is not already taken and within the community rules. This is a place where you can be yourself, the forums are here to discuss such topics Camie. I see you are in the Puget Sound area, this area is one of the more enlightened (IMHO) when it comes to such things. There are many resources available in this area to help, such as counselors, medical providers, and support groups. Reaching out is a great first step here online. Have a look around our forums, and post away as the mood strikes.

 

Hugs and Welcome

 

Cyndee -

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Hi Camie, welcome.  You will hopefully find this a great safe space to be yourself, explore your identity, share your trials and experiences, and learn from others experiences. I know the people here and their stories help me every day. 

 

*hugs*

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3 hours ago, piegirl420 said:

Every story a few things would hit me like an arrow to the chest. These moments I shared and had a hard time admitting to.

Hi Camie, pleased to meet you! This quote was very similar to my experience, some stories and blogs online I could not associate with, but with others there were enough commonalities to make me keep taking it seriously and keep looking. What did not change and has not changed or slackened in the time I have actually been looking at my feelings and desires is the strength of those feelings, which is why I have been able to admit that I do not fit the definition of a cis male. 

 

3 hours ago, piegirl420 said:

To be honest. I am scared. I am scared of the consequences of trying to be who I feel I am inside. I am scared of how the people I care about will be affected, and I am having a bit of a hard time with the realization that this is me

 

Start small and take each question as it comes. The folks here are supportive and wonderfully knowledgeable about just about anything you could think to ask. I have also had these worries and have so far only told two sets of good friends that I have known for years, overwhelmingly their response has been that they are here for me regardless of how I look on the outside, and if they can support me to just let them know how. Not everyone will be as cool, but at the moment I need people that understand that this is a process of self awareness where layers have to be peeled back to see what lies underneath. The only advice I would give you is to keep on being honest. ?

 

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Thank you for the kind words and welcome Sara and Cyndee.
Cyndee yes Washington state is more open thank goodness, I expect to find good resources. I suppose my first step is to find a gender therapist.
DeeDee, thank you for the advice and input. I see a lot of people say not to rush, so I am trying to breathe and take baby steps toward my target gender. (Sorry if my "lingo" isn't accurate, still learning.)
 I started growing out my hair and taking other small steps I am comfortable with.
One thing is I am the father of a teen boy, who I came out as pansexual to in 2018, and he took that very well, he has lgbtq friends and was raised to be accepting. He cried of happiness at my sister's wedding to her wife.
However I know kids can be cruel, and I am scared it will cause him to be a target for ridicule.
I expect it to be a hard path for me, I just don't want it to be for him as well. I am thinking of just waiting until he is out of high school to come out. In the meantime I can continue to dress and do makeup in private and come out to my online friends.
Is that foolish?
To be honest it was always there, I knew and I suspect people around me already know too, but admitting it and living it is a huge step. I am trying to be honest with myself, which is part of why I am here.
I am ok with waiting to come out I suppose, but the idea of me dying male and never being myself scares me more than coming out.
I'm kind of still internally panicking a bit too so sorry if I ramble.
 

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oh also I will message a mod or admin as soon as it lets me. Currently it is telling me I can send 0 messages a day. If an admin reads this and feels like helping I'd prefer the name camie if available thanks ❤️

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  • Admin
Just now, Carnie said:

oh also I will message a mod or admin as soon as it lets me. Currently it is telling me I can send 0 messages a day. If an admin reads this and feels like helping I'd prefer the name camie if available thanks ❤️

 

Carnie was available and has been changed.  Your log in password will remain the same.

 

Carolyn Marie

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Just now, Carolyn Marie said:

 

Carnie was available and has been changed.  Your log in password will remain the same.

 

Carolyn Marie

Thank you so much for taking the time to do that, however the name I wanted was c a m i e  short for cameron. Sorry for any confusion.

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  • Root Admin

It's been done. It was an innocent mistake. The r n together looks very similar to an m and vice versa.

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Just now, MaryEllen said:

It's been done. It was an innocent mistake. The r n together looks very similar to an m and vice versa.

They do! No harm done, thank you for doing that, I appreciate it!

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  • Forum Moderator

Hello Camie, it's a pleasure to meet you.  It's common to feel scared when you are embarking on something so new and different like transitioning.  Change and its unknown consequences sometimes cause this but it won't last forever.  The one thing that will seems to last forever is the need to deal with these feelings you have had throughout your life.  Clear direction and knowledge help end these feelings or being worried or scared to some degree.  There are people here that can help you with some of this.

I'm 56 and am now starting the process of transition because I could no longer ignore the constant reminder of who I really am.  It's good that you are reaching out for answers and looking for others like us for friendship.  I have found many answers and friendships here.  You can too.  Thank you for sharing your story and look forward to see more from you in the future.

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

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11 hours ago, Camie said:

Hi there all. I immediately regret the name I picked so please call me Camie.
 So lately I been looking into blogs and videos for those questioning their gender and general transgender issues.
The more I watched the more I found parallels in my own life. Every story a few things would hit me like an arrow to the chest. These moments I shared and had a hard time admitting to.
 As a young boy I was teased for my femininity, called a mama's boy. I kept trying to take my sister's barbies to play with.  After school, as young as eight, I would try on my mother's clothing when I could get away with it until my older brother found me then I stopped because I was afraid to be caught again.
 Years passed and as a teenager I found that by being goth meant I could get away with wearing skirts, dresses, tights and make up. I felt so happy to be able to this, but I grew older and had to get jobs so I had to stop again.
 Later I met a bisexual girl and we got married and had a child. I felt this pressure to be a classic dad, like I had a role to fill so it stayed put away. For the first time I was getting approval from my very christian family too.
My wife passed away when we were 30 tragically, leaving me the sole parent. Now alone I had to be mom and dad.
These feelings came bubbling up again, one night I had a dream that I was a woman, in that dream I was happier then I had ever been. When I woke up that morning I was sad to be back to male again. This feeling kept nagging me. I pushed it away for a few more years.
Then again recently, a dream came of being female and again I was happy in it, this is when I realized the stuff from my teens and childhood wasn't just some weirdness or a phase, I have a feeling I have had my whole life that won't go away. The more I get to know peoples stories the more I see myself in them.
To be honest. I am scared. I am scared of the consequences of trying to be who I feel I am inside. I am scared of how the people I care about will be affected, and I am having a bit of a hard time with the realization that this is me.
  I am hoping I can find people who understand this to talk to, that's why I am here.
I am a super active Discord user so when I feel comfortable I probably will join there. I am a bit of a chatterbox on discord.
Please forgive my username, I tried to find a way to change it but couldn't seem to find a way to on my profile.
thanks for reading ❤️
Camie
 

Hi! Omg your story is sooooo similar to mine. I too was goth for that reason. I started with black makup and slowly moved twards reds blues and then finally neutral makeup. I began transition the first time in my late teens and through my 20s. All of my girlfriends were also bi and I did marry a bi girl. I had a couple of sons and detransitioned (I actually had a breakdown from stress and trying to be a man) I fought off the fellings, kept short hair to try to try to be manly. Well the kids grew up and moved off the, wife and I divorced years ago and here I was 44, hated lookin in the mirror, gaining weight and falling deep into depression. After lots of research on YouTube I came to the same conclusion. I started losing weight a year ago and started hrt 6 months ago. I, like you was so very frightened about transition. I learned over the last few months that I am not ashamed to be trans. I am a human being and will be treated as such abd demand to be treated with respect. I am not less than human as some In society will try to tell you. I don't care anymore about rejection or ridicule from ignorant people. Guess what happened when I got into that mindset? I got support, respect, love and true friendships. I have completely come out to everyone now and live full time as trans feminine basically. Some days I'm all dolled up other im strutting around town in jeggings and a big confy baggy sweatshirt and ponytail. I get the occasional snicker but honestly I don't care anymore. I get more support than negativity now. All because I faced my fears and I just wanted to just be me. My endo actually help me with the courage to medically transition. She is soooo awesome. I even have my profile pict on Facebook with a trans flag on it and proud of it. Go look at it. Search "Ashlee Colt" It's your life. Live it. Living a lie tears you down so much. I'm 45 niw and only begun to "live". I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been. Build a life you can live to live. Be true to you. You don't owe anybody anything. 

Ashlee ❤️❤️❤️

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Camie.  I'm glad you joined us.  I woman I worked with had a daughter named Cameron who I later met when she joined our company.  I'm sure you are as sweet as she is.  A beautiful name. 

 

Yes we all seem to have a lot of parallels in our lives.  As my friends have said, you are among friends here.  It sounds like you have done a good job of raising your son.  I wouldn't be too worried about him understanding when you do come out as transgender.  Young kids and teens tend to be resilient and go with the flow.  

 

12 hours ago, Camie said:

To be honest. I am scared. I am scared of the consequences of trying to be who I feel I am inside. I am scared of how the people I care about will be affected, and I am having a bit of a hard time with the realization that this is me.

This is normal.  Its normal to worry about our lives and that of our loved ones.  When you do connect with a therapist and can talk openly with someone without judgement you will see that if you break down the parts of this it is quite manageable.  The fear will melt away.  And the real you will blossom. 

 

Jani

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Omg Ashlee, thank you so much for sharing that! That is really inspiring! Same on the make up too.
 I kinda known for a while but only really accepted it recently.
Idk if you all tried like "tests" to see if you really were (and are) trans, but I did.
 One test recently was buying some make-up, and when I had me time, putting it on, it's something I always loved.
So instead of going goth or whatever I actually did my make-up, I took some selfies with cute snapchat filters (which I never do as a boy) and looked at them to see if I am anywhere near passable.
 What I saw I never expected though. I looked genuinely happy, big goofy smile and all. Something you don't see in any pics of me.
This is all pretty new to me and that one really shook me to my core. I still have the pics and they make me happy when I look at them, it's the only time I've looked at a picture of myself and felt cute.
 I hate mirrors and pics of myself. This was a wake up call.
 

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Thank you Jani, you are totally right, they are resilient. I know a lot of it is overcoming myself on these fears. I am hoping coming here and admitting to myself these things will help me grow more towards myself and where I want to be. ❤️
 That is one thing I always liked was my name, thank you. Slipping into Camie has felt very natural.
 I actually talked to a friend about it for the first time today. they are non-binary and said they might be able to help find a good gender therapist. I am just hoping I can find a way to do it on state health care, I am a low income single parent.

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Just now, Camie said:

Omg Ashlee, thank you so much for sharing that! That is really inspiring! Same on the make up too.
 I kinda known for a while but only really accepted it recently.
Idk if you all tried like "tests" to see if you really were (and are) trans, but I did.
 One test recently was buying some make-up, and when I had me time, putting it on, it's something I always loved.
So instead of going goth or whatever I actually did my make-up, I took some selfies with cute snapchat filters (which I never do as a boy) and looked at them to see if I am anywhere near passable.
 What I saw I never expected though. I looked genuinely happy, big goofy smile and all. Something you don't see in any pics of me.
This is all pretty new to me and that one really shook me to my core. I still have the pics and they make me happy when I look at them, it's the only time I've looked at a picture of myself and felt cute.
 I hate mirrors and pics of myself. This was a wake up call.
 

Yes, sounds very familiar. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria and that truly is haw it feels. I also used snapchat as a way to be happy with my image. I also told myself I was a just going to transition just a little and hide it. Just wear androgynous stuff, well, thats out the window. I don't own any guy clothing at all. All my jeans are stretch low-rise or jeggings. I wear some type of makeup every day. I get my hair dyed awesome colors and curled. I'm starting to be ok with mirrors. I go to group twice a month and surrounded myself with supportive people and let the others go live their hatefilled lives. You may try to look up support groups in your area. They really help. You are not alone and we've all been afraid. Afraid of shopping, bathrooms and transition but there are many many many of us all across the gender spectrum. 

Be fabulous! Be you! Do what makes You happy. 

Ashlee ❤️???️‍?

 

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Thank you! ❤️
I used to rock pink or purple hair a lot, went back to natural dark brown to grow it out. I miss it.
 I bought some under clothing, trying to be more courageous, I will get there. 

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Everybody moves to there own timeline. We've all been in the same place and taken the same steps. Who knows, next week you may be giving words of encouragement or advice to some with the same fears you're facing right now. Its such a great community. 

Ashlee ❤️

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Glad I came here and met you all. I am already feeling much better about things knowing I am not alone. ?

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19 hours ago, Camie said:

However I know kids can be cruel, and I am scared it will cause him to be a target for ridicule.

Nice to meet you Camie. This is one thing you shouldn’t worry about. My son is 12 almost 13 and this was one of the bigger reasons I was afraid to come out. But I have found over the last 6 months living full time that kids are awesome! They don’t care (unless they’re taught to which does happen unfortunately). My son has never had anyone say anything to him about me. His friends all accept me. When I go to his school for meetings the kids there don’t even notice me. So don’t be too scared of this. 

 

Plenty of great advice from the girls up there. Talking here has been a great help for me. Without them I’d be lost. You definitely set back what you put in here. So don’t be shy. ?

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8 hours ago, Kirsten said:

Nice to meet you Camie. This is one thing you shouldn’t worry about. My son is 12 almost 13 and this was one of the bigger reasons I was afraid to come out. But I have found over the last 6 months living full time that kids are awesome! They don’t care (unless they’re taught to which does happen unfortunately). My son has never had anyone say anything to him about me. His friends all accept me. When I go to his school for meetings the kids there don’t even notice me. So don’t be too scared of this. 

 

Plenty of great advice from the girls up there. Talking here has been a great help for me. Without them I’d be lost. You definitely set back what you put in here. So don’t be shy. ?


That is amazing Kirsten, I'm glad that aspect has been so good for you. Kids can be amazing too!

 I just hate that my son had to go through losing his mom to cancer and I feel like I would just be piling more baggage on him, and I know I feel this way because I feel like I am being selfish wanting to be acknowledged as a woman. Maybe I am not giving him credit or a chance to be the awesome kid he is. My son is 15, he said something that almost sounded like he knew already, but acknowledging it to him is a very big step, so I am trying to feminize as far as I can for now until I feel comfortable sharing it with him.
 I did have a beard I hid behind, people seemed to like it. Recently after accepting myself more I shaved it off and my son was surprised but handled it well.
Baby steps I suppose. I still got a long way to go. I am embarrassed to admit I had a beard. I see so many of you have wonderful pictures and it puts me in awe. So many courageous people, you all have such strength, such beauty. You all are an inspiration. Keep being you, and I will work toward being the me I want to be.
 

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Just now, Camie said:

I am embarrassed to admit I had a beard.

 

I am not embarrassed to admit I did too at one time in life Camie, like yourself I felt I was hiding behind it, you're not alone.

 

Baby steps, is wonderful way to look at things, you get it. Slowly over time the changes can be worked into your life, it's like layering, you keep adding layers until one day you realize, you're there, with a solid foundation.

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

 

 

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Just now, Cyndee said:

 

I am not embarrassed to admit I did too at one time in life Camie, like yourself I felt I was hiding behind it, you're not alone.

 

Baby steps, is wonderful way to look at things, you get it. Slowly over time the changes can be worked into your life, it's like layering, you keep adding layers until one day you realize, you're there, with a solid foundation.

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

 

 

Thank you, these kind words mean the world Cyndee ❤️

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I shaved mine off over the Christmas holidays. I was sick at the time and have been telling people that I shaved it because of that. I am still very much not out. The shadow I have triggers the dysphoria almost as much as the beard did, but a little less, so I celebrate the win.  The beard was definitely part of the male facade I had erected over the years and it definitely felt cathartic to be rid of it. Now I’m saving for electrolysis to do away with the evil shadow. 

 

I agree, stripping off layers of rust and adding layers of new and vibrant paint, a little at a time, bringing back the beauty that has been hidden beneath the tarnish, is the way to move forward for me. It’s incredible how many tough and ugly layers we create and lest fester to insulate us from others and even ourself.  It took time to build the facade and it takes time to take it down and fix up the neglect underneath. 

 

Thank you for sharing. You don’t need photos to be inspiring, just coming here and sharing your story is inspiring in itself. 

 

*hugs*

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      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
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