A True Friend

[Tessa]

Last night I came out to my friend and I let Tessa out the whole time. She was sweet and kind. He accepted her with open arms. That’s a true friend! He said I would make a pretty woman. I have now shared with him a very secret part of my life. He did say though I might have split personalities. Tessa in my mind is a young beautiful woman that wants to be accepted. Tessa is very innocent but she accepts her place. 

She has come out of the shadows but she could easily go back in. Some days I want her more than others. The world may never understand the complexity of Tessa. When I look at myself I’m beginning to only see her and the man fades to the background. I feel good when I’m Tessa. It’s like my brain matches the body that I know is a man’s body but with a long wig, woman’s clothes, and a changed voice I become her! My life is so complicated. Many don’t even try to search. I’m searching....

 

love 

 

Tessa?‍?

[Cyndee]

Congrats on having a supportive friend Tessa, there is a risk you take when coming out. A true friend will not care what gender you are really. I hope this strengthens your friendship going forward. Exploring who you are can be very enriching, like you said most people don't even try and have no need. Be well

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee -

[Tessa]

My friend let me dress as Tessa again. It felt so good. He is very supportive of this part of me. My family is not so supportive. I also showed my mom my dresses last night. She told me they were pretty. It will take time for fam to understand. 

 

Tessa

[VickySGV]

23 minutes ago, Tessa said:

It will take time for fam to understand. 

 

The family may never understand and they need to know that understanding is optional, what they really need is to just be loving and accepting of YOU which is Tessa.  If your friend is Cis he may never understand you either, but he is accepting.  Just a little difference there, but it keeps your mind where it needs to be.

[Tessa]

Vicky, 

 

Thanks for that. Your right family and people may never understand. I don’t think I would transition all the way but I feel it will take a special person to love me. My female side far out weighs my male side. 

 

I have to recreate the world around me to fit into my life. When I was married everything was about pleasing her. I was scared I would lose her toward the middle of our marriage so I gave into her every wish. I pushed myself out of the inner circle and became an outcast of my own family. Working 2 jobs to try to keep everything we had. She then refused to love me and all of her effection was on the children and things not me. Soon I was rejected and love left our marriage. 

 

My sweet loving side was pushed away and now it was a life of demands. I was blamed if anything went wrong and she told my children I was a bad father. I could not fight this demanding and demeaning personality so one day I stood up for myself and then it was overs. The next e years I would fight for my children and for a place to live. 

 

I secretly when I was married would put her clothes on. She worked the graveyard shift. I thought it w that I missed her but now I know it was my female side wanting to come out. I was told this was wrong because I need to be a man. I feel she stole a lot of my masculinity if that’s even possible? 

 

Now, I’m free! Free to express and explore that side of me that was locked away. I love to feel beautiful and desired. Life has not been a bed of roses but I’m not under a tirant anymore. I am free to be my crazy beautiful self! She has a boyfriend now and I’m a little jealous because I can’t find anyone but I will be happy for her. 

 

Watching someone with my kids is hard to take. Knowing your being replaced. I’ve said to much. Just a lot on my mind lately

 

love 

 

Tessa 

[Tessa]

I went to my second meeting at P Flag. Everyone is very nice there. I haven’t dressed completely like Tessa there but everyone knows me as her. I’ve told myself lately that I need to put on outfits that make me feel good. This means I’m dressing for me not other people. I love doing my nails and many people have complimented me on them as well as my outfits. I do a mix of colors and styles both woman’s and men’s. I think I am mixed between woman and men and I can relate to both. When I want to be romantic I am a woman and I mainly do woman things like draw, color, write, and shop. I have had to cut down the shopping though. I love my diamond and ruby rings and where them everyday. 

 

My friend has put limits on me dressing as Tessa. When we hang out he wants me to only dress fully like her every other time I see him. I find this controlling but I understand he’s still getting use to Tessa. 

 

For me it’s dressing to impress who I am. I want to reflect the person inside of me regardless of what the world thinks. I feel I’m here on this earth as an ambassador of love and beauty. This world can be so dark and lonely even a little light will take away the darkness. Tessa is a beautiful soul that is able to enjoy the beauty in the world and in people! Her personality is full of compassion and love for all! 

 

Strangers open their hard lives to me without me asking. I sit and color and they come to me. Why? Would it be any different if I put on my wig and wore a dress?  I like the way I am and I am learning the change is in my mind. 

 

I look how people dress and it is sometimes disgusting. People don’t take care of themselves very well. I’m not judging just observing. I love to dress good all the time regardless of its men’s or woman’s clothes. 

 

I’m rambling now.

 

Tessa