Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Howdy~


FitToFly801

Recommended Posts

Kind of nervous to be here, but I came to become better informed and seek advice from others. ?

 

I am here as the romantic partner of someone who recently came out to me as thinking they might be Trans. They don't know the specifics of what that means for them yet, but they're starting to work through it and are even going to therapy soon to explore themselves, and I couldn't be happier for them. 

 

Being unfamiliar with it- and them not really knowing what they want to do- has led to some anxiety on my part, but I love them, so I'm here to work through my anxiety and learn how I can support them moving forward. I have only one person I can talk to about it in my friend group, otherwise I felt coming here would be my best support during this time. 

 

I guess some general information on me, I'm a college student as a biology major, I identify as asexual but will be questioning my romantic orientation as my partner changes (previously heteroromantic, but considering I am now panromantic), I love to read and create art, and I also love photography.

 

See you around the forums, maybe!

-Claire

Link to comment

Hey, Claire! Welcome to the forums. The most important thing you can do while your partner is trying to figure out who they are is to just be there for them. You're engaged, and part of your vows is to be there for each other through hard and good times. If they say "Hey, I wanna be referred to by this name" then say okay and do it. If they come to you and ask you if a piece of clothing makes them looks feminine or masculine or androgynous, then tell them. While they're figuring themselves out, the way they want to be referred to as will change. Just be prepared for that and be prepared to make the switch. Overall, support them! They're your partner and that's what you guys are supposed to do for each other!

 

My messages are ALWAYS open!!

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Claire and welcome!  The thing I can offer is to be open to discussion and be supportive as you seem to be.  You both are going through changes in life and its nice to have someone to journey with.  

 

Jani 

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Claire.  The fact that you're here tells me a lot about how much you care for your s/o, and how open your heart and your mind are.  That's a great start.  Yes, just be there for them, keep communicating and listening, but also, don't be afraid to voice your own concerns and fears.  You have a stake in this, and it should not be a one sided thing.  I've seen far too often where the trans person in a relationship makes all the demands and the partner, wanting to be supportive, gives in until they feel they are being manipulated and emotionally abused.  That is something to be avoided.  We are trans people, not saints.  Bottom line is, be honest, be fair, be strong, and be willing to compromise, but also insist that your partner do the same.  That is only fair.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Claire.

My wife and i have become closer through my transition.  It was certainly hard at first but time has given both of us a path towards acceptance.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Thank you everyone for the welcomes! I appreciate it. ^-^

 

I have let my partner know that I am ready and willing to change names/pronouns if or when they feel like they're ready to, but for now they're still questioning and it's going to take time before they make that kind of a switch. 

 

Also I'm glad you mentioned voicing my own concerns because I do have a habit of putting them before myself, but during our conversation I was able to request that they be honest with me moving forward about their feelings towards me and if those change as they do. 

 

They did say something that confused me though. When I asked them if they wanted me to stay, they said their gut instinct was to say yes, but some part of them was holding them back. They felt it would be unfair to me, but when I asked why it would be unfair, they didn't know.

 

Would anyone know why someone would think it unfair to keep their cis-partner in their life after coming out as Trans?

Link to comment

Well it’s the transition itself. It’s a very difficult thing to do. And I’m sure they just don’t want you to feel trapped. There’s no way of telling if this transition is going to be right for you or them. It’s truly a long hard learning process full of major ups and downs. The relationship will change. A lot. They will change as a person. As will you. The looks in public. The judgements of friends and family. Surgeries, wardrobe changes, physical changes, there’s just a real lot involved. I’m sure they just don’t want to hurt you or have you hurt by others either. Or to lose people you love because it is an unfortunate truth in transition. This is where the uncertainty comes from. From the love care and respect they have for you. 

Link to comment

I didn't consider all of that before. They had mentioned they were afraid to tell me because while they knew I probably wouldn't hold it against them (of course not), they were still worried I wouldn't want to date them as a Trans person. They've told a few trusted friends that support them, and they think their mother might support them as well, which is good.

 

I want to be their rock during this time. I also have a shirt I might get as we move forward, if he changes to a she, it's a shirt with the Trans flag that says "Proud to be her girlfriend," and I might wear it to surprise them.

 

What you said makes sense though because I told them, "Don't make a choice based on what you think would be best for me. I want to stay and make things work. Make a choice based on what you want." And that's when they told me they want to try this. So maybe they are afraid of me getting hurt by other things.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Claire, Welcome the the pulse. I myself have benefited from being here. It wasn't mentioned by yourself or others. Has your S.O thought of seeking out a therapist. They should. I know myself I have benefited from it. 

Remember all of us here have gone/ are going through the very same things.

 

thank you for supporting the one you love. It does help.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • Admin

I spent the weekend around a young married couple where one partner is Trans, and the big item was they had fun together and worked as a team, relying on each other and trusting each other to back them up as needed.  It was easy to see their relationship working.  I was involved with them on a team trying to make another Trans friend's special day even more special, and while I am no judge, being Trans myself, they were just an ordinary couple working hard at playing together.  Trans people who are living their own truths tend to do the same things  Cis / Het couples do.  We just have to get other people to believe that, but we do not need to break our necks doing so.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 111 Guests (See full list)

    • Breezy Victor
    • AllieJ
    • Ashley0616
    • violet r
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,023
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Delaney
    Newest Member
    Delaney
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bebhar
      Bebhar
      (41 years old)
    2. caelensmom
      caelensmom
      (40 years old)
    3. Jani
      Jani
      (70 years old)
    4. Jessicapitts
      Jessicapitts
      (37 years old)
    5. klb046
      klb046
      (30 years old)
  • Posts

    • awkward-yet-sweet
      The usual social ways, of course.  Taking care of my partners and stepkids, being involved in my community.  That makes me feel good about my role.   As for physical validation and gender... probably the most euphoric experience is sex.  I grew up with my mother telling me that my flat and boyish body was strange, that my intersex anatomy was shameful, that no man would want me. So experiencing what I was told I could never have is physical proof that I'm actually worth something.  
    • KathyLauren
      <Moderator hat on>  I think that, at this point we need to get the thread back onto the topic, which is the judge's ruling on the ballot proposition.  If there is more to be said on the general principles of gendered spaces etc., please discuss them, carefully and respectfully, in separate threads. <Moderator hat off>
    • Abigail Genevieve
      People who have no understanding of transgender conditions should not be making policy for people dealing with it. Since it is such a small percentage of the population, and each individual is unique, and their circumstances are also unique, each situation needs to be worked with individually to see that the best possible solution is implemented for those involved. 
    • Abigail Genevieve
      No.  You are getting stuck on one statement and pulling it out of context.   Trans kids have rights, but so do non-trans kids.  That conflict is best worked out in the individual situation. 
    • MaeBe
      I get the concept, I believe. You're trying to state that trans kids need to or should be excluded from binary gender spaces and that you acknowledge that answers to accommodate those kids may not be found through policy. I disagree with the capability of "penetration" as being the operative delimiter in the statement, however. I contest this statement is poorly chosen at best and smacks of prejudice at worst. That it perpetuates certain stereotypes, whether that was the intent or not.   Frankly, all kids should have the right to privacy in locker rooms, regardless of gender, sexuality, or anatomy. They should also have access to exercise and activities that other kids do and allow them to socialize in those activities. The more kids are othered, extracted, or barred from the typical school day the more isolated and stigmatized they become. That's not healthy for anyone, the excluded for obvious reasons and the included for others--namely they get to be the "haves" and all that entails.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Context.  Read the context.  Good grief.
    • MaeBe
      Please don't expect people to read manifold pages of fiction to understand a post.   There was a pointed statement made, and I responded to it. The statement used the term penetration, not "dissimilar anatomy causing social discomfiture", or some other reason. It was extended as a "rule" across very different social situations as well, locker and girl's bedrooms. How that term is used in most situations is to infer sexual contact, so most readers would read that and think the statement is that we "need to keep trans girl's penises out of cis girls", which reads very closely to the idea that trans people are often portrayed as sexual predators.   I understand we can't always get all of our thoughts onto the page, but this doesn't read like an under-cooked idea or a lingual short cut.
    • Ashley0616
      I shopped online in the beginning of transition. I had great success with SHEIN and Torrid!
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Have you read the rest of what I wrote?   Please read between the lines of what I said about high school.  Go over and read my Taylor story.  Put two and two together.   That is all I will say about that.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      "I feel like I lost my husband," Lois told the therapist,"I want the man I married." Dr. Smith looked at Odie, sitting there in his men's clothing, looking awkward and embarrassed. "You have him.  This is just a part of him you did not know about. Or did not face." She turned to Odie,"Did you tear my wedding dress on our wedding night?" He admitted it.  She had a whole catalog of did-you and how-could you.  Dr. Smith encouraged her to let it all out. Thirty years of marriage.  Strange makeup in the bathroom.  The kids finding women's laundry in the laundry room. There was reconciliation. "What do we do now?" Dr. Smith said they had to work that out.  Odie began wearing women's clothing when not at work.  They visited a cross-dressers' social club but it did not appeal to them.  The bed was off limits to cross dressing.  She had limits and he could respect her limits.  Visits to relatives would be with him in men's clothing.    "You have nail polish residue," a co-worker pointed out.  Sure enough, the bottom of his left pinky nail was bright pink  His boss asked him to go home and fix it.  He did.   People were talking, he was sure, because he doubted he was anywhere as thorough as he wanted to be.  It was like something in him wanted to tell everyone what he was doing, and he was sloppy.   His boss dropped off some needed paperwork on a Saturday unexpectedly and found Odie dressed in a house dress and wig.  "What?" the boss said, shook his head, and left.  None of his business.   "People are talking," Lois said. "They are asking about this," she pointed to his denim skirt. "This seems to go past or deeper than cross dressing."   "Yes.  I guess we need some counseling."  And they went.
    • April Marie
      You look wonderful!!! A rose among the roses.
    • Ashley0616
      Mine would be SHEIN as much as I have bought from them lol.
    • MaeBe
      This is the persistence in thinking of trans girls as predators and, as if, they are the only kind of predation that happens in locker rooms. This is strikingly close to the dangerous myth that anatomy corresponds with sexuality and equates to gender.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      At the same time there might be mtf boys who transitioned post-puberty who really belong on the girls' teams because they have more similarities there than with the boys, would perform at the same level, and might get injured playing with the bigger, stronger boys.   I well remember being an androgynous shrimp in gym class that I shared with seniors who played on the football team.  When PE was no longer mandatory, I was no longer in PE. They started some mixed PE classes the second semester, where we played volleyball and learned bowling and no longer mixed with those seniors, boys and girls together.
    • Timi
      Leggings and gym shorts, sweatshirt, Handker wild rag. Listening to new Taylor Swift album while strolling through the rose garden in the park. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...