How to tell the signs of dysphoria

[Makayla2019]

Whilst I am now really eagerly awaiting my appointment to see my new therapist next week am I enjoying my last day of freedom so to speak. 

I am sat here in Starbucks trying to work. Trying to feel femme though I don’t right at this point. I find my attention is constantly drawn by every female that I think looks great has a nice outfit and I am pondering this can’t be normal. 

So how do signs of dysphoria present. What do other feel in a similar situation?

 

right now I kinda just wish I was one of them. I look enviously at tall girls and think hooray inside. There is hope. Hehe. 

 

It it all makes concentration on work very difficult. My mind is constantly spinning wondering. 

 

How do I manage that or do I just let it go? Is this dysphoria escalating ?

 

look forward to replies and thanks for all replies so far. Having a place to ask is really helping honestly hehe 

 

makayla

xx

[VickySGV]

No two of us have exactly the same signs of GD and we can only answer with what our own signs are, not ones you can share with a therapist and be real.  Whatever signs you choose to share, they will be things that are Consistent, Persistent and Insistent on your life.  Your inability to concentrate on your work might fall under the Insistent category here, and your envy of what women are veers off into the Consistent range of things.  Just be honest with the therapist, who already knows what to look for, and between now and then, breathe on a regular basis.  Gender Dysphorics do breathe on a regular basis.

[Makayla2019]

@VickySGV thanks for that. Breathing is always good.  Just feels like it’s escalating at a fair rate. Or maybe it’s just as I have lived more as Makayala than not in the last couple of weeks. And now I want that more than ever. 

[Kirsten]

It sounds like you have gotten some acceptance of who you are. And you have some excitement that’s boiling up over where this can lead you. You’ve maybe opened up a part of yourself that you lost some time ago. 

Talking to the therapist will be good this week. It’s important to take things slow.  

[Cyndee]

Hi there, I'm at work now, but I thought I would chime in here briefly. In my estimation there can be 2 general types of dysphoria, body and social role. Vicky is correct above in that persistence of any of these could be a sign.

 

Typical examples of body dysphoria might include (only presented as examples), do you dislike or feel uncomfortable being hairy on face and body ? do you dislike or feel uncomfortable about having male sex parts ? do you dislike having a male sounding voice ? do you dislike or feel uncomfortable with having large muscles, or an angular frame ? If any of these might be true, then consider these potential body dysphoria types.

 

Typical examples of social role dysphoria might include - Do you dislike being called "sir" ? Do you dislike like having to be stoic or not show your emotions or what you might feel inside ? Do dislike or feel uncomfortable in certain social situations where certain male dominated behaviors are encouraged (drinking in a bar and grabbing women's butts) ? Do you dislike or feel uncomfortable wearing male clothes ? Do they feel restrictive and non expressive ?

 

Just food for thought here, and bumping this thread

 

Like others have said, things to discuss with a counselor and we of course would be happy bounce things off you here.

 

I hope you can concentrate at work, I can tell you social role dysphoria hit me pretty hard at work. When I transition I solved most of that, and then was challenged as a working woman (it's way different now, but far more satisfying). 

 

Best to you

 

Cyndee -

[DeeDee]

6 hours ago, Makayla2019 said:

my attention is constantly drawn by every female that I think looks great has a nice outfit and I am pondering this can’t be normal. 

Literally me every time I go out...  

[Makayla2019]

57 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

u. You’ve maybe opened up a part of yourself that you lost some

@Kirsten i am starting to realise that is becoming very noisy too hehe

[Makayla2019]

Just now, DeeDee said:

Literally me every time I go out...  

Pheww. Not just me. It’s kinda creepy but I am not thinking creepy. Just in awe of how good they look mainly. 

[DeeDee]

Happens all the time, and yes its not a creepy thing, just a fashion thing - though it can be distracting. A lot of my female friends also do this though, and so did my ex wife - mid way through a sentence they stop to comment on something they either really like or really hate that another woman is wearing - one extreme or the other, so I classify it as normal behaviour! 

[Makayla2019]

1 hour ago, Cyndee said:

I can tell you social role dysphoria hit me pretty hard at work. When I transition I solved most of that, and then was challenged as a working woman (it's way different now, but far more satisfying). 

Hi cyndee

i have always been socially awkward from about 10. That was probably about the time I was expected to follow certain rules I guess.  Never notice body disphoria other than always feeling the thing was inadequate, not right somehow. I certainly am not keen on body hair but actually prefer how I look with a beard rather than clean shaven. Yet with a wig and makeup now I feel different again. 

I guess I would say that I have really felt I was trapped in the wrong body until the last few years when the desire to dress and pass has gotten hold of me like a drug. That’s why I Am so worried about the cause. 

The one thing that’s really hit home for me is that I feel sad at the thought of not being trans. 

Hope that makes some sense. 

 

Hugs

Makayla. 

 

[Makayla2019]

This seems to work for me right now. Where is that button to stay like this. 

[Cyndee]

2 hours ago, Makayla2019 said:

Hi cyndee

i have always been socially awkward from about 10. That was probably about the time I was expected to follow certain rules I guess. 

The rules as you say can become too restrictive, I found trying to live within the expected boundaries were actually making me sick (anxiety, stress, disingenuous feelings). This was affecting my overall well being and health.

I guess I would say that I have really felt I was trapped in the wrong body until the last few years when the desire to dress and pass has gotten hold of me like a drug.

It can seem like an addiction, perhaps look at it this way, in these desires surfacing at this stage of life, that might be causing enough stress that it interferes with or degrades one's daily life routine, are really symptoms of an underlying condition. Seeking professional help is recommended (you are doing that !). Just the fact you are here asking these types of things tells me you are aware of it and concerned about it enough to take action Makayla.

 

The one thing that’s really hit home for me is that I feel sad at the thought of not being trans. 

Don't be sad, be glad. It's really not a choice, it chooses you.

Hope that makes some sense. 

 

 

Hugs

Makayla. 

 

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

[Makayla2019]

Just now, Cyndee said:

Don't be sad, be glad. It's really not a choice, it chooses you.

It sure does it seems. I most defiantly trying to be glad. 

I will go in to see my therapist with open mind and see where I come out. I still need to battle with the concept of breaking my wife’s heart again. Not sure I have that in me. Although I do have Makayla in me. Well and truly. 

[Makayla2019]

I really wish someone could help tell me how to differentiate wearing leather as a fetish and it’s connectivity to possibly being trans. I feel amazing dressed in leather but only ver in female versions of myself and always female attire. 

[VickySGV]

Even Trans people can have fetishes that do not negate the Trans at all.  I have friends who have a small stuffed animal collection or teddy bear collection.  I can go on for a whole list of others (and then there is my electronics hobby with a number of antique radios from 60 years ago).  You like the leather as clothing.  Drop the fetish connection, just drop it like it was hot.  You like the leather style feel and how it makes you look.  You are most likely Trans Female and women like to look good even in leather.

[Makayla2019]

5 hours ago, VickySGV said:

Even Trans people can have fetishes that do not negate the Trans at all.  I have friends who have a small stuffed animal collection or teddy bear collection.  I can go on for a whole list of others (and then there is my electronics hobby with a number of antique radios from 60 years ago).  You like the leather as clothing.  Drop the fetish connection, just drop it like it was hot.  You like the leather style feel and how it makes you look.  You are most likely Trans Female and women like to look good even in leather.

@VickySGV you don’t realise how good you just made me feel. Seriously just made my day. Thanks for such kind words.  Honestly almost brought me to tears reading that post. 

I am a woman and I like leather. And I love how it makes me look. It makes me feel special. 

Hugs

M

[Jani]

Makayla this is good advise from Vicky and what I would have written as well.  Just be you.  There is no need to connect all the dots!  Sometimes they are just things we enjoy. 

 

Jani

[Makayla2019]

Thanks as well @Jani definitely conscious over thinking things.