Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello. New Here


Me

Recommended Posts

Hello.  I'm nonbinary and closeted in real life.  I want to live openly as me but am concerned about safety.  Since I don't I have real life support, I've been looking online.  It isn't the same as talking to someone face-to-face, but it's better than nothing.  More about me here: https://transvoice.home.blog/

Can anybody relate to wanting to come out despite not living in a very safe place?

Link to comment

Hello Me,

I read your blog. I agree. It is hard to be different.  I am mtf pre-op transwoman.  I feel very out of place trying to live as a man.  Female is how I think, dream and feel.  I love everything about being a woman.  I even choose women as my partners.  I come from a life of being taunted and beat up for being different, but not for being effeminate or girly.  I was different because I had to see a therapist twice a week when my parents divorced when I was four.  After my peers found out I was ostracized and no one wanted to be with me.

With my dad gone, I was surrounded by everything female.  My mother, her women friends, and their daughters that came with them. For some reason they never had sons come with them.  Girls were about the only ones that would play with me.  So throughout my life I was always called names and beat up.  But I rose above it and I found the courage to go out in womens clothes.  It worked for me.  But it isn't the same for everyone.  I still hear about trans and others being killed because they did not fit others' mold.  It is a real fear. That is why there are organizations like SAFE and others that teach to be careful, walk in packs, in the light, learn to use anything as a weapon, even the attacker, make noise if you can, self-defense, etc.  If you are going to be an individual and be yourself, there will be someone you are going to upset and they will want to strike back. That does not mean you hide. That just means you plan and prepare.  When you go out, if you go out,  have a plan. For one, there must be more non-binary like you in your area. Or at least those that are friendly to them.  Search locally for a gender center and see if you can find others that will join you. There have to be androgynous people that you can hang with that will make sure you stay safe. Remember, there is safety in numbers.  Two is ok, but three is better.  

This is only for when you finally decide to go for it.  To be you. Because who you are inside is beautiful and the world needs to see your beauty.

Good luck and if I can help, let me know.  There are others that have been here longer that can help you too.

With love, LouiseRose

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Me,

 

Thank you for your introduction, here and in your blog. There are many people here with similar experiences and are friendly and helpful. I am sure that you will find answers and support to help. Please ask questions as you feel. 

 

Tracy

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Me said:

I want to live openly as me but am concerned about safety.

There is being concerned and there is being paralysed with fear. Your blog post mentions that you have already taken steps to make the outside you match the inside. Which to me sounds like you have conquered some really big fears.

"I like the body I am in now. It’s me. But I don’t like passing as a cisgender man. That’s not me."

I know I live in a relatively safe area where I would most likely just have to deal with verbal abuse unless some drunk men decided to give me "a good kicking" on a drunken Friday night, ? but it worries me enough to really want to blend as my chosen gender when I get brave enough to go out - and really doesn't stop being a fear when out as my assigned birth, I just have more practice at fitting in. 

I recommend only doing what you feel safe to do, but not letting fear of statistics rule your life - you know your area and situation best.

I would ask if you are in contact with a counsellor or therapist who you could talk to? even if they just give you a safe space in real life to just be yourself? ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

I've found a lot of support here. I live in a rather conservative city, and am worried about safety as well. But things are slowly changing.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ??

 

 

Link to comment

I am sorry about your past life. I hope that you have grown stronger with all the negative. I must ask questions though, it kinda confuses me when I hear nonbinary-transgender people speak. Though they are similar, they are very different. Nonbinary is usually someone who doesn't associate their self with any gender. They just stand for their self. They dont really lean on fem or masc. For what I read, you are having trouble with that. Biologically you were a girl. Now you got the surgery and testosterone to fit as a man. Though you do not feel like you are fully a man nor fully a woman. You say you feel too fem to be a guy and too masc to be a girl. I get that. But I am trying to understand how transgender comes into this. Though you are nonbinary, you are transgender. Transgender is usually someone who knows and is confident with what they want. They know they need to be the opposite gender than what they were born with. You got surgery and started T. Those are starts, but you say you are not a guy? For myself, I am FTM. I am positive that that is who I am... This is what I think. You may be gender fluid. They vary from one to another and yet sometimes lean towards both at once. Usually called they/them, they still have control or their look and know what they want to do. I am not trying to start anything, Im just trying to get more of an understandment. I am curious! My name is Kole and if you wanna continue this, email me on [email protected] or pm me on the website. 

Link to comment

Thanks for all the support!  I'm so glad I found this site. 

 

LouiseRose1954, thanks for the advice.  After reading your post, I did a little research.  There's a trans support group that's nonbinary inclusive not far from where I live.  I'm planning on going to their next meeting.

 

DeeDee, I'm not in therapy right now.  Affordability is an issue.  I might be able to find a trans-friendly therapist with sliding scale fees.  So hopefully I can get back into therapy eventually.

 

Kole Rickard, I think I'm using the word transgender more broadly.  Since I was assigned female at birth but don't identify as a girl/woman, I consider myself trans.  In my heart I know I am nonbinary.  But I'm having issues figuring out how to move in the world as a nonbinary person when society demands I be either/or.  Nonbinary to me means not being completely a man or completely a woman.  I think it's possible to identify partially with masculinity and partially with femininity as a nonbinary person.  I think not identifying with gender at all would make someone agender.  I do like the phrase gender fluid.  That kind of describes how I can have more butch moods and more femme moods.  But a lot of the time I feel androgynous which is why I think the word nonbinary fits me best.  This is my best understanding of these words.  Talking about this part of me is new territory for me.  I'm still learning words to describe my experience with. 

Link to comment

Hello Me and welcome!

 

As someone who has been identifying as gender-fluid for the past few years, I can relate to what you're going through.  Personally, I'm in a place where I'm not comfortable with my femininity (or rather lack thereof) and it's been making me question a lot about who I am and who I want to be.  When I posted some questions, a few members here reminded me to not get caught up in labels.  It's something that's easy to do, but you want to find who you're comfortable with being and learn to accept yourself before focusing on how to make others accept you.  You're you and that's great!

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, hon.  I see that you've already found a lot of support, and that's great.  It's what we do here.  Please make yourself at home, and look around the forums for threads that interest you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome!  Please join in.  We're a friendly lot.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

To respond to your response to @Kole Rickard's response, you can still feel androgynous and be genderfluid. That's the beauty of it: you can be anywhere on the spectrum one day, and then completely change the next. There's a term called "transgender agender" which is sometimes called "nonbinary transgender" and Chandler Wilson on YouTube goes into this a lot. I think either that or genderfluid would suit you based off what I've read from you.

 

All the best luck to you!

 

My messages are ALWAYS open!!

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

Link to comment

Alrighty, love. @killjoyaiden 

Its just one of the many things in the community I think is a bit complicated. For myself I'm sticking with that I said before. Transgender to me is someone who is solidly one gender, the opposite gender of what they were assigned with. Nonbinary for me is just none at all. You're just stuck in between, genderless. Neither female or male.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 90 Guests (See full list)

    • Carolyn Marie
    • April Marie
    • EasyE
    • Stacie.H
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Jamey-Heather
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,020
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Tami
    Newest Member
    Tami
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • April Marie
      So many things become easier when you finally turn that corner and see "you" in the mirror. Shedding the guilt, the fear, the questioning becomes possible - as does self-love - when that person looking back at you, irrespective of what you're wearing, is the real you.   I am so happy for you!! Enjoy the journey and where it leads you.
    • MaeBe
      I'm sure even the most transphobic parents would, too. What does it hurt if a child socializes outside of their family in a way that allows them to understand themselves better? I have encountered a handful of kids do the binary, non-binary, back to binary route and they got to learn about themselves. In the end, there may have been some social self-harm but kids are so darned accepting these days. And really, schools aren't policing pronouns, but the laws that are coming out are making them do so--and in turn requiring a report to a parent that may cause some form of harm to the child.   If the kid wants to lie to, or keep secrets from, their parents about their gender expressions, what does it say about the parents? Perhaps a little socialization of their thoughts will give them the personal information to have those conversations with them? So when they do want to have that conversation they can do so with some self-awareness. This isn't a parent's rights issue, it's about forcing a "moral code" onto schools that they must now enforce--in a way that doesn't appreciably assist parents or provide benefit to children.   So, a child that transitioned at 5 and now in middle/high school that is by all rights female must now go into a bathroom full of dudes? What about trans men, how will the be treated in the girl's restroom? I see a lot of fantasy predator fearmongering in this kind of comment. All a trans kid wants to do in a bathroom is to handle their bodily functions in peace. Ideally there would be no gendered restrooms or, at least, a valid option for people to choose a non-gendered restroom. However, where is the actual harm happening? A trans girl in a boy's room is going experience more harm than a girl being uncomfortable about a trans girl going into and out of a stall.   How about we teach our children that trans people aren't predators who are trying to game the system to eek out some sexual deviancy via loophole? How about we treat gender in a way that doesn't enforce the idea that girls are prey and boys are  predators? How about we teach them trans kids are just kids who want to get on with their day like everyone else?
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I hope so and glad he loves and accepts me for who I am
    • EasyE
      It is sad that we can't have more open and honest dialogue on these types of topics because there is worthy debate for sure. But instead we have become a country where the only goal is to seize political power and then legislate our particular agenda and views of morality.   Remember as you read my thoughts below, that I am transgender. OK? I am pro-trans. I am trans.   But my middle school aged daughter would be extremely uncomfortable using a school bathroom also used by a biological male, as would nearly all of her friends. That side has to be considered. It's not invalidating to a trans youth's experience to take that into account and hash out what is for the common good of as many people as possible. This is reality - one person's gender expression makes others uncomfortable, in all directions. And there is disagreement on the best way to handle these types of things.   Why can't we talk about these things openly, without the inevitable name-calling that follows, and let all sides have their input and work up suitable solutions? (I bet the kids, if left alone, would work up the best solutions)... Instead, we go straight to trying to pass laws, as if we need more of those!   And why wouldn't we want parents to know if their child has decided to change their pronouns? That's a big deal and parents are right to raise that as a concern. I certainly would want to know. Not that we need to legislate this, but I would have a hard time with school administrators who try to hide this from me. They are out of line. This is my child. Whether you like my viewpoints or not, I am the parent. Not the school.    Again, I am pro-trans. I am trans. At the same point, I recognize that validating a transgender individual's gender identity doesn't trump everything else in society. And sometimes I see that creeping into these discussions. Plus, we fight a losing battle if we have to have others' validation. We are never going to get it from everybody. Ever. Not even Jesus got it and He is God himself!   This country can be very beautiful as we each exercise our freedom to be who we are and let others do the same. But my freedom ends where yours begins and vice-versa. That requires self-sacrifice. Sometimes we have to fall back out of respect for others. Sometimes we have to let the parent be the parent even if we disagree with their politics.   My cry in the wilderness is just can we please have more open, honest dialogue where both sides try take the other's views into consideration and quit automatically going the legislative route to criminalize the other side's viewpoints.   Sorry for the rant but sometimes all of this wears me out... deep sigh... 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Bite by bite, acrobatics in abdomen
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Yesterday when I put that shirt on I saw a woman looking back out of the mirror at me.  Usually I have looked and been very frustrated because I see a man where there should be a woman.  I was expecting to see a man wearing a woman's shirt, but it was a woman wearing a woman's shirt.   On the spectrum between intersex and trans, I am more thinking I am a lot more intersex than trans, and it is only a matter of time before my wife says "you need a bra" and then "you look like a woman!" She told me whatever I want to do is fine with her, she loves me no matter what, and I am thinking that there may be a lot more for her in this than she could possibly expect. I'm not pushing it with her.
    • Petra Jane
      We have been asked to post this study.   I'm an undergraduate university student in my third year completing a BSc in Anthropology. I'm working on my dissertation, looking at languages with grammatical gender (e.g. languages like Italian and Spanish, nouns are either masculine or feminine). I'm curious if this affects/bothers people with gender identities outside the typical binary of male and female, like non-binary or transgender identities. Using this forum, I would be very grateful if anyone could answer the 5 questions I have put together in a Google form, they are open-ended questions, and you can be as brief or detailed as you want/comfortable with! All responses will also be kept anonymous. As you can probably guess, I came to online forums because finding participants in person is difficult. Talking about gender identities, I understand, can be very personal, so this online anonymised format can be safer. :) If anyone is also particularly interested in this topic, it would be awesome to message one-on-one and do the Google form survey. Having one and one interviews would also be good research! But NONE of this is compulsory, and only if anyone is interested and doesn't mind helping me out and can do so. Institution Supervising Research Study University of Kent Web Address for Study Participation https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdS9zU_dt3RR1V8-3s_0EnDl6w-jsS6-WOZO41uWeqUP0q_YQ/viewform?usp=sf_link
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      @Mia MarieI found this    Here are critical resources to help transgender seniors face the challenges of growing older - LGBTQ Nation   As far as financial aid I came up empty. :( I'm sorry. I can only imagine what you are going through. 
    • Ashley0616
      @Adrianna Daniellecongratulations to you and your boyfriend! Hopefully a future wedding in the future!   @WillowI'm sorry about that he passed away. He sounded like a role model that others should follow.   @MmindyI'm sorry about your head cold! Hopefully it won't last too long and hope for good rest and recovery. 
    • Mmindy
      Good morning Mia,   This is a great question, and I'm looking forward to the input from others.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mia Marie
      I see more and more postings with what the LGBTQ support organizations are doing and I see less and less about helping the older generation of us. All I really see is them wanting to help transgender youths and no matter how many times I ask for help, they tell me they can't help or they tell me the office I contacted only works with the youth only. Is there an organization that helps older transgender people? All I find when I do a search turns out with nothing more than talking about trans youths. I feel as though us older trasn folks are being left out. I applied for financial help in a form of a grant, twice, and was turned down with no explanations of why. They did ask me to help go over applications which told me I was automatically denied. Really doesn't seem fair, does it?  
    • Ivy
      Require students to use bathrooms that align with the gender they were assigned at birth Prohibit transgender girls in seventh grade or older from participating in girls sports or other girls-only activities  Ban gender-affirming health care — including surgery or hormone treatment — for transgender students under age 18, even if parents consent or the treatment is recommended by a doctor Require schools to notify parents if students change their pronouns or otherwise signal they identify as a gender other than what’s on their official student records Doesn't look like it "protects" anybody.  It actually is about restricting trans kids rights.   The ways politicians name their bills etc. is a farce.  Most of the time they do the opposite of what they're called.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...