I'm non-binary and want to talk about top surgery

[ButYouDontLook~]

-warning, long post

 

    Hi, I've only recently realized that I'm non-binary(assigned female at birth) and have also come to realize that I don't want breasts anymore.

    It's a bit ironic, because my whole life I wanted to be chesty, but now that I am I hate it. When I was still living as female I wanted big breasts because that's what made girls "sexy." I wanted people to see me and think, "Wow that girl is really pretty!" But I now know that it doesn't matter what other people think, what matters is me and if I'm comfortable in my body. I'm not.

    A year or so ago I was admitted to an adolescent psych ward where they changed up my meds a bit. One of the meds made me very quickly put on 40 pounds, making my chest grow a fair amount as well. I was then taken off the medication and lost the weight as quickly as I gained it. This has made my breasts more saggy and has made me even more uncomfortable with them. I've just started becoming detached from them. I look down and I'm like, "Those aren't mine." I mean clearly they are "mine" physically, but they are not part of who I am. I don't even want them to be touched anymore. I just do my best to pretend they aren't there. 

    So now on to the real topic - top surgery. 

    I do not want breasts. I want them gone. However, I do not want a male chest either. I just want to be flat chested. Honestly I don't even care if I still have nipples or not because I was never very comfortable with those either. I don't want to have to worry about breasts. I just don't want them. I would bind my chest, but not only do I hate wearing bras or similar chest containment devices, I also have fibromyalgia and worry that binding could be more pain than it's worth. 

    I live in Missouri, somewhat near St. Louis county. Does anyone have any recommendations for surgeons? I would greatly prefer a female surgeon; I am a sexual abuse victim and am uncomfortable around most men. I'm not currently financially able to afford surgery, but I will do what I can to save up and raise money. Just any general advice is appreciated.

 

~ Chris

 

[Jani]

Hi Chris.  

 

You might try this website. https://www.stlmetrotrans.com  They have a resources link for medical care in the St. Louis area that may be helpful.   This site http://www.stlouisgenderfoundation.org was linked at the St. Louis Children's Hospital site. https://www.stlouischildrens.org/conditions-treatments/transgender-center/resources

 

I don't know how many female surgeons there are in your area but you could ask around.  Remember the vast majority of medical personal are good people who want to administer care.  Most of the nursing staff that would attend to you while in the hospital would be women.    

 

Jani

 

[ButYouDontLook~]

Thank you Jani, I appreciate you sharing these resources with me