Dysphoria

[killjoyaiden]

My dysphoria has been very suffocating lately.. I started shark week yesterday, and I had to talk to the nurse at my school about getting another pair of underwear and pants... There were other kids in the room... It was a whole mess and I'm still not over it... I feel like my gender dysphoria walks hand-in-hand with my body dysphoria/dysmorphia. Others say I look like i weigh only 110-115 (I really weigh at least 130) but to me, I look like I weigh about 150-160... I feel like I look to womanly... I don't always see myself like this, some days I think, "Woah, dude, you're a walking skeleton." It seems to just be getting worse as the day goes on... I don't know... Am I crazy?

[Cyndee]

No Aiden, you are not crazy, body dysphoria is real, and it can be quite debilitating, many of us here have suffered the terrible feeling of being wrong in their body. Can you get to a counselor privately ? Can you start trying to bulk up a little, to try and compensate for the body image issues ?  Protein shakes, weights, build up those arms ? Clothes that hide curves ? Just presenting but a few ideas here.

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

[killjoyaiden]

@Cyndee I have a therapist, but I only see her every three weeks. I don't feel comfortable talking to the school counselors.. I just don't trust them. I'm scared to bulk up, in the fears that it'll just make me look fatter. I want to bulk up my arms and I want to get abs. I don't like drinking protein shakes, I've considered it before, because of the calorie amount. (I struggle with anorexia. I'm still trying to get over it, as I have been since September of 2018.) I just seem to be stuck. Apparently, I hide my chest very well, according to others. I just feel like it's incredibly noticeable. Like I said, I'm stuck.

[Cyndee]

You know given where you are located (IN) that sounds like a wise idea, avoiding the school counselors. I can picture the vice president from there and what he did and continues to do for your state. You won't get fatter, just build more lean muscle is the goal, and in order to do that you need to have calories, protein and in a form that you do like to eat. I am sorry to read you are suffering anorexia, don't be afraid to eat.

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

[Susan]

Hello. I know meat has protein but I think things like eggs or nuts do gave protein in them to. I wish I could be more help. Good luck and I hope you can get through this. 

[killjoyaiden]

Thank you all so much. 

@Cyndee it's a struggle, but I'm going to overcome it. It'll take time, but it'll happen. My school counselors are very sweet and accepting, my school faculty is mainly democratic. I just don't know them very well and I have trust issues ?