Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I got sober.


Davi W-D

Recommended Posts

Very first ever A.A. meeting was 23 Sep 1975. Back room of a seedy diner on Hampton Blvd in Norfolk VA.


Here is the "WHY".

 

I had finished a 96 hour liberty that my supervisor had given me so I could go out and celebrate my freedom because the woman that made me a man (I didn't figure this out until I had a second marriage fail about 14 years later. But, I stayed sober.) had divorced me.

 

I had gone to medical because I was passing blood from both ends and after he weighed me (126#) the Corpsman asked me how much I drank. I lied, "Just a little." He told me he thought I had 3 choices. 

1. Stop drinking and keep eating and live.

2. Keep drinking and end up squirting baby food into my intestines through a tube in my side.

OR

3.  If I was lucky, I would die quick.

 

I said, "I don't know how to live without drinking." My very first bit of self honesty..

He replied., "Then I guess you are going to die."

"I don't want to die." and he handed me a business card with a Circle and Triangle on one side and a hand written phone number on the other side and said. "Call that number and some will either tell you where to go or come get you and take you to a place where you can find out how to live One Day At A Time without drinking."  

 

I made the call and when I found out where I had to go, I asked for a ride because I had another bit of self honesty. I knew there was no way I could get past 3 miles of strip joints, peep shows, honky tonks, dance halls, show bars, and hookers. Get the movie The Last Detail to see what I am talking about.

 

Here is HOW I was convinced I was an Alcoholic.

 

It was a candle light meeting of WWII and Korean War veterans and everyone except me and another guy the driver picked up were OLD and missing body parts.

I do not remember anything that was said, but, I do remember that everyone seemed happy!!

 

Old and missing body parts and they were happy?? 

 

At the end of the meeting they read the following. 

 

FOR MOST normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt -- and
one more failure.
The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did -- then

would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen --Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!  

 

 

I Understood!!!

Do You??

What convinced you??

To Be Continued with HOW I got sober.

Edited by Carolyn Marie
replaced all caps b/c it's the equivalent of shouting.
Link to comment

I WAS SHOUTING..

 

Shouting the good news that someone does NOT have to be living under a bridge to be an alcoholic. (or addict) You don't need to be a DUI felon. You can be someone in purely powerful mental and emotional turmoil and denial.

 

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous 1st and 2nd Edition (what I started with) has places where they used all caps because they were shouting the good news or to simply get the attention of those living in denial.

 

Quote

FOREWORD TO THE FIRST EDITION (Also in the 2nd Edition)
This is the Foreword as it appeared in the first printing of the first edition in 1939
WE, OF Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and woman who have recovered from a seemingly hope less state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics PRECISELY HOW WE HAVE RECOVERED is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experience s will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person.
And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.

 

Quote

From the 2nd Edition

AFTER ALL, OUR PROBLEMS WERE OF OUR OWN MAKING. (Through my denial.) BOTTLES WERE ONLY A SYMBOL. BESIDES, WE HAVE STOPPED FIGHTING ANYBODY (especially myself) OR ANYTHING (my desire to be who I am). WE HAVE TO! (I was killing myself and I didn't even know it. I went on, even in sobriety, even after I had transitioned,  to unknowingly try to kill myself 2 more times until people that cared about me yelled at me to get my attention and break my denial.)

 

Denial is after all the the root cause of "gender dysphoria".  So I shouted that I understood and shouted asking if someone else understood in the hope of breaking their denial.

 

Dysphoria (from Greek: δύσφορος (dysphoros), δυσ-, difficult, and φέρειν, to bear) is a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany *depression, anxiety, or *agitation. 

How are those words different from these??

Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair

 

My protégés.

I have the honor of having 3 "MTF transexuals" (One with grave emotional and mental disorders like me) that are staying sober. Two for over 10 years (One of those was sent to me by the people at her first meeting who had a total of nearly 200 years of sobriety who decided that I was the perfect person to be her role model for recovery. I could not refuse to work with her.)  and one coming up on five (She lived in her using as a woman. She still has unrealistic beliefs (denial) about what it means to be a woman so she currently lives as a "gay male" killing herself with food. Another of my attempts at death.)

I also have a recovering "white supremacist, gay basher" as a protégé coming up on 11 years and he attends the local once a week "gay AA meeting" with the others. He also has early onset dementia and diabetes related hearing loss so he tends to forget that the rest of us don't need for him to talk very loud to hear him. We understand though that the he talks loud so he can hear himself and maybe not forget how to stay sober.

I have 2 protégés with HIV.

All of them have screamed at me and I have screamed at them and we are all staying sober with the help our individual HP's. Recovery isn't a calm, gentile, quiet process.

I have an FTM, that has unrealistic beliefs (denial) about what it means to be a "male"  that isn't staying sober. She refuses to scream about anything. Thinks that is the sign of being a "bad male".

I have an in the closet either lesbian or bisexual women with grave emotional and mental disorders (like me) that is not staying sober because of her religion induced, (like some of mine) denial. I didn't get past my denial until I was willing to scream at "god". I have hope for her since she has started to scream at me asking me if I think I am "GOD" and when I loudly and firmly say "NO! I am just an alcoholic that is willing to scream at the "god" that was forced on me as a child and it is ok for you to do that too.". She says I am screaming. 

 

I have read several threads in this section that break my heart because the denial is being justified and reinforced by the other posters rather than pointed out.

 

When a child is darting into the street, do you whisper, "stop" to get their attention?

 

Sorry. I am old school AA. The book is my guide.

 

In the next section of my experience on getting sober, probably next week so people have time to digest this thread and maybe read the book,  I will tell the story of the old Marine Gunny Sargent that was missing a leg and how he gave me the instructions for how to get sober.

 

 

* Also words, in the BB. 

Respectfully Davi W-D

Link to comment
  • Admin

Davi -- I need to refer you to our Site and Forum Rules http://www.transgenderpulse.com/community-rules/

as far as post composition and actions by Admins or Moderators that even us other recovering Alcoholic / Addict members follow.  Your enthusiasm and obvious love of the program is showing for sure.  One of our Moderators runs several on-line recovery meetings, including one in our own Chat area.  I will let them introduce themselves in the interests of Anonymity if they wish to.  I have stated that I am an Alcoholic above and I hope you will look back and see some of my posts over the years.  Our rules here are very much like the Traditions of AA in that they give us a ground plan that all can communicate and enjoy under.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

    Welcome Davi.  My name is Charlize and i am an alcoholic.  I remember joining this forum some time ago.  I was fairly new in sobriety with 5 years but with the memory of seeing the "suggested steps" as being critical to living.  When i came here i felt the same way.  I tried to see the wisdom in the rules and eventually appreciated the environment where despite of differences between all the members there was a safety and chance to express oneself about issues long held in the closet.

     We do have a substance abuse meeting in the chatroom every Sunday at 9 eastern.  

There're also TGAA meetings on a list serve with audio, visual Zoom meetings run in a normal AA format 4 nights a week.  I especially enjoy that group where there is very long term sobriety as well as a few new comers who hopefully find some relief from the hell of addiction.

     I'm glad you have joined us here.  A great many trans folk have substance issues so the hand of AA reaching out is critical.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 170 Guests (See full list)

    • April Marie
    • VickySGV
    • taxicab
    • Mmindy
    • Betty K
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...