First day at work

[Adaline]

Wow, a lot has happened since I last posted, name change, gender markers, almost all government documents and full time in my private life.  Just met with HR yesterday and transition at work is set for the 2nd, yikes, just 5 days away.  I thought they would want 2 or 3 more weeks to work this out but when I said I would like it to happen ASAP, they said, okay, let’s shot for next week.

 

I’m super happy, no more changing in the car if I’m going somewhere after work.  Super nervous as well.

 

I’ve been hiding in plain sight, mannerisms, body language and dress as Feminine as I can get away with.  This has been noticed and commented on but with hundreds of fellow employees, most are going to find out for the first time tomorrow and Monday. 

 

I’m taking Monday off to go shopping for work and makeup lessons, I want to look as good as I can and although I think I do okay now,  professional  attire is a very new concept.

 

For all those that have come before me, any advice?  What should I expect and what can make it easier on everyone, including myself?

 

Adaline?

[tracy_j]

Things sound good Adaline . My advice is to take things steady as people do take a while to adjust. It does sound like this will not be a surprise to many. I think people do notice. Not knowing your area or where you work, it would be difficult for me to give anything specific, but being friendly and open helps a lot.

 

Good luck!

 

Tracy

[Kirsten]

Smile. It helps people feel more comfortable. And own who you are! If you have the confidence of 10 grinches plus two you’re gonna do fine. Be prepared to have a lot of misgendering and things of that nature though. It will take time. And if you are having issues with any individuals, be sure to talk to hr or a manager. Many companies have clocks of some kind on things like this before they will actually do anything about it. So ignoring the issues isn’t the best course of action with things like this. 

Congrats on all your changes!! Good luck with work next week too!! 

[Jani]

Good for you!!  I know you're nervous but it will be over soon and you'll be fine.  There may be lots of questions at first but it will settle down. Be confident as Kirsten says.  

 

Jani

[Charlize]

The first few times we confront our fears are always the worse.  It gets easier day by day and if your anything like i was i started to float with smiles coming easier with each passing hour.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Cyndee]

7 hours ago, Adaline said:

I’m super happy, no more changing in the car if I’m going somewhere after work.  Super nervous as well.

 

Adaline?

 

Saying goodbye to the "on the fly switcherooo" is such a good feeling, your post brought back memories ?

 

Pencil skirts at the office make me feel good, I bought several in different shades (neutrals).....

 

Coming out at work is such an important step towards self realization, it was my last step to "full time".

 

Congrats to you and may it go well when the time arrives !

 

Hugs

 

Cyndee

 

 

[Adaline]

I’m the supervisor of training and safety for a school district.  Mostly it’s office work and classroom training.  We are short on drivers and I spend a lot of time on the bus.  The school is not concerned about what my appearance will do to the kids but how rough they are going to be on me.  

 

I love wearing skirts and dresses but do I lead with that or work up to it?  Do I start with pants, slacks and tops until others get use to this and then bring out the dresses?

 

Thanks for the advice 

 

Adaline.

[VickySGV]

I would go for "business casual" which can include female slacks and safety shoes with a variety of at first shirt front tops with accessories, maybe some scarves or neck chains or pins.  Since you say you are out and on buses that would be cool weather spring wear anyway.   As the weather warms up then introduce the skirts instead of short pants, but by then only you will notice the change.  Check what the other female employees are doing and join the crowd. 

[Cyndee]

My thots, given this additional info Adaline, I would start off with slacks and a nice top (for example), since you gonna be on the bus, dress to be comfortable and for the situation. But once the focus shifts toward the office, bring out the skirts, dresses as time progresses.

 

Good luck with the kids

 

C -

[Jani]

I agree with Vicky and Cyndee about selecting clothing.  You might also look at other women in the school to determine what the "norm" is and dress accordingly, i.e. blend in with the others.  

 

All my best, Jani

[SugarMagnolia]

I would plan in some time for self care: massage, mani/pedi, long baths, whatever. Everything went super well for me when I came out at work, but what surprised me was how much mental energy I expended those first few days. I was exhausted at the weekend and I realized that I'd been on guard the entire week just in case someone had an issue. 

So, I'd reiterate all the great advice above and also urge you to plan some nice things for yourself for the first few evenings and the weekend just to make sure that you are able to recharge.

Congrats!. 

[Adaline]

3 hours ago, SugarMagnolia said:

 

I would plan in some time for self care:

 

I can see the wisdom in that.  Tomorrow the meetings with the employees begins.  We already had a mandatory meeting scheduled in which I have a major roll.  At the end of the meeting, I’m to leave and they will continue.  Just the thought of how others are going to react is exhausting.  

 

Thanks for the ideas on dress.  I have an appointment with a  boutique on Monday, it will help to have an idea of what to look for.  I think everything will go okay but still nervous.  I feel that if I get the clothes right, it will make it easier but maybe I’m overthinking this.  

 

Smileing, kindness and just being myself has worked well in my private life.  I think once people see that I’m still pleasant and friendly, it will help.  It’s just hard to do when you are bracing yourself for a possible poor reception.

 

thanks again.

 

Adaline

[SugarMagnolia]

14 hours ago, Adaline said:

I feel that if I get the clothes right, it will make it easier but maybe I’m overthinking this.

I think there's some truth to this. Feeling good about what you're wearing and how you look will definitely help your confidence and how you carry yourself. For me, that's been a combination of feeling like the clothes I select fit in with what the other women at my workplace wear, really loving at least one thing that I'm wearing, and not trying to do too much (less is more, simplicity is elegance).

It sounds like you're getting a lot of good support from your work. And I'm sure most of the folks you work with will be fine. All you can ask is for the rest of them to act professionally and give you the same respect they'd give to anyone else. I suspect you'll be surprised at how quickly it all starts to feel "normal" again.

Best of luck!

[Kirsten]

You should choose clothes that show your personality and that you are comfortable wearing. Something that you will have confidence in. I work in a lot of different businesses day to day and there is no rules. You’ll see women in the same office in cubicles next to each other wearing jeans and blouse vs dress and heels. I can tell you that most of the women in the office at my kids school are pretty casual. Jeans and a nice shirt seems like more than enough there. 

But like I said, no matter what you decide on, own it! If you’re okay with your clothes (and they’re appropriate) everyone will be okay with it too.