Looking for help

[EliAtkins]

So, I'm considering the possibility that I might be FtM (still questioning and trying to figure out who I am).  I'd like to experiment with a more masculine presence to see how it feels.  I don't wear makeup except like once or twice a year and I've dug out my collection of masculine looking jewelry I bought 20ish years ago, but I'm unsure what else I can try without investing a lot of money at this point.

 

I've read on quite a few posts here that body language plays a big role.  Is this something you've learned to use by watching and copying other people or is there a guide out there somewhere to help with this?

[tracy_j]

I mainly did things by sitting in the mall (for instance) and watching people go by. This for me though served two purposes as I draw and paint people so it was good background research. There is guidance out there. A quick search on Youtube brought up a list of references. I suspect books have been written as well.

 

I think it is something which needs gradual accumulation though, as, unless one is an actor, new movements can appear strange and clumsy at first. They become far more natual with experience.

 

Tracy

[Jani]

You don't have to spend any money to experiment.  Guys really don't wear much if any jewelry.  You can cut your hair a little shorter (it will grow back!) and body language is important.  Guys are not as expressive as women, and generally don't speak with their hands.  Watching others as Tracy notes is a great way to learn.  It can also be an amusing way to spend a few hours! 

[EvanC]

I've tried several little things to test myself and see if they feel right. Body language is a big one. Try sitting with your legs more spread, or let your arms come away from your sides, generally take up more space than you are used to. Women are encouraged to hold their arms and legs in and appear small. Some other things I've done is to buy a pack of men's briefs to wear. That one felt really right to me. Later when I had a couple of men's shirts, I would go out wearing my most masculine clothes and give a male name at the coffee shop for my order. I really knew I was on the right track when I heard them call out that name and thought, oh yes, that's me! I couldn't stop smiling all the way home.

[SugarMagnolia]

Just now, EvanC said:

I really knew I was on the right track when I heard them call out that name and thought, oh yes, that's me! I couldn't stop smiling all the way home.

This just made me smile a lot Evan. That's such a cool feeling especially the first time you hear it!

@EliAtkins I think there's a lot you can try without spending too much. Thrift shops are great resources. A guy's button down with the buttons on the other side is a small thing but might feel meaningful as might wearing a belt the other direction. 

And of course, observing people is great. A lot of guys have a certain lumbering swagger when they walk that is something to consider, too. Have fun with it all!

[EliAtkins]

Thanks all, these are great suggestions!

 

18 hours ago, tracy_j said:

I mainly did things by sitting in the mall (for instance) and watching people go by. This for me though served two purposes as I draw and paint people so it was good background research. There is guidance out there. A quick search on Youtube brought up a list of references. I suspect books have been written as well.

 

Do you happen to remember what specifically you searched for?  I just tried a couple quick internet searches and most of it was how to tell if a man is interested in you, which is not quite what I'm going for...ha.  People watching is something I enjoy doing, but I currently have a toddler so I don't always have a chance to pay attention to other people when we're out in public.

 

@Jani  It's funny you should mention a haircut.  I've actually been wanting to get one for the past few months, but between having a lot on my plate and not being able to decide what length/style I want to get, it hasn't happened yet.  But it's something I'm trying to make a priority.

 

@EvanC  Thanks for the tips, I'll definitely have to try them!  Also, it's great you had that experience.  Part of what set off my desire to test with this is because I think I might have been mistaken for a man.  I was at Target (looking at men's electric razors cause I was getting something for my husband) and a guy approached to flirt with me.  I was dense and didn't realize it at the time.  I just gave a thin smile and a nod when he said hi (he had a big, friendly smile as he said it) and moved to another section of the aisle thinking that I might have been in his way.  He kept sort of hovering and followed when I went to the next aisle.  He complimented my shirt so I thanked him.  As soon as I spoke, he suddenly stopped trying to make eye contact and disappeared quick.  I certainly could be wrong about the interaction, but I definitely left the store with a smile on my face and it still makes me smile to look back on it.

 

@SugarMagnolia  I'm not sure about the shirt (I haven't told my husband I'm questioning my gender yet so I worry about bringing home clothes that are too obviously masculine), but a belt is a great suggestion.  I used to wear them all the time and haven't in years, not since I put on some weight.  I want to get some new t-shirts though (through various wardrobe purges I currently only have 1) since most of my wardrobe is ultra feminine and dressier than is really needed for my current role as a stay at home mom.

[tracy_j]

4 hours ago, EliAtkins said:

 

Do you happen to remember what specifically you searched for?  I just tried a couple quick internet searches and most of it was how to tell if a man is interested in you, which is not quite what I'm going for...ha.  People watching is something I enjoy doing, but I currently have a toddler so I don't always have a chance to pay attention to other people when we're out in pub

 

I would suggest you look up on 'male mannerisms' and 'male body language'.

 

Tracy

[EliAtkins]

@tracy_j  Thanks Tracy, that really helped!

 

 

Just as a general update, I tried using more masculine body language a couple times when I was out this week and it was amazing how I felt because of it.  I felt so much more free and comfortable.  It was probably the first time since I was a kid that I've been able to sit the way I wanted to without fear that someone else won't think I'm being ladylike enough!  Anyway, I finally feel like I might be on the right track with this!

[Jordy]

Sounds great Eli, I hope you keep coming back to share your progress with us!

[EliAtkins]

So far I've mostly been just trying small stuff here and there.  I got some new tshirts and wearing my hair in a low ponytail (until I can get an appointment with my hair dresser to get it cut).  I've been trying to pay more attention to body language of men when I'm out in public and copy when I'm able.  For the most part, a lot of it feels really natural for me.  Although, I definitely need more practice on my swagger.  When I'm not focused on it, I start swaying my hips when I walk, haha.  While I highly doubt I'd be able to pass for a man at this point, I can picture myself as a man and I feel closer to the person I am on the inside than I have been in my entire life.  It is amazing how good that feels!

 

I'm not sure how soon it'll be, but I'm sort of looking ahead to getting more mens clothing.  I do have a question about mens' pants/belts though.  I have an hourglass figure, despite being somewhat short and fat.  My hips are quite a bit wider than my natural waist (approx 10 inches more in my hips than my waist when I measured both) and I'm unsure how to translate this into a clothing size.  Should I use my hip measurement and expect it'll be loose at the waist or do I use the measurement for my natural waist and risk it not fitting over my hips?

 

I don't plan on getting any pants or jeans right away, but I would like to get a belt to wear.

[JJ]

Men's jeans are measured around where they will sit on you basically. Which is below your natural waist. Go for looks and cuts that make you look straighter when possible. Loose shirts and untucked tees help.

Because it is based on where your pants sit you may find a range of sizes fit depending on the cut. I discovered how each brand of jeans fit by going to a thrift store and trying them on. They have unisex dressing rooms and it's common for people to try on different sizes. No one pays any attention. Most of my jeans fit just at the top of my hip bones.

Johnny

[Kole Rickard]

Hello! I am Kole, and to tell you, money isn't really anything you should consider. You can be masc without spending all that money. I don't own a binder and there is not yet surgery and I feel very masc. Despite all the dysphoria I may have, I know in my head I am a male. If you want to portray yourself as a male to others, you could wear baggy clothes if you have a bigger chest size. If you want to, you can study males physical interactions and their anatomy if you desperately wanting to. In my opinion, you don't need money to appear how you want, but that is your own choice. Honestly, I say be yourself. Act how you wanna act and look how you wanna look. Just be who you wanna be. Don't let others tell you how to look or how to act. If you feel masc, act how you would be and be that guy you what to be. <3 

[EliAtkins]

@JJ Thanks, Johnny!  That's actually really helpful!

 

@Kole Rickard I just meant that I didn't want to invest in buying a whole new wardrobe without feeling a little more sure that I want to go in that direction.  Most of my clothes are ultra feminine from 30+ years of trying to force myself to be something I'm not and it's hard for me to feel masculine in it.  But thanks, I appreciate hearing your perspective on it!