Can it be "too late" to be transgendered?

[SomepersonMT]

I'm 18 now and am beginning to come out but I only came to the suspicion of being transgendered when I was 16 (before 16 I just had repressed feelings thoughts)

 

Due to my age I feel like I'm just trying to be trendy or am just confused because I see all these other transgendered persons who knew they were transgendered since they were around 10 . And it feels like my gender dysphoria isnt strong enough to be transgendered.

[Charlize]

I was 63 when, after therapy and a lifetime of having on and off gender issues, i went full time.  !8 is certainly not too old.  Age is not an issue as is the certainty that therapy may give you.  Doubts are pretty much a part of self discovery.  Time and a thorough look at my story with a GT gave me a path.  Even if you are questioning  it may well be worth continuing to reach out.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[VickySGV]

While we fight  like a Trojan to find reasons we are not Trans, the Gender Dysphoria is consistently, persistently and insistently working on us if it is there at all.  If you have even the tiniest piece of wonder about your gender, you are not Cis gender at any age, Cis folks NEVER have it hit them even one smidgen.  Age of your realization that you have GD is not important.  I did not even have the concept of what had been on my mind for years because it was not until I was in my late 40's that Gender Dysphoria existed, and then it was first a mental disorder called Gender Identity Disorder., and I was not that type of crazy.  I am 71 now and on HRT for nearly 10 years and fully out for all of that time. 

Your adventure, and it is an adventure, is to find out, not if, but how far you will have to go to be comfortable in your own skin, and own behaviors as to clothing and social presentation and all that goes with it. I do suggest getting a therapist who deals with gender issues to help you as far as you need to go.

[Moira Arista]

NEVER! As a MtF I waited till I was almost 35. I waited till I had a place of my own to live in.  If I had come out at my parents house it could've been very bad.

[KymmieL]

It wasn't till I was 53 that I truly realized that I am really a girl. Looking back on my past I can remember some moments that I may have been one. It took my over half a century to realize it. So no it is never too late.

 

Even some of the markers where there too. I never gave them a second thought until now.

 

Kymmie

[Dana Michelle]

I kind of knew I was transgender when I was 8 or 9, but didn't really know until I was 15. My mom thinks that since I didn't show signs in early childhood (like trying on her clothes) that I am not transgender. I think my mom's knowledge is outdated.

 

I've also worried that my gender dysphoria isn't strong enough to transition. I have started transitioning (HRT for 18 months) and only regret not starting sooner.

 

 

[Lexi C]

Hey everyone here ( and I will put down everything I have) is or has gone through what you are feeling...I am 55 (  A hot 55, but never the less) , on month 8 of HRT , and as some many of ladies mention ; I wish I would of start in my teens it make a big difference..Be Proud, Stay safe and Kick Ass....Be somebody,,not just some..

[Amanda Thomas]

I am 52 and have similar questions/issues, like "-what the heck-? I'm too old to begin transitioning! I will look like a complete clown, it will disrupt my life too much, how will I survive???" Gender dysphoria has haunted me for most of my life but it is still so terrifying confronting myself fully and committing to who I really am full-time. It seems that having some sort of support is key. Therapy, supportive friends and family, a society or at least local area which has some protections in place, where there is tolerance and support are all important factors in my opinion. At the moment, I don't really have any of these. But it is inspiring to see such brave, positive people here. 

[Jani]

Amanda I am saddened to read of your situation.  I hope you can find some solace in this forum and in your personal belief in who you are.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[Susan R]

Amanda,  we all come to the realization about who we are at different times in our lives.  Many feel it differently than others.  Indoctrination and propaganda by society sometimes get in the way of this realization and create a fear of the truth about ourselves.  Don't let this 'age thing' become your barrier.  I went back and forth many times and many others here have done the same.  I was 56 when I finally said enough is enough.  I decided to take the first steps toward becoming who I am a year ago.  You have a lot of time to decide who you are. So the short answer to your question is...No, it's never too late to be yourself!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

[Amanda Thomas]

On 10/13/2019 at 4:21 PM, Jani said:

Amanda I am saddened to read of your situation.  I hope you can find some solace in this forum and in your personal belief in who you are.  

 

Hugs, Jani

Thank you for your kind support Jani. More and more, I'm reaching the point that I realize I can't go back to my old life no matter what I do. Strangely, this is a source of courage. I have to move forward now and I feel a strange sort of calm knowing that my transition is beginning no matter what I try to do to stop it. It seems I am not letting my fear stop me from living anymore.

[Josie Beth]

I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already.  So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into. 

[TommieAnne]

On 10/18/2019 at 6:04 PM, Amanda Thomas said:

Thank you for your kind support Jani. More and more, I'm reaching the point that I realize I can't go back to my old life no matter what I do. Strangely, this is a source of courage. I have to move forward now and I feel a strange sort of calm knowing that my transition is beginning no matter what I try to do to stop it. It seems I am not letting my fear stop me from living anymore.

Amanda, if it's any consolation I waited until my late 60s to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to be. Too late?

Never!

Although I'm past the point of being a "hottie" college girl, people always think I'm a decade or two younger than I am. You have to be true to yourself.

[Dannie]

Amanda I am 59 and just started gender therapy I know it’s not to late ?

[Jani]

Not to sidetrack this thread @Dannie but I see you're new here.  Please I check out the Introduction sub-forum and let us know a little about yourself!  

Jani

[Amanda Thomas]

On 10/19/2019 at 6:02 PM, Josie Beth said:

I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already.  So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into. 

Hi Josie Beth, 

 

Thank you for your deep, thoughtful discussion of your struggle and hope. I appreciate how eloquent you are. I, too, enjoy feeling like "one of the girls" here and look forward to more as I continue my journey. I really need to work on having more faith in the process and believing that I am strong enough for the struggle ahead. I see that you are in what I would regard as a difficult part of the country. My main concern is being able to support myself and remain safe in a part of the world which is far less tolerant. Exploring other options such as returning to America or moving on to a more tolerant third country are daunting as well. 

 

Anyway, thanks again and I look forward to hearing more from you.

 

Amanda

[Amanda Thomas]

On 10/21/2019 at 5:36 PM, Dannie said:

Amanda I am 59 and just started gender therapy I know it’s not to late ?

Thanks Dannie! I am not actually that concerned about my age truthfully. I'm still pretty hot! I am concerned about continuing to work after I start transitioning

[Amanda Thomas]

On 10/21/2019 at 2:52 PM, TammyAnne said:

Amanda, if it's any consolation I waited until my late 60s to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to be. Too late?

Never!

Although I'm past the point of being a "hottie" college girl, people always think I'm a decade or two younger than I am. You have to be true to yourself.

Thanks for the encouragement Tammy Anne! Yes, I do have to be true to myself, which is why I'm not sweeping it under the rug as I've done so many times throughout my life.

[ShawnaLeigh]

On 10/13/2019 at 7:19 AM, Amanda Thomas said:

am 52 and have similar questions/issues, like "-what the heck-? I'm too old to begin transitioning! I will look like a complete clown, it will disrupt my life too much, how will I survive???"

I am in the exact same boat.  Same age same questions.  I just went to therapy for the first time last Friday.  Let me tell you how much and long the tears were flowing.  Like days.  I was ripped open and all my fears were dumping out.  

I still have a very long road.  I am not out to anyone except my therapist and the folks here.  Coming out to the masses does not scare me. My children even.  Not even my mother.   Coming out to my wife is crippling me.  She is my only means to survive.  Literally.  I would not make it financially, emotionally or mentally if I lost her and she does not know about any of this.  

This has been the single most life saving place I have found. So much love and respect and help here.  No judgements and the sky is the limit within reason and respect.

I love it here.

 

[Amanda Thomas]

On 10/28/2019 at 2:32 PM, ShawnaLeigh said:

I am in the exact same boat.  Same age same questions.  I just went to therapy for the first time last Friday.  Let me tell you how much and long the tears were flowing.  Like days.  I was ripped open and all my fears were dumping out.  

I still have a very long road.  I am not out to anyone except my therapist and the folks here.  Coming out to the masses does not scare me. My children even.  Not even my mother.   Coming out to my wife is crippling me.  She is my only means to survive.  Literally.  I would not make it financially, emotionally or mentally if I lost her and she does not know about any of this.  

This has been the single most life saving place I have found. So much love and respect and help here.  No judgements and the sky is the limit within reason and respect.

I love it here.

 

Ugh! I can feel your pain

[ShawnaLeigh]

45 minutes ago, Amanda Thomas said:

Ugh! I can feel your pain

Believe it or not Amanda Thomas this is one of the biggest therapeutic things about this forum that has helped me.  I am not weird.  Not strange. I am NOT ALONE in how I feel.

You aren't either.

[Josie Beth]

@Amanda Thomas I too am concerned about being able to support myself but I’m not going to let that deter me from being true to myself. It has not been easy to find employment that is beneficial to my mental health or will allow me to do the things I need to benefit my transitioning in the best possible way. I have been torn between making enough money for it to be more financially possible and yet be under a lot of unhealthy stress, or barely scraping by but also in a more conducive environment that doesn’t work against it. It’s definitely not an easy thing. Sometimes I’m afraid that I will have to stop everything again. I’m not even sure how I manage to pull everything together sometimes. I just know that without the moral support I have found here and in a few other places that I probably would not have been able to persevere. All of the little pieces of hope I find keep pushing me along.  Whether it’s because I can identify with someone else or I see how far others have gone and gain motivation from it, it’s just enough. It’s affirming in several small ways. I’m not even sure where my train of thought was going when I started writing a reply last night but I’m hoping I didn’t miss the point. Anyway. I also realize that I have to be more careful as I progress. I’m not going to place myself in danger. I think more about what route I take home to maximize my personal safety. I don’t talk to strangers because they might perceive one thing as I walk by but realize something else if I start to talk. As time goes by I get more cat calls and whistles from guys who maybe want my number but I’m sure if they saw me closer then I’d be in peril. So I avoid those things. I realize that my strength isn’t what it used to be so I’m not going to place myself in any situation that will force me to use it. It’s a whole different point of view than before. I’m not as fearless. It’s a different set of instincts. But I’m also better suited to them. They just fit better than the costume I was in by default for so many years. 

 

Then there’s little things that I see from time to time. Like last night I caught a glimpse of a transgender couple, one mtf and the other ftm. I met them at the local support group. They are both progressing very well and I was not fast enough to catch them before they got too far down the street. I saw the confidence in them both. Last year I couldn’t have even imagined either one of them making it that far. But there they were, still together. And even though I missed the opportunity to talk to them, I quite enjoyed just letting the moment be.

[ShawnaLeigh]

Josie Beth Is always so spot on to how I feel and says the things Id like to say.  She is amazing.  She is gorgeous,  and I look up to her mentality of our issues and our personal journeys.  She is an inspirational lady to me.

Thank you Josie Beth...