Hi. I need support.

[DaveMK]

Hello! As you read the title, I need support, and mostly help. I am a 16 year old FTM. I found out I was experiencing these feelings when I was 12 or 13. I came out to my parents, mainly my mom which was about a few months ago. I have always hinted with it and once I did come out to her vaguely. But she reacted badly from it. This time, she reacted more differently and said that she wouldn't think different of me. However, when I bring up the fact that I wish to buy men clothes- binders, boxers and such, she reacts annoyed. I'm really scared that I'm wrong and maybe I shouldn't feel this way. Since she believes that feeling this type of way believes you're sick or not normal. Today, she really hurt me by yelling at me when all I said was that I wish I could have a simple masculine haircut. Then she brings up an article about how sex transitioning is terrible when I never even brought up about ANYTHING related to the topic. She then tells me to stop crying- which, really hurt since it seemed like she was saying it as if I had no reason to cry. I felt terrible and I always feel like crap when I try to do something on my own. I don't feel comfortable being called a girl, someone using she/her for me or even having this body. It really hurts because I am only so young and can't provide for myself yet. My parents refuse for me to get a job since I need to finish school first, which, I can understand. But them not supporting me really does affect me negatively. Including when I explained dysphoria to my mom, and how I specifically feel and why I chose to be trans. My dad knows this as well but doesn't really care and my sister currently knows, which, she thinks it's just a game and something funny. Saying that I was put on this earth as a female for a reason. I may be over dramatic but this stuff really does leave a scar on me. My mom even told my aunt that I'm transgender, but I don't even talk to my aunt- which, my mom didn't even ask for my permission to tell anyone. I have one binder and four boxers, which are the only thing holding me at the moment. I wish I could have actual support, but I can't get it from family. Thank you.

[CallMeKai]

Hey, I am sorry that your family doesn't accept you. Its rough trying to be something when so many other people tell you the opposite. I may not be able to help physically but if you ever need someone to talk to I am here, and there are so many other people on this forum that are willing to listen and help support you. 

[DaveMK]

Just now, CallMeKai said:

Hey, I am sorry that your family doesn't accept you. Its rough trying to be something when so many other people tell you the opposite. I may not be able to help physically but if you ever need someone to talk to I am here, and there are so many other people on this forum that are willing to listen and help support you. 

Thanks. Hearing something from someone- or even hearing that kind of stuff from somebody is really comforting because at least I know I won't be alone on this. it sucks that family or parents reduce to this kind of stuff, even humiliating their child(ren) for their actions. I could say the same for you, though, despite what not. I'll be willing to listen to you as well.

[Susan R]

Hello Dave, nice to meet you.  This reaction from your parents is common.  I can't tell you how many stories of young adults your age that have that same element of denial and rejection.  Your parents (specifically your mom) may be playing "devils advocate" as a way to protect you and herself.  You should see if you can educate them a bit by providing them information about what being a TG individual is really all about.  Those in denial about the seriousness of your needs, have to understand that it's not a temporary situation.  If they spent even a couple days reading similar posts here, they might understand you and this TG issue much better.  I realize that's an almost impossible task.  Here's an idea you might try to do with them.  Sit down with your mom and dad one evening when you won't have ANY interruptions.  Tell them you want to discuss this topic openly in a calm and mature way...meaning no yelling, interrupting, or judgement.  I would present some TG facts that can easily be found online...facts that they probably won't take time to research themselves.  I would explain to them details about how and when these feelings started and get them to understand how this has negatively affected your life thus far and let them know that it usually does get worse if nothing is done.  Let them know that you can't just "do nothing" anymore.  Then breech the topic of therapy with them.  If you and your parents could spend some time together with a good counselor, I think they would understand a bit better what it is you are going through.  It would give them some perspective on the issue.  Maybe even tell your parents you know they love you but right now you need some  professional support that they alone can not provide.  It's worth a try, because until you're financially independent from them they hold most of the cards.  I wish you the very best in solving these issues.  There are many here that can offer you support but getting your parents behind you and your need to address these TG issues should be top priority.

 

Best of Luck,

Susan R?

[Jani]

17 hours ago, DaveMK said:

My parents refuse for me to get a job since I need to finish school first, which, I can understand.

This is a good position since it allows you to focus on your school and future.  Yes you aren't earning your own money for things but that will change soon enough.  Your mother is seeing this change and it scares her.  She has her vision of you and you're changing it.  This is inevitable as we evolve and grow.  Hang tight.  Others don't understand because they've never questioned their gender.