Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Can it be "too late" to be transgendered?


SomepersonMT

Recommended Posts

I'm 18 now and am beginning to come out but I only came to the suspicion of being transgendered when I was 16 (before 16 I just had repressed feelings thoughts)

 

Due to my age I feel like I'm just trying to be trendy or am just confused because I see all these other transgendered persons who knew they were transgendered since they were around 10 . And it feels like my gender dysphoria isnt strong enough to be transgendered.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I was 63 when, after therapy and a lifetime of having on and off gender issues, i went full time.  !8 is certainly not too old.  Age is not an issue as is the certainty that therapy may give you.  Doubts are pretty much a part of self discovery.  Time and a thorough look at my story with a GT gave me a path.  Even if you are questioning  it may well be worth continuing to reach out.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Admin

While we fight  like a Trojan to find reasons we are not Trans, the Gender Dysphoria is consistently, persistently and insistently working on us if it is there at all.  If you have even the tiniest piece of wonder about your gender, you are not Cis gender at any age, Cis folks NEVER have it hit them even one smidgen.  Age of your realization that you have GD is not important.  I did not even have the concept of what had been on my mind for years because it was not until I was in my late 40's that Gender Dysphoria existed, and then it was first a mental disorder called Gender Identity Disorder., and I was not that type of crazy.  I am 71 now and on HRT for nearly 10 years and fully out for all of that time. 

Your adventure, and it is an adventure, is to find out, not if, but how far you will have to go to be comfortable in your own skin, and own behaviors as to clothing and social presentation and all that goes with it. I do suggest getting a therapist who deals with gender issues to help you as far as you need to go.

Link to comment
  • 5 months later...

NEVER! As a MtF I waited till I was almost 35. I waited till I had a place of my own to live in.  If I had come out at my parents house it could've been very bad.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It wasn't till I was 53 that I truly realized that I am really a girl. Looking back on my past I can remember some moments that I may have been one. It took my over half a century to realize it. So no it is never too late.

 

Even some of the markers where there too. I never gave them a second thought until now.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment

I kind of knew I was transgender when I was 8 or 9, but didn't really know until I was 15. My mom thinks that since I didn't show signs in early childhood (like trying on her clothes) that I am not transgender. I think my mom's knowledge is outdated.

 

I've also worried that my gender dysphoria isn't strong enough to transition. I have started transitioning (HRT for 18 months) and only regret not starting sooner.

 

 

Link to comment

Hey everyone here ( and I will put down everything I have) is or has gone through what you are feeling...I am 55 (  A hot 55, but never the less) , on month 8 of HRT , and as some many of ladies mention ; I wish I would of start in my teens it make a big difference..Be Proud, Stay safe and Kick Ass....Be somebody,,not just some..

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I am 52 and have similar questions/issues, like "-what the heck-? I'm too old to begin transitioning! I will look like a complete clown, it will disrupt my life too much, how will I survive???" Gender dysphoria has haunted me for most of my life but it is still so terrifying confronting myself fully and committing to who I really am full-time. It seems that having some sort of support is key. Therapy, supportive friends and family, a society or at least local area which has some protections in place, where there is tolerance and support are all important factors in my opinion. At the moment, I don't really have any of these. But it is inspiring to see such brave, positive people here. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Amanda I am saddened to read of your situation.  I hope you can find some solace in this forum and in your personal belief in who you are.  

 

Hugs, Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Amanda,  we all come to the realization about who we are at different times in our lives.  Many feel it differently than others.  Indoctrination and propaganda by society sometimes get in the way of this realization and create a fear of the truth about ourselves.  Don't let this 'age thing' become your barrier.  I went back and forth many times and many others here have done the same.  I was 56 when I finally said enough is enough.  I decided to take the first steps toward becoming who I am a year ago.  You have a lot of time to decide who you are. So the short answer to your question is...No, it's never too late to be yourself!

 

Warmest Regards,

Susan R?

Link to comment
On 10/13/2019 at 4:21 PM, Jani said:

Amanda I am saddened to read of your situation.  I hope you can find some solace in this forum and in your personal belief in who you are.  

 

Hugs, Jani

Thank you for your kind support Jani. More and more, I'm reaching the point that I realize I can't go back to my old life no matter what I do. Strangely, this is a source of courage. I have to move forward now and I feel a strange sort of calm knowing that my transition is beginning no matter what I try to do to stop it. It seems I am not letting my fear stop me from living anymore.

Link to comment

I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already.  So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into. 

Link to comment
On 10/18/2019 at 6:04 PM, Amanda Thomas said:

Thank you for your kind support Jani. More and more, I'm reaching the point that I realize I can't go back to my old life no matter what I do. Strangely, this is a source of courage. I have to move forward now and I feel a strange sort of calm knowing that my transition is beginning no matter what I try to do to stop it. It seems I am not letting my fear stop me from living anymore.

Amanda, if it's any consolation I waited until my late 60s to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to be. Too late?

Never!

Although I'm past the point of being a "hottie" college girl, people always think I'm a decade or two younger than I am. You have to be true to yourself.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Not to sidetrack this thread @Dannie but I see you're new here.  Please I check out the Introduction sub-forum and let us know a little about yourself!  

Jani

Link to comment
On 10/19/2019 at 6:02 PM, Josie Beth said:

I’ve known other transgender people throughout my life who only question why they have to go through the struggle of becoming someone that people see and respect as the gender they feel like. Many of us have come to the realization early on but some later. Whether it’s personal trauma that starts this introspection or just not feeling correct in the gender we are assigned, it’s a very personal thing. I’ve also encountered very few people who have said they detransitioned willingly but usually they were ftm. This idea that trans trenderism is the only reason people are transitioning is from people who oversimplify everything. But the truth is that since we live in a complex world that complicates things for us, there’s no easy answer for anything in life. Even though I knew from a fairly early age that something wasn’t right I didn’t know what to call it. But once I did it was this realization that “this is possible” and a sense of relief that there was a way. That was around 16, but it took another 14 years of personal struggle and ignoring certain cues because of social pressure until I finally found that HRT was the only thing that chemically made me feel normal. Then when I went through a bunch of craziness for another 16 years that prevented me from continuing my HRT I was devastated, tired, broken, struggling and unsatisfied with my life. I just didn’t realize it again until everything came crashing down on me and I grieved for what seems like weeks. So now after taking the long way around back to the same thing I so easily accepted about myself earlier in life I decided to stop running from it, procrastinating, or trying to fit this false image others have of me. While it’s never too late to begin, it’s also futile to try explaining it away because it’s something that won’t go away. It lingers. It’s constantly in the back of my mind. And it’s not necessarily the need to present feminine and that’s it. It’s so much more. When I looked at my personal thoughts, attitudes about certain issues, my opinions, how I view love and other people, relationships, it really sunk in that my mind is female already.  So now it’s just a matter of aligning the rest of me. Is it more difficult than if I had not been so dense about it at 18? Sure. But it’s something that I’m deeply compelled to pursue. It’s very much a spiritual journey with physical aspects. My life is an object lesson. Not about learning too late, but what happens when I let others question my deep seated sense of myself and stop listening to the inner voice that knows better than they ever will. It’s not really for me to find out why it seems so prevalent today. What is important is being who I really am. Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t recognize myself because I don’t see what I want: dysphoria. But some days I see the girl that has always been there. It’s those days that I feel encouraged and renew my determination. To put it in perspective, I don’t have any real life transgender friends around me for support. It’s been difficult to fit the groups and other social activities in for the past year. So nobody can say that what I feel is a result of mimicking others. On the other hand I do find comfort and social interaction with other trans women here and in the discord chat. I come here for the more thoughtful outlet and go on discord for the fun, silly chat where I can laugh and be just one of the girls. They definitely fill a void. Anyway I can be very wordy so I’ll stop writing for now. Just know that what you feel inside is more important than the costumes others try to put you into. 

Hi Josie Beth, 

 

Thank you for your deep, thoughtful discussion of your struggle and hope. I appreciate how eloquent you are. I, too, enjoy feeling like "one of the girls" here and look forward to more as I continue my journey. I really need to work on having more faith in the process and believing that I am strong enough for the struggle ahead. I see that you are in what I would regard as a difficult part of the country. My main concern is being able to support myself and remain safe in a part of the world which is far less tolerant. Exploring other options such as returning to America or moving on to a more tolerant third country are daunting as well. 

 

Anyway, thanks again and I look forward to hearing more from you. :)

 

Amanda

Link to comment
On 10/21/2019 at 5:36 PM, Dannie said:

Amanda I am 59 and just started gender therapy I know it’s not to late ?

Thanks Dannie! I am not actually that concerned about my age truthfully. I'm still pretty hot! :D I am concerned about continuing to work after I start transitioning :(

Link to comment
On 10/21/2019 at 2:52 PM, TammyAnne said:

Amanda, if it's any consolation I waited until my late 60s to figure out who I am and what I am supposed to be. Too late?

Never!

Although I'm past the point of being a "hottie" college girl, people always think I'm a decade or two younger than I am. You have to be true to yourself.

Thanks for the encouragement Tammy Anne! Yes, I do have to be true to myself, which is why I'm not sweeping it under the rug as I've done so many times throughout my life. :P

Link to comment
On 10/13/2019 at 7:19 AM, Amanda Thomas said:

am 52 and have similar questions/issues, like "-what the heck-? I'm too old to begin transitioning! I will look like a complete clown, it will disrupt my life too much, how will I survive???"

I am in the exact same boat.  Same age same questions.  I just went to therapy for the first time last Friday.  Let me tell you how much and long the tears were flowing.  Like days.  I was ripped open and all my fears were dumping out.  

I still have a very long road.  I am not out to anyone except my therapist and the folks here.  Coming out to the masses does not scare me. My children even.  Not even my mother.   Coming out to my wife is crippling me.  She is my only means to survive.  Literally.  I would not make it financially, emotionally or mentally if I lost her and she does not know about any of this.  

This has been the single most life saving place I have found. So much love and respect and help here.  No judgements and the sky is the limit within reason and respect.

I love it here.

 

Link to comment
On 10/28/2019 at 2:32 PM, ShawnaLeigh said:

I am in the exact same boat.  Same age same questions.  I just went to therapy for the first time last Friday.  Let me tell you how much and long the tears were flowing.  Like days.  I was ripped open and all my fears were dumping out.  

I still have a very long road.  I am not out to anyone except my therapist and the folks here.  Coming out to the masses does not scare me. My children even.  Not even my mother.   Coming out to my wife is crippling me.  She is my only means to survive.  Literally.  I would not make it financially, emotionally or mentally if I lost her and she does not know about any of this.  

This has been the single most life saving place I have found. So much love and respect and help here.  No judgements and the sky is the limit within reason and respect.

I love it here.

 

Ugh! I can feel your pain :(

Link to comment
45 minutes ago, Amanda Thomas said:

Ugh! I can feel your pain :(

Believe it or not Amanda Thomas this is one of the biggest therapeutic things about this forum that has helped me.  I am not weird.  Not strange. I am NOT ALONE in how I feel.

You aren't either.

Link to comment

@Amanda Thomas I too am concerned about being able to support myself but I’m not going to let that deter me from being true to myself. It has not been easy to find employment that is beneficial to my mental health or will allow me to do the things I need to benefit my transitioning in the best possible way. I have been torn between making enough money for it to be more financially possible and yet be under a lot of unhealthy stress, or barely scraping by but also in a more conducive environment that doesn’t work against it. It’s definitely not an easy thing. Sometimes I’m afraid that I will have to stop everything again. I’m not even sure how I manage to pull everything together sometimes. I just know that without the moral support I have found here and in a few other places that I probably would not have been able to persevere. All of the little pieces of hope I find keep pushing me along.  Whether it’s because I can identify with someone else or I see how far others have gone and gain motivation from it, it’s just enough. It’s affirming in several small ways. I’m not even sure where my train of thought was going when I started writing a reply last night but I’m hoping I didn’t miss the point. Anyway. I also realize that I have to be more careful as I progress. I’m not going to place myself in danger. I think more about what route I take home to maximize my personal safety. I don’t talk to strangers because they might perceive one thing as I walk by but realize something else if I start to talk. As time goes by I get more cat calls and whistles from guys who maybe want my number but I’m sure if they saw me closer then I’d be in peril. So I avoid those things. I realize that my strength isn’t what it used to be so I’m not going to place myself in any situation that will force me to use it. It’s a whole different point of view than before. I’m not as fearless. It’s a different set of instincts. But I’m also better suited to them. They just fit better than the costume I was in by default for so many years. 

 

Then there’s little things that I see from time to time. Like last night I caught a glimpse of a transgender couple, one mtf and the other ftm. I met them at the local support group. They are both progressing very well and I was not fast enough to catch them before they got too far down the street. I saw the confidence in them both. Last year I couldn’t have even imagined either one of them making it that far. But there they were, still together. And even though I missed the opportunity to talk to them, I quite enjoyed just letting the moment be.

Link to comment

Josie Beth Is always so spot on to how I feel and says the things Id like to say.  She is amazing.  She is gorgeous,  and I look up to her mentality of our issues and our personal journeys.  She is an inspirational lady to me.

Thank you Josie Beth...

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 156 Guests (See full list)

    • Davie
    • RaineOnYourParade
    • AllieJ
    • Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • Betty K
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • RaineOnYourParade
      Basically my only source of validation is from close friends who know I'm trans 😅   I'm not a very masculine-looking guy in general, and I've had to stop binding due to pain, so strangers and physical validation aren't things I can get. My family still uses she/her pronouns and female terms with me, so there's not much validation at home, either.   I'm grateful I have friends that are willing to use my pronouns and such, though. It makes me feel a lot better.
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • violet r
      This is a question I ask myself all the time. When I'm out I hope that I can some what pass
    • violet r
      I use my  chosen name online and when ever I can. I play some online game and only go by that name. That is how everyone there know me. Yes it does feel great to be called the name you prefer. 
    • Breezy Victor
      I was ten years old when my mom walked in on me frolicking around my room dressed up in her bra, panties, and some pantyhose. I had been doing this in the privacy of my bedroom for a little while now so I had my own little stash box I kept full of different panties, bras, etc ... of hers. My mom's underwear was so easy for me to come by and she was a very attractive woman, classy, elegant. Well when she walked in on me, she looked at me with disgust and said to me... "If I wanted to run around like mommy's little girl instead of mommy's little boy, then she was going to treat me like mommy's little girl."  She left my bedroom after telling me NOT to change or get dressed or anything and returned with a few of her work skirts and blouses and such. She made me model off her outfits for her and I have to admit ... I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT. I felt so sexy, and feminine. And she knew I loved it.  She told me we can do this every weekend if I'd like. It would be OUR little secret. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      The usual social ways, of course.  Taking care of my partners and stepkids, being involved in my community.  That makes me feel good about my role.   As for physical validation and gender... probably the most euphoric experience is sex.  I grew up with my mother telling me that my flat and boyish body was strange, that my intersex anatomy was shameful, that no man would want me. So experiencing what I was told I could never have is physical proof that I'm actually worth something.  
    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...