Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

DaveMK

Hi. I need support.

Recommended Posts

DaveMK

Hello! As you read the title, I need support, and mostly help. I am a 16 year old FTM. I found out I was experiencing these feelings when I was 12 or 13. I came out to my parents, mainly my mom which was about a few months ago. I have always hinted with it and once I did come out to her vaguely. But she reacted badly from it. This time, she reacted more differently and said that she wouldn't think different of me. However, when I bring up the fact that I wish to buy men clothes- binders, boxers and such, she reacts annoyed. I'm really scared that I'm wrong and maybe I shouldn't feel this way. Since she believes that feeling this type of way believes you're sick or not normal. Today, she really hurt me by yelling at me when all I said was that I wish I could have a simple masculine haircut. Then she brings up an article about how sex transitioning is terrible when I never even brought up about ANYTHING related to the topic. She then tells me to stop crying- which, really hurt since it seemed like she was saying it as if I had no reason to cry. I felt terrible and I always feel like crap when I try to do something on my own. I don't feel comfortable being called a girl, someone using she/her for me or even having this body. It really hurts because I am only so young and can't provide for myself yet. My parents refuse for me to get a job since I need to finish school first, which, I can understand. But them not supporting me really does affect me negatively. Including when I explained dysphoria to my mom, and how I specifically feel and why I chose to be trans. My dad knows this as well but doesn't really care and my sister currently knows, which, she thinks it's just a game and something funny. Saying that I was put on this earth as a female for a reason. I may be over dramatic but this stuff really does leave a scar on me. My mom even told my aunt that I'm transgender, but I don't even talk to my aunt- which, my mom didn't even ask for my permission to tell anyone. I have one binder and four boxers, which are the only thing holding me at the moment. I wish I could have actual support, but I can't get it from family. Thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
CallMeKai

Hey, I am sorry that your family doesn't accept you. Its rough trying to be something when so many other people tell you the opposite. I may not be able to help physically but if you ever need someone to talk to I am here, and there are so many other people on this forum that are willing to listen and help support you. 

Share this post


Link to post
DaveMK
Just now, CallMeKai said:

Hey, I am sorry that your family doesn't accept you. Its rough trying to be something when so many other people tell you the opposite. I may not be able to help physically but if you ever need someone to talk to I am here, and there are so many other people on this forum that are willing to listen and help support you. 

Thanks. Hearing something from someone- or even hearing that kind of stuff from somebody is really comforting because at least I know I won't be alone on this. it sucks that family or parents reduce to this kind of stuff, even humiliating their child(ren) for their actions. I could say the same for you, though, despite what not. I'll be willing to listen to you as well.

Share this post


Link to post
Susan R

Hello Dave, nice to meet you.  This reaction from your parents is common.  I can't tell you how many stories of young adults your age that have that same element of denial and rejection.  Your parents (specifically your mom) may be playing "devils advocate" as a way to protect you and herself.  You should see if you can educate them a bit by providing them information about what being a TG individual is really all about.  Those in denial about the seriousness of your needs, have to understand that it's not a temporary situation.  If they spent even a couple days reading similar posts here, they might understand you and this TG issue much better.  I realize that's an almost impossible task.  Here's an idea you might try to do with them.  Sit down with your mom and dad one evening when you won't have ANY interruptions.  Tell them you want to discuss this topic openly in a calm and mature way...meaning no yelling, interrupting, or judgement.  I would present some TG facts that can easily be found online...facts that they probably won't take time to research themselves.  I would explain to them details about how and when these feelings started and get them to understand how this has negatively affected your life thus far and let them know that it usually does get worse if nothing is done.  Let them know that you can't just "do nothing" anymore.  Then breech the topic of therapy with them.  If you and your parents could spend some time together with a good counselor, I think they would understand a bit better what it is you are going through.  It would give them some perspective on the issue.  Maybe even tell your parents you know they love you but right now you need some  professional support that they alone can not provide.  It's worth a try, because until you're financially independent from them they hold most of the cards.  I wish you the very best in solving these issues.  There are many here that can offer you support but getting your parents behind you and your need to address these TG issues should be top priority.

 

Best of Luck,

Susan R🌷

Share this post


Link to post
Jani
17 hours ago, DaveMK said:

My parents refuse for me to get a job since I need to finish school first, which, I can understand.

This is a good position since it allows you to focus on your school and future.  Yes you aren't earning your own money for things but that will change soon enough.  Your mother is seeing this change and it scares her.  She has her vision of you and you're changing it.  This is inevitable as we evolve and grow.  Hang tight.  Others don't understand because they've never questioned their gender.  

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 125 Guests (See full list)

    • Nivegnal
    • Jackie C.
    • NB Adult
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,015
    • Total Posts
      623,245
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,711
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Kaydon
    Newest Member
    Kaydon
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    No users celebrating today
  • Posts

    • Jackie C.
      Honestly, therapists are really easy to talk to. Part of the job and all. You'll be amazed how much better you feel talking to someone.   SO jealous about the Medical University thing. I imagine that makes things ever so much easier. Most of what you need is just right there. Awesome news!   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Hrm. I tried three.   Kathe S. Perez from 30-Day Crash Course   Melanie Ann Phillips How to Develop a Female Voice   and Nina who has a last name, but I'm completely not remembering it Female Voice Club   First off, they all had good points and slightly different approaches. Cost wise How to Develop a Female Voice is the least expensive and provides about an hour of material. I personally didn't find her methods that useful, but she comes from an acting background and teaches like she would to other actors. If I was a more experienced actress, I might have gotten more out of it. 30-Day Crash Course had some advice that I'm still using. It's the next most expensive. Like I said, advice that I'm still using, but the instruction style didn't get me as far as I'd like. If I had a decent voice coach easily available I think it would have made great supplemental material. Female Voice Club made the most difference for me. Nina works on just one element at a time and goes in depth about what she's doing and why. You can also send her short voice clips for her to critique and she'll give you advice on what you should be working on. Unfortunately, it's the most expensive (and longest), but she's got options for a subscription to spread things out. You can, however, do the warm-up exercises in the car and she's got things you can do when you're alone at work at your desk.   I practice for about an hour a day and I'll work in extra tuning sessions when I'm in the car or doing something mindless.   I hope some of that helps!   Hugs!  
    • Nivegnal
      Per the wise advice I have received here I have reached out to my company mental health benefits department  I work for a Medical University, UVM.  They are very pro transgender and serious about all sorts of tolerance.   They just forwarded me a couple numbers for counseling with a gender specialist.  I’m hoping from there I can be referred to a psychologist or equivalent. Maybe even get past all this fear.   im just hoping my insurance covers this.   (fingers crossed) This is a major step for me.  Kinda scary admitting “things” to someone face to face.   I suppose you have to start somewhere.
    • Nivegnal
      I have always been a car vocalist.  From way back singing in the family car with my brothers and sister. I even can hit the high notes.  But it has to be loud.  I tend to blend my voice to mimic the artist but find it difficult to do so at lower music levels.  I don’t have a very low voice and, to me, listening to myself on tape it’s a little on the nasally side.  With the right pitch I think it might be cute.   I look forward to practicing but I need to find the right program to use while driving. I am looking into the suggestions here.    
    • Charlize
      I've always preferred the witch   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Maid In Bedlam
      You cannot beat a Bela lugosi Dracula  Movie. He was the real mould . For me anyway.   Not so good in plan Nine from outer space.   I have no idea why i have posted this but it had to be said.   That is all
    • Maid In Bedlam
      Well they did pave paradise. and put up a parking lot   Those meddling kids.       Well i get me bike back anyway. With a working ding a ling to
    • Jackie C.
      Tragically no, but my therapist is working on it. That means she's experienced and active in the LGBT+ community, but none of her three degrees are specifically for gender therapy. I'm not actually sure where the distinction is. Both Deena (my regular therapist) and my gender therapist, Sara are LMSWs. That's Licensed Master Social Workers.    For gender therapists I had to go outside BetterHelp.com to the UofM Health System. I love Sara but I wasn't up to driving that far every week to talk to her (I love my car, but she's an old girl. I try not to stress her too much.) Also, she's always super put together and it's a little intimidating. Deena and I have had (online) sessions where we were both in sweatpants.   So yeah, I went with Deena and BetterHelp for my regular therapy needs and went... well, go... to Sara at UofM for things that need that specific gender therapist seal of approval. She was the Letter of Recommendation I needed to get started on hormone therapy. For WPATH standards of care (If you're going for GRS anyway), you need two gender therapists from different programs, so I also saw... I'm blanking on her name now, but she's local to me so it doesn't matter at all for you. At least I don't THINK you want to come to Michigan for a therapist. Anyway, she was a full psychologist and wicked expensive. I liked talking to her and am forever grateful for her Letter of Recommendation but I'd go broke seeing her.   Hugs!
    • Steph1982
      Hey there!    I just read your post and can relate to some of it. I too wish I could see the girl inside but that would take much more time and steps in the right direction to get there. The porn thing I totally get too, and after doing a lot of reading and people's kind words on here it's really not as uncommon as I thought it would be. The reasons behind all of it though can vary which is why seeing a licensed therapist is so important and will likely be my next step as well. Maybe start there?    Jackie, does better help have licensed gender therapists? It was my understanding that they had licensed counseling and some have experience with gender issues but they are not specifically a gender therapist? 
    • tracy_j
      Hi, hello and welcome ☺️   I have missed the start on this but you have good experiences given above. I have a link here which gives an overview: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/guidelines/   and https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/how-to-find-an-nhs-gender-identity-clinic/   plus there are support groups (probably variable / not regulated): https://www.transunite.co.uk/   In general, the NHS information seems to be good, although I have no real first hand experience. Waiting lists are long, as may be expected. Access via your Gp is the usual route but, if that is a problem, just push elsewhere. As mentioned, self referral may well be accepted.   Don't hesitate to ask further here as there is much experience and guidance to options.   Tracy        
    • Jackie C.
      What Jani said. Unfortunately there's no magic wand. I so wish, but wishing doesn't work either. Herbal products are a bad idea for a variety of reasons from, "It doesn't work and cost a mint," to "It doesn't work and gave me an exciting new health problem." The same goes for vacuum pumps. You do not want to throw a clot. Honestly all these products are looking to make a buck off of someone else's moment of desperation. Where you'll try ANYTHING to get just a little closer to your goal. The people who peddle such problems should be pecked by perturbed penguins until they repent.   Breast massage along with hormone therapy (under the supervision of an endocrinologist) helps a little. Your mileage may vary. It's pain free though.   I can't comment on hair removal though. I was "gifted" with alopecia universallis for my 39th birthday. I'm going to look on the bright side and say, "At least I don't have to shave anything." I have found that most SRS surgeons in the states won't touch you unless you've had electrolysis in the "target area" for at least a year though. Made scheduling my surgery a challenge.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Putting my fingers over an ear never occurred to me. I usually practice in front of the computer and use audio playback along with a pitch register. I speak on a G sharp now and it sounds pretty good. My wife's natural voice is now a little darker than mine.   It took a lot of practice to get here though.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      What Jani and Vicky said. It sounds like you really need to talk to a therapist. I've been where you are. It was a dark, unpleasant, no-good place. You don't have to be there. The first step is finding help. Your medical insurance might even cover it. Find a therapist and talk. They're paid to listen and help. It's very refreshing. I went with BetterHelp.com because they're cheap and I don't have to leave the house. I know that as a guy of a certain age you were trained with "guys don't need help" and the stigma of finding help for mental issues. Those are terrible, terrible lies. Find someone. It can get better.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      I started in the home and moved to a gym later. My first exercises were a cardio-dance routine for women* that I alternated with an hour on the treadmill. I lost eighty pounds doing that before I sought out a personal trainer once a week at the gym.   Part of that is because the treadmill broke...   Hugs and best of luck!   *That was fun. I still can't dance to save my life, but it was fun.
    • VickySGV
      You are describing some serious depression in your post there.  My recommendation is that you immediately if not sooner find a licensed therapist in your state who deals with Gender Dysphoria, or at least one who can help you really discover source of the depression first, actually though, Gender Therapists have all started out as the garden variety therapist who learned to treat depression.   On a darker note, yes, there are people who become addicted to pornography as well, but the therapist I recommended above can also help people get that addiction onto the road to recovery.  Attraction to porn does not exclude the possibility that you are Trans also.  It will take a while in therapy to work all of that out, but  in my experience you have a good chance of getting your life under control, even if it requires going in to full Gender Transition. 
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...