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hmillerrr

I'm tired of fighting.. *DEEP CONTENT, WARNING*

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hmillerrr

I'm tired of fighting. I'm fighting right now as I type this only because it's become such a habit. The coping skills I had to learn to get comfortable with and practice have become instinct. I guess you could say I'm pretty far in my "recovery" for that . But that's the thing I don't want to cope anymore. I just want to let go, just fall away. I try so -censored- hard to pretend that desire isn't there anymore and that I'm "changed" but it's there. I keep forgetting that it built a home inside me. And even tho I keep the door shut, is still standing and it always finds a way out; my desire to let go. close my eyes, disappear. I fight it whenever it comes up but -expletive-. I'm starting to wonder why I even fight anymore. I used to ask myself this all the time and it's scaring me that I'm asking myself this again. It really is. I want it all to go away. I don't know why I wrote this here. It's not fair to put this on you guys I just... I can't tell my family they'll think I'm "bad" again. Or unsafe again. I don't want them to worry.

-Trevor

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Sarahnr1

Ive lost  count  on how many times ive been  in youe  situation  reg this  i just whant to give  up during  my life   Trevor    & i defenetly understand. BUT   just giving  up  is NOT will NEVER  EVER   HAS EVER  been the right solution dear, 

 

I know why you wrote this here  and you did the RIGHT thing you wrote in here as you really DONT whant to give up and asking for help  and here we are. Feel free to pm me  if you whant  & also 

 

 If you are suicidal, call the Trans Lifeline at (877) 565-8860 in the US or (877) 330-6366 in Canada, or log in to our live chat room and ask to speak with a crisis moderator.

 

and above  all  DONT repeat DONT    do anything stupid  Trevor                     

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tracy_j

Hi Trevor,

You will probably have heard all this before, but bad times do pass. I am not sure I have ever been as far down your current road as you, but I have had people worried about me. It was often the little things that helped. Unrelated things that happened during the day. People just being nice and caring. Not always to me, but just simple acts I saw or felt. I think one thing my psychiatrist was happy with was that I cared for my family and was worried about them. A positive thing. They thought I was suicidal. It still confuses me and wonder why they sent me to a psychiatrist. It even scared me a bit when I was given an emergency contact number. I might have been suicidal at other times, I wasn't then. Or was I? It was all so confusing. In the end I made a positive move to be me. It made me more confident so my fears mostly receded. I think one of the things I have realised, that it was not a fight in that sort of way. It was more a move to sidestep the fight. Not see things as a fight, just a different way of life.

 

I hope it helps, and not confusing. We all see things differently, but help each other.

 

Tracy

 

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Charlize

Trevor i'm sorry i don't know how to change how you are feeling today.  I know i have spent time during my life when i have felt much as you describe.  I tried to wipe out those feelings with drugs and alcohol.  Needless to say it only got worse.  Fortunately i reached out for help.  I didn't want to at the time but when i did i found i wasn't alone yet others seemed to be having a good life despite the difficulties life placed before them.  That has become now how i see life.  It is hard but somehow beautiful.

I'm glad you reached out here and shared with us.  Please take care of yourself.  You are posting to a community that understands and is here to support each other.

 

Big Hugs,

 

Charlize

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killjoyaiden

Recently, (this past Sunday) someone who was in our community took his own life. Everyone's devastated. My boyfriend is really not himself and it worries me. He cut over it, and it wasn't just one or two. Giving up, when you think about it, is a pretty selfish thing to do. You end your life, you end your own pain, and leave everyone behind to pick up the pieces. 

 

I know it's hard, I'm in your spot right now. But, you have to remember, it's not like this forever. I don't care who you are, there's at least one person who would be deeply hurt by your giving up.

 

We're here for you. We love you.

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

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Timber Wolf

Hi Trevor,

I wish I had a magic wand I could wave and make your difficulties go away. But all I can give you is what helps me get through difficult times. Just take it one day at a time. Just live in today. Let tomorrow deal with itself. There are countless tomorrows, and they can be overwhelming, but there is just one today. Focus on today and don't worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will come in it's own good time. And remember, we're here and we care.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf 🐺🐾

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