On the topic of openly and blatantly defying my parents.

[My name isn’t Megan]

I’m a 21 year old acting student currently living with my parents. I’m not anticipating having my own place until I’ve finished my classes. I desperately want to start experimenting with different clothes (specifically girly underwear and socks to start!), but my mother has made her stance on this very clear; she doesn’t approve of it. 

 

I’ve tried multiple times to see if there is a middle ground that can be struck so we both feel comfortable with this step, but to no avail. 

 

I have ave a strong desire to express this part of myself, but I’m afraid of what will happen if I actually go through with it. At present, my options are:

A). Express myself as I’ve wanted to for a long time now, at the risk of alienating/upsetting my mother

Or

B). Suppressing my desires for the sake of stability at home, but at the cost of feeling more and more depressed as the days go on. 

 

It’s a real ‘damned if I do, damned if I don’t’ situation. I want to keep good relations with my folks, but I want to take care of myself better. 

 

As for my limits? I don’t do deception or secrecy. I don’t plan to go behind her back on this stuff. And I want to avoid a confrontation ending in a rift between us at all costs. 

 

So I ask you, dear reader, for advice on how to move forward. 

 

Do I get what I need to get, and face the consequences?

 

Do I bide my time and hope things get better?

 

Is there something I’m not considering?

 

Any helpful advice or commentary is welcome!

 

Thanks for reading ❤️

 

 

[My name isn’t Megan]

It’s less about leaving home, and moreso about how far I’m willing to go with the expression of my transgender feelings while I am home. I’m financially dependent on my parents for the foreseeable future, at least until I’m done with my classes. And I do want a good relationship with them, but it’s really difficult when I have to weigh my own happiness against theirs. Until they come to terms with who I am, it’ll be a battle of one sort or another to get  anywhere. So the real challenge for me is deciding if I want to push forward and risk hurting feelings, or stay stuck and wait it out. 

 

(Thx for your response btw ❤️)

[tracy_j]

I agree to keeping in good relations with your parents. That said, in the end you will upset things if you do anything suddenly at any point in your life.

 

My feeling is that there is deception in a big way, but there is also stealth and steadily moving toward your goal with grudging acceptance that you are different. I know it will likely be difficult, but you could steadily work on the feminine behaviour and more androgyne clothing. Ok totally female underwear may be out at the moment, but some male underwear is quite feminine (bikini type briefs for instance). Perhaps very light makeup at times. Using moisturisers like many women daily. Really it is exploring who you are without upsetting your parents. In that way the final jump will not seem so extreme and, in the meantime, they are less likely to snap. Take things very slowly and test the waters. Making a jump from male to female in an instant would be very stressful for anyone, and everyone around. It is a change in lifestyle more than anything else and usually takes time. There is more to being a woman than the clothes you wear.

 

Tracy

[My name isn’t Megan]

Thanks Tracy! 

[Charlize]

   You are certainly in a difficult position.  Many of us have been there.  One thing to consider is that even when you are away from home the same issues will be present.  

    Even though we leave home the opinions and feelings of others can force us into difficult positions.  I know that i faced similar issues when i decided to be open and honest about my feelings.  I was much older than you but the feelings of my family were very similar to those you mentioned.   I went to therapy and that was acceptable to my family.  That experience helped me find self acceptance and my therapist helped me also deal with the reactions of others.  

    Perhaps you could simply mention that you feel the need for therapy with your parents and even though it may be a difficult first step it might be just right for you.  By the way most therapist are also wonderful allies when it comes to getting the acceptance of others.

Hope that helps.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[My name isn’t Megan]

I’ve actually been able to start seeing a gender therapist very recently! As sad as it is to say, I think his opinion might carry more weight than my feelings do. But hell, I’ll take it if it works. 

[My name isn’t Megan]

(When I say that, I mean that his professional opinion might carry more weight than my feelings in regards to what my mom is willing to accept. She might listen to him moreso than she’d listen to me.)

[Bad]

Like others have said I think it's smart to take things one at a time, and slowly. This will probably be the easiest way to go about it without a war starting at home. It's good you started seeing a gender therapist. 

 

I'm in the same position but with a single parent (not accepting, etc). I'm on the same wavelength as Mary though-- it's about you, and no one else. Others will be affected but it's your life. Family in particular is difficult to deal with, and maybe your parents will eventually come to accept you. But in the meantime you need to take care of yourself. So I'd say do what you need to do to make it bearable, whether that's being open with this or completely stealth; just be smart about your choices.