Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello. New Here


Me

Recommended Posts

Hello.  I'm nonbinary and closeted in real life.  I want to live openly as me but am concerned about safety.  Since I don't I have real life support, I've been looking online.  It isn't the same as talking to someone face-to-face, but it's better than nothing.  More about me here: https://transvoice.home.blog/

Can anybody relate to wanting to come out despite not living in a very safe place?

Link to comment

Hello Me,

I read your blog. I agree. It is hard to be different.  I am mtf pre-op transwoman.  I feel very out of place trying to live as a man.  Female is how I think, dream and feel.  I love everything about being a woman.  I even choose women as my partners.  I come from a life of being taunted and beat up for being different, but not for being effeminate or girly.  I was different because I had to see a therapist twice a week when my parents divorced when I was four.  After my peers found out I was ostracized and no one wanted to be with me.

With my dad gone, I was surrounded by everything female.  My mother, her women friends, and their daughters that came with them. For some reason they never had sons come with them.  Girls were about the only ones that would play with me.  So throughout my life I was always called names and beat up.  But I rose above it and I found the courage to go out in womens clothes.  It worked for me.  But it isn't the same for everyone.  I still hear about trans and others being killed because they did not fit others' mold.  It is a real fear. That is why there are organizations like SAFE and others that teach to be careful, walk in packs, in the light, learn to use anything as a weapon, even the attacker, make noise if you can, self-defense, etc.  If you are going to be an individual and be yourself, there will be someone you are going to upset and they will want to strike back. That does not mean you hide. That just means you plan and prepare.  When you go out, if you go out,  have a plan. For one, there must be more non-binary like you in your area. Or at least those that are friendly to them.  Search locally for a gender center and see if you can find others that will join you. There have to be androgynous people that you can hang with that will make sure you stay safe. Remember, there is safety in numbers.  Two is ok, but three is better.  

This is only for when you finally decide to go for it.  To be you. Because who you are inside is beautiful and the world needs to see your beauty.

Good luck and if I can help, let me know.  There are others that have been here longer that can help you too.

With love, LouiseRose

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Me,

 

Thank you for your introduction, here and in your blog. There are many people here with similar experiences and are friendly and helpful. I am sure that you will find answers and support to help. Please ask questions as you feel. 

 

Tracy

Link to comment
4 hours ago, Me said:

I want to live openly as me but am concerned about safety.

There is being concerned and there is being paralysed with fear. Your blog post mentions that you have already taken steps to make the outside you match the inside. Which to me sounds like you have conquered some really big fears.

"I like the body I am in now. It’s me. But I don’t like passing as a cisgender man. That’s not me."

I know I live in a relatively safe area where I would most likely just have to deal with verbal abuse unless some drunk men decided to give me "a good kicking" on a drunken Friday night, ? but it worries me enough to really want to blend as my chosen gender when I get brave enough to go out - and really doesn't stop being a fear when out as my assigned birth, I just have more practice at fitting in. 

I recommend only doing what you feel safe to do, but not letting fear of statistics rule your life - you know your area and situation best.

I would ask if you are in contact with a counsellor or therapist who you could talk to? even if they just give you a safe space in real life to just be yourself? ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

I've found a lot of support here. I live in a rather conservative city, and am worried about safety as well. But things are slowly changing.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ??

 

 

Link to comment

I am sorry about your past life. I hope that you have grown stronger with all the negative. I must ask questions though, it kinda confuses me when I hear nonbinary-transgender people speak. Though they are similar, they are very different. Nonbinary is usually someone who doesn't associate their self with any gender. They just stand for their self. They dont really lean on fem or masc. For what I read, you are having trouble with that. Biologically you were a girl. Now you got the surgery and testosterone to fit as a man. Though you do not feel like you are fully a man nor fully a woman. You say you feel too fem to be a guy and too masc to be a girl. I get that. But I am trying to understand how transgender comes into this. Though you are nonbinary, you are transgender. Transgender is usually someone who knows and is confident with what they want. They know they need to be the opposite gender than what they were born with. You got surgery and started T. Those are starts, but you say you are not a guy? For myself, I am FTM. I am positive that that is who I am... This is what I think. You may be gender fluid. They vary from one to another and yet sometimes lean towards both at once. Usually called they/them, they still have control or their look and know what they want to do. I am not trying to start anything, Im just trying to get more of an understandment. I am curious! My name is Kole and if you wanna continue this, email me on [email protected] or pm me on the website. 

Link to comment

Thanks for all the support!  I'm so glad I found this site. 

 

LouiseRose1954, thanks for the advice.  After reading your post, I did a little research.  There's a trans support group that's nonbinary inclusive not far from where I live.  I'm planning on going to their next meeting.

 

DeeDee, I'm not in therapy right now.  Affordability is an issue.  I might be able to find a trans-friendly therapist with sliding scale fees.  So hopefully I can get back into therapy eventually.

 

Kole Rickard, I think I'm using the word transgender more broadly.  Since I was assigned female at birth but don't identify as a girl/woman, I consider myself trans.  In my heart I know I am nonbinary.  But I'm having issues figuring out how to move in the world as a nonbinary person when society demands I be either/or.  Nonbinary to me means not being completely a man or completely a woman.  I think it's possible to identify partially with masculinity and partially with femininity as a nonbinary person.  I think not identifying with gender at all would make someone agender.  I do like the phrase gender fluid.  That kind of describes how I can have more butch moods and more femme moods.  But a lot of the time I feel androgynous which is why I think the word nonbinary fits me best.  This is my best understanding of these words.  Talking about this part of me is new territory for me.  I'm still learning words to describe my experience with. 

Link to comment

Hello Me and welcome!

 

As someone who has been identifying as gender-fluid for the past few years, I can relate to what you're going through.  Personally, I'm in a place where I'm not comfortable with my femininity (or rather lack thereof) and it's been making me question a lot about who I am and who I want to be.  When I posted some questions, a few members here reminded me to not get caught up in labels.  It's something that's easy to do, but you want to find who you're comfortable with being and learn to accept yourself before focusing on how to make others accept you.  You're you and that's great!

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, hon.  I see that you've already found a lot of support, and that's great.  It's what we do here.  Please make yourself at home, and look around the forums for threads that interest you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome!  Please join in.  We're a friendly lot.  

 

Jani

Link to comment

To respond to your response to @Kole Rickard's response, you can still feel androgynous and be genderfluid. That's the beauty of it: you can be anywhere on the spectrum one day, and then completely change the next. There's a term called "transgender agender" which is sometimes called "nonbinary transgender" and Chandler Wilson on YouTube goes into this a lot. I think either that or genderfluid would suit you based off what I've read from you.

 

All the best luck to you!

 

My messages are ALWAYS open!!

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

Link to comment

Alrighty, love. @killjoyaiden 

Its just one of the many things in the community I think is a bit complicated. For myself I'm sticking with that I said before. Transgender to me is someone who is solidly one gender, the opposite gender of what they were assigned with. Nonbinary for me is just none at all. You're just stuck in between, genderless. Neither female or male.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 110 Guests (See full list)

    • Carolyn Marie
    • Mmindy
    • EasyE
    • Lorelei
    • KathyLauren
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,945
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      My mother's maiden name is Schwinegruber, and to say that cabbage in all forms of use for our dinner table is an understatement.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Davie
    • EasyE
      So, I jumped on the "E" train last week and am about 10 days into my HRT journey. I have the tiniest patch available. I laughed when I opened it. "This little thing is supposed to give me more feminine characteristics?"   I haven't really felt much of anything so far, not that I expected to at this point. I am really, really tired but that may be other factors (like staying up too late to watch NCAA basketball every night). The one noticeable difference is that my libido seems to be a lot more subdued. Not that I am proud of this, but the big M was a practically a daily part of life for me. My daily comfort and way to get an endorphin hit or just deal with loneliness. The past week, though, has been, "meh." Is that the HRT tamping things down? Or just a normal down cycle for me? Not sure yet. Time will tell.   I have been very quiet about things overall. Only a few people know. No one in my immediate family. I fear the backlash I will get when they find out. Worst- case scenario, my daughters stop talking to me. That would kill me. I hope I can show them over time, "See, I am still me."   Met with my endo on Wednesday. He is good for me to up the dose when I feel comfortable. For now, I think I am going to stand pat and take things nice and slow. Of course, I could see myself tomorrow asking him to send in the script for the higher dose...   I keep asking myself, what is the end game with all of this. Unlike many on here, I don't have a concrete answer yet. I am not convinced I will "go all the way" and change my name and ID, etc. Part of me would love to soldier on just as I am but with a lot more feminine physical characteristics and a more distinctly feminine wardrobe. What does that make me? Non-binary? Not sure.  Again, I am just me, as unorthodox as that is...   All I know is that this is something I want to do. I am comfortable walking this path for now. Again, we'll see. As always, would appreciate any feedback the more experienced folks may have. Blessings to all!    EasyE
    • Ivy
      I grew up with it, my mother's side were Germans.  I still like cabbage.  I make a sweet/sour dish with vinegar and brown sugar, add some bacon if you have it.  And in warmer weather, slaw.  I like that better if it's a few days old, and has worked off a little.
    • Ivy
      Pity that we can't just respect each other and get along.
    • Willow
      Good Friday Morning    I will be spending a good portion of my day at church today.  I don’t know how any of my family would have been with me.  They all passed before I figured myself out.  I often think my mother and sister may have figured it out before I did but maybe it was just my depression that they saw.  I don’t know and never will.  My grandfather Young unconditionally loved me but he passed when I was 9.   Same with my wife’s parents, both gone before.  We’ve never had the greatest relationship with my wife’s brother but we do see them occasionally.  They words and actions aren’t always in sink when it comes to me.   Sour kraut or boil cabbage were never big even with my parents so that was something we were never expected to eat.  Nor was anything with mustard.  My mother hated mustard and it turns my stomach. My wife tried to sneak it into things early in our marriage but I could always tell.  She stopped after a while.   well I wave to go get ready to go to church.  I have a committee meeting at 10 and then we have a Good Friday Service at noon.   Willow
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...