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ToniTone

By ToniTone,
in Introductions Forum

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ToniTone Germanium Member

ToniTone

Posted
Posted

Hi my name is Tony (though I am considering femenine Toni, I'm not really picky about this). I often go by my musician name Tone or Tones. I'm 32 in mpls. I consider myself androgynous leaning towards fem, or perhaps transfemenine. Forgive me, I'm just starting to open up and explore my gender identity so alot of this context is new to me.

 

I never really identified as the male gender I was born to. When I was in high school and college I'd openly femenize and cross dress carefree. I was happy with that free expression. But in the past decade I fell into some good construction jobs to make ends, and basically compromised my free spirit for the archetype "heteronorm working man". Breaking my back to make wage and just simply live, a facade of who I really am. I lost out in the "American dream."

 

But I'm 32 now. That part of me that denies myself so as to attempt to satisfy familial and societal norms is jaded and dead. I can't keep chasing that, I need to pursue that which will make my life happy and free and full filling. 

 

I'm growing my hair out again and continue to pluck my facial and body hair out. I'm seriously considering a low dose feminizing hrt regimen. I spend a lot of sleepless nights anxiously plucking out abdominal and facial hair, and there's periods where the growth phases are too rapid to keep up with, coinciding with an icky malaise. My ex and I coined this the "male period", which I surmise to be a surge in dht metabolism. I also have this body dysphoria, I don't like my square, masculine frame. I always wish my fat would distribute more to my hips and thighs, but it just kind of forms around the gut and love handles, further exasperating my frame. 

 

I want to get out of this anxiety I lived with my whole life and be more true to myself. But I don't really have any one to talk to about it. I only have one friend in the trans community, but they're kind shy and unsocial. But she's so happy and beautiful and free. I hope she'll open up more, but for now I don't want to interfere with her contentedness. So I'm here. Well anyway, thanks for reading this rambling and adding me y'all! 

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VickySGV Rhodium Member

VickySGV

Posted
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Posted
10 minutes ago, ToniTone said:

I'm seriously considering a low dose feminizing hrt regimen.

 

Please do this ONLY under the care of an M.D. who is part of your total health care team.  Even with that care and a low (according to my friends) dose I developed a Deep Vein Thrombosis which had me hospitalized until they were sure it was not headed for my brain or lungs.  We cannot discuss dosages on this site or about herbal hormones.   Other than that caution, welcome to the Forums and I hope we can help you or just be here to listen.

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Cyndee Iridium Member

Cyndee

Posted
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Posted

Welcome Toni / Tones, tones are wonderful, tones are telling, we like tones, oh those overtones.....:)

 

Have a look around our forums and do post away as the mood strikes....

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

 

 

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ToniTone Germanium Member

ToniTone

Posted
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Posted

Thanks for the warm welcome y'all! Yeah, I intend on going about it by medical protocol proper. I'll follow the rules here. Thanks y'all! 

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Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
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Welcome to Trans Pulse,. Toni.  I know you've had to wait to find yourself, but that is something that most of us went through.  Believe me when I say that it is worth the wait.  Please look around the forums and post in whatever thread seems interesting, or start some of your own.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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ToniTone Germanium Member

ToniTone

Posted
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Posted

Thanks for all your support y'all! It's great that there's forums like this so folks like me who are just starting to explore themselves don't have to be alone in it. I was kinda scared about that, which is what brought me here. 

 

I have friends in art and punk rock circles who are open minded and inclusive, if not immersed. And indeed I've relayed my identity some with acceptance. But still I have alot to learn as I embrace my self and this community. Thanks again y'all! ❤️

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Timber Wolf Rhenium Member

Timber Wolf

Posted
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Posted

Hi Toni,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ??

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Jani Iridium Member

Jani

Posted
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Welcome aboard Toni!  I'm glad you found us too! 

 

Jani

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